tony stark’s youtube channel but it’s just him complaining about the avengers’ fashion sense
“seriously guys if yall gonna live off of my money at least dress better”
It all starts with Clint Barton. Of course it does. The man couldn’t dress himself if Coco Chanel was his personal adviser. She’d probably give up after five minutes. That’s what Pepper did after she tried to convince Clint to give up his old shoes.
But that’s Clint. That’s fine. But then Tony notices everyone else. Steve, with the ill-fitting pants and shirts that yes, are good to look at, but come on. Tony will only let Steve visit the president in uncomfortably tight pants at least once.
Then he notices that when she’s not on mission, Natasha has only a sampling of an idea of what she likes. A lot of loose things, but a lot of it doesn’t fit well. Tony stares at the sweatshirt she drowns in and just sighs. The joy of being the only fashionable one.
Thor doesn’t care enough, and Bruce also doesn’t.
“I don’t want people to see me, so why bother?” Bruce asks with a shrug. (Tony still doesn’t know how Thor looks at Bruce like he’s got stars around his head when he’s in a really bad graphic tee he got from the bargain bin for ninety-nine cents, but whatever.)
So he starts a YouTube channel after seeing a Met Gala roast. He knows if Wintour hadn’t banned him from them for saying that “Iron Man could be on staff for all of the mistaken invitations” they’d be so much more on-theme.
It starts out small, actually. Just a side project of Tony walking around his lab and ranting about “how can Clint wear THAT. That monstrosity. God, he looks so bad. WHy is he like this.”
But the video that blows up is the one that features Steve. (Naturally.)
Tony rants for fifteen minutes about how Steve has the sense of “a fruit fly in front of a swatter” and brings up multiple outfit choices that he had had to convince Steve out of.
And then.
The line.
It’s iconic. It’s wonderful. It’s absolutely used in pop culture afterwards.
“If they’re going to live off my money, they might as well dress better,” Tony had muttered. He’d forgotten to cut it, and Friday and Jarvis had both agreed to leave it in. (Tony hates kind of that Friday is learning from her big brother, she could be so much better behaved.)
But regardless, it blows up. There are shirts, there are celebrities reacting, and more than a few dirty looks from his fellow teammates. Tony shrugs.
“Well, I’ll retract my statement when I’m wrong.”