Any tips for struggling with “face image” rather than body image? I’m comfortable in my body but my face is unattractive – large nose, flat cheeks, recessed chin, small eyes, etc. I find I am least concerned with my appearance when I’m dong things I enjoy (camping, running, travel) but when I see pictures from all the fun things I do, all I can fixate on is how ugly I look in them. How do I look and feel beautiful without wearing makeup 24 hours a day, plastic surgery, or avoiding all photos?
I have a few thoughts for you. What I’m not going to do is tell you that you’re beautiful and special and you must love your face. Even though all that is true, I get what you’re saying. I sometimes see my face and I’m like “HELL YEAH I’M HOT” and sometimes I see my face and I’m like “I’ve looked tired since I was 4 and there are too many layers on this thing.” So here are the thoughts of a girl who can feel like your letter sometimes.
1) You see your face all the time. Other people don’t. Because you know your face in and out, when you look at it, you are only focusing on specific parts of it- a zit, small eyes, the weird creases on either side of your mouth. But I promise you, no one else is looking at your face the way that you do. Everyone else just sees your face as, well, you- a gestalt of who you are, a visual representation of your personality. We don’t take enough time to think about how lovely and poetic that is- your face, to your friends and family, represents you. No one is scanning it for ugliness the way that you are. That, sadly, is a burden you alone bear.
2) Find your angles. I have watched every fucking season of America’s Next Top Model, and what I’ve learned from it is that everyone can look good and bad in photos. Photos aren’t a true representation of what we look like, they are just a way to capture an angle. Look at yourself in a mirror with a light source you can control and move it around (remember that video?) until you find an angle that you like. Move your head around, open and close your mouth, do different things with your eyes. Find the versions of yourself that you find acceptable and remember those when you are posing for photos, which leads me to the most important point, which you made yourself already…
3) Just fucking have fun in your life and fuck the photos. Taking photos means very little anymore because they’re everywhere all the time and two billion apps can put them online for others. I find that the people whose photos look the best online are actually having the least amount of fun in their lives. They know how to stop having fun, or worse, how to look like they’re having fun when someone whips out a camera, but they’re not actually existing in their lives. They’re existing on Snapchat or Instagram. The photo convinces them, and hopefully their followers, that they are having fun.
Whereas you are having fun.
Keep having fun. Fuck the photos. No matter how you look in the photos, you know you’re having a good time in life. That’s always more important.
All of this, but: “Just fucking have fun in your life and fuck the photos. Taking photos means very little anymore because they’re everywhere all the time and two billion apps can put them online for others.”
YES YES YES