What is the usual balance of eye contact during one-on-one semi-formal conversation?
I was observing my boss during our quarterly meeting today and noticed that he tended to periodically look away while he spoke, and wondered if I should also periodically look away while I listened.
I’m trying to be more accommodating and accessible towards guests. Is discomfort with making eye contact primarily while being the speaker, being the listener, or both? Does the discomfort extend to when you aren’t looking at someone’s eyes but they are looking at yours? I’ve occasionally had people tell me I have an “intent stare” and I don’t wish to seem aggressive or creepy.
Solution: take a leaf out of the Corinthian’s book and wear dark sunglasses at all times so people can’t see that I’m staring at them unblinkingly while they speak.
Somebody did science and the time period is just over three seconds of eye contact, lazy shift, and back. [x] Or just about 60-70% of the conversation. [x]
Neither article mentions whether it varies depending on who is doing the talking. It seems likely that the active speaker will be the one to break eye contact and look elsewhere more often, and that speaking to someone while holding their gaze may be what’s perceived as aggressive.
I can usually dial down my eye contact while I’m the one talking because I’m usually talking about something and can gesture to it. When I’m the one listening, I have no idea what to do with my eyes other than look at the eyes of the speaker.