yourplayersaidwhat:

Context: Our halfling rogue stitched a portable hole into the lining of our dwarf’s backpack and has converted it into a house, which we sleep in at night, take our meals in, etc.

Dwarf Monk: I climb out of the backpack to sstart the day’s travelling.

Gnome Druid: I follow her.

DM: You both climb out of the backpack and see three elves, who were about to loot the backpack, thinking it had been forgotten here. They’re startled to see you climb out, as the backpack is maaaayyybeee big enough for the dwarf, if she were scrunched up inside, but definitely not big enough for the both of you.

Gnome Druid: Oh…hello….

DM: Suddenly, an owl flies out of the backpack and up into the sky. The elves jump back, startled.

Gnome Druid: Goodbye, Hooty!

DM: The elves, still confused, stare at you for a moment. One of them steps forward and unrolls a scroll. “We’re looking for this man. He’s wanted for theft.” It’s a picture of the gnome druid’s uncle.

Gnome Druid: I whisper “Run, on the count of three” to the dwarf monk.

Dwarf Monk: “What? Why? Who is that man??”

Gnome Druid: “1…2…3!!” I just start running.

DM: The elves are STILL CONFUSED and now they’re startled again, so they draw their bows and take an attack of opportunity, firing at you. …You take…26 damage!! How many hit points do you have left?

Gnome Druid: …8. I turn into an owl to fly away.

DM: The owl form has fewer than 26 hit points!! You turn into an owl, leaping into the air, and then immediately fall back to earth as a gnome again, unconscious.

Gnome Druid: Cool.

DM: The elves now turn to the Dwarf Monk, bows still drawn. “What was that about?”

Dwarf Monk: “I don’t know! I’m so confused! I have no idea!” I put my hands up to

DM: You hear a voice in your head. It’s Lydia the halfling rogue, speaking to you through the Ring of Chatter from inside the backpack. “I can take them all out right now…just say the word.”

Dwarf Monk: *the player is laughing uncontrollably at the turn of events* NO, LYDIA, DON’T KILL THEM!

DM: So the elves just see this dwarf, claiming to know nothing, fall down to her knees and start laughing uncontrollably, and suddenly she shouts “No Lydia, don’t kill them!” They’re very alarmed.

Lydia, through the Ring of Chatter: “Seriously, just say the word, I’ll kill them all right now!”

Dwarf Monk: *still laughing* “LYDIA DON’T DO IT! DON’T KILL THEM!”

DM: The elves are seriously freaked out now. One of them restrains the dwarf, the second picks up the unconscious gnome, and the third picks up the backpack. They start to walk off in different directions.

Dwarf Monk: I try to reach toward the backpack. “LYDIA! NO!”

DM: The elf with the backpack looks at the other two. “The backpack’s name is Lydia.”