Who Should You Fight? – Avengers Edition

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thedirectorstark:

pensversusswords:

fakesheep-luna:

samwilsonascap:

Natasha Romanoff- No. Do not fight Natasha Romanoff. Are you stupid? Do you want to die? She’s an assassin. She will kill you quickly and efficiently. It wouldn’t even be considered a fight you’d be dead so quickly. Do not fight her.

Clint Barton- You could fight Clint Barton. Yes, he’s also an assassin, but he’s a softie. He won’t kill you. I mean, you wouldn’t win – have you seen his arms? – but you wouldn’t die either. Unless Natasha is around. Then you’d die. So fight Clint Barton, but keep your head on a swivel.

Steve Rogers- First of all, why? What did Steve Rogers ever do to you? He is literally the symbol of righteousness and good, and that in itself is a pretty good reason not to fight him. But if you insist, no. Do not fight Steve Rogers. Luckily for you, he doesn’t go for kill shots, but he’s even more jacked than Clint. And he’s got a lot of internalized pain that he needs to let out. On you. Do not fight Steve Rogers.

Tony Stark- Do it. Fight Tony Stark. Punch him in his stupid carefully manicured beard. Make sure there’s no weird tech around him that could come to his aid, though. Ambush him at the supermarket. Smack him with a loaf of bread. Just make sure Rhodey isn’t around because then you’d get your ass beat.

Thor- Why? Who would want to fight him? It’s like punching a puppy in the face. Don’t do it. Don’t fight Thor Odinson.

Wanda Maximoff- Don’t you think she’s had a hard enough life? Do you really want to make it any worse? Her brother is dead for fuck’s sake. Besides, she’d leave you crying on the ground without even raising her fist. Do not fight Wanda Maximoff.

Sam Wilson- You could probably win a fight against Sam, but why would you want to? What purpose would it serve? He’s just trying to do his job and help out his best buddy Steve. You might win against Sam Wilson, but it would feel like a loss. Don’t fight him.

Bruce Banner- You punch him once and the Hulk will come out. If you value your life and all things Holy, you won’t fight Bruce Banner. Who would want to anyway? Just let him do his yoga in peace.

Bucky Barnes- Son, just don’t.

Un-fucking-believable. 
Let me fix this for you:

Tony Stark- 

Yeah, Do it. Fight the only regular human on the team that has not superpowers, not special training, no genetic modifications and yet finds a way, with his own intelligence and persistence, to fight.

Fight the guy that was not thrown into the life of superheroing but chose that path despite being a vanilla human on the wrong side of his forties.

Ambush at the supermarket the guy that can’t be in a public place for too long without something triggering a PSTD attack from, hey, yeah, literally almost killing himself to save millions of people that a months after that already were back to having all his motives and moves questioned in the tabloids.

Fight the guy that could still be making weapons like his father did, instead he works to save the planet developing green energy solutions (guess what? You can punch all the Hydra goons in the face that you want, global warming doesn’t give a shit.)

Speaking of punching in the face, all the rest of the avengers do is punch the bad guys in the face, maybe bringing down a couple of blocks of residential areas too. SHOCKING! People live in those places. LIKE PEOPLE LIVED IN THE CITY THAT WANDA MADE THE HULK DESTROY. Who helps those people that lost everything regain their footing? Those folks don’t fucking need Captain America to give them an encouraging speech. They need money and resources… and who provides them with those after every Avengers/Villains mishap? Yup, the Maria STARK foundation. SHOCKING AGAIN. Or did you forget the philanthropist part of his ever-famous line?

Sure, you love all your other heroes to death. Nat, Clint, Steve, Sam… so strong, so bulletproof, so full of resources… Yeah, you know what? You are right, they need to be beaten up and late for action more. Knock out the guy that spends his nights and days making their gear, uniforms, weapons, transportation, gadgets, now that SHIELD is not there. Quechua sports wear and saving the world from a hospital bed is the new black in superheroing. Right? 

You are angry with him for taking part in creating a homicidal robot that was meant to protect the earth (and didn’t exactly get the wrong idea about the way to do so) and for which he took all the blame? Go on, it’s not like he had anything to do with the creation of the gentlest, sweetest, worthiest, android in existence too. 

And if after all of that you, for some reason, still want to Punch him in his beard, beware of the screwdriver he is surely carrying somewhere on his person.
Lucky for you he will probably take care of the medical bill as the doctors are extricating said screwdriver from somewhere very painful in your body. 

*takes a deep breath to calm the blood now boiling in my veins* 

Ah and here we have a case of let’s blame Tony Stark for everything without using critical thinking skills to actually analyze his character.

Look. Here’s the thing. You are perfectly within your right to not like Tony, but when you put out a negative, cruel attack on him like this, you are opening yourself up to a discussion. I obviously disagree, but it’s more than that. This is just plain nasty.

Tony Stark is not a perfect man. He has flaws, he’s messed up more than once. But you know what’s been consistent? His motivation, his defining characteristic: his self sacrificial nature. Basically, Tony takes the hard decisions on himself because he doesn’t think anyone but him deserves to endure the pain making those decisions would bring.

You point out all of the pain that the other characters have endured as if that’s justification for not hurting them. Jfc how about don’t hurt any of them, including Tony, because they are all well intentioned individuals who hold themselves accountable for their own mistakes? Because they’re human?

Including. Tony.

The sickening part of this is that if someone ever told Tony he deserved to get punched in the face like this, he would agree with you. Tony wouldn’t blame you for attacking him, but I do. Because he’s a man who tries so hard, who loves with his whole heart, and would give everything he has to protect people.

Not to mention that Tony has been thrust into impossible situations time and time again and has had to make heartbreakingly difficult decisions every time, and always tries to make the right choice. 

AND HE STILL GETS BLAMED WHEN SHIT GOES WRONG.

thedirectorstark you are much better at this if you have anything you’d like to say.

*sips tea*

obviously the smackdown is already long enough so the only thing i’m adding is:

both natasha and bucky were horridly brutalized without their consent, steve hates bullies on principle, clint might well have PTSD post-loki or from a lifetime of SHIELD service, thor is a noble warrior whose character literally revolves around honor and worthiness, wanda was shown to be one of the most empathetic people in aou, sam wilson actively helps those who struggle with PTSD, bruce made an actual fast connection with tony when they first met to the point where the HULK literally saved tony’s life, rhodey (who was not included in the original post and that’s not surprising at all HA) is so in-tune with the symptoms of PTSD that he’s the first one to catch those in tony and vocally express concern

basically. literally all your faves would side-eye you really hard for making a post that singles out a person to be punched for no reason but yeah ok