chris hemsworth is like a DnD character whose class 100% does not require a high charisma stat but he put it as his highest stat anyways like “hmm I think it will be useful (:” so he just walks around as a muscle-bound brawler who can also inexplicably get anything he wants from anyone by smiling at them
Him and Terry Crews
Terry Crews: high-level fighter who also multiclassed into bard, for some reason.
Chris Hemsworth: that barbarian who loves to knit.
Hugh Jackman: high level bard who was forced to take on barbarian when the party didn’t have a tank and now just wants to sing but he’s been the tank for so long it’s anyone sees him as.
[Narrator: A scientist in Peru [pause for peep] captured this, escaping from the tiny body [pause for peep] of a sleeping hummingbird. [pause for peep] A high-pitched [pause for peep] but unmistakable snore. [pause for peep] Hummingbirds are loved for their beauty and speed [pause for peep] but this one was behaving a little bit like a human. [pause for peep] The perfect cute-response trigger.]
Colorful and evocative language is the backbone of writing. Instead of “she had blue eyes”, write: “she possessed shimmering cerulean orbs that functioned as optical sensory receptors in hex #007ba7”.
One the one hand I hate it, on the other, there’s part of me that loves it and I hate that I love it.
You survived crucifix nail nipples. You can survive hex #007ba7 globular photon receptors no problem.
you guys don’t know how much hotter written porn would be if people started describing stuff like nipple tone in hex codes
“The erectile tissue of his mammary papilla responded to the tactile stimulation of her hydrostatic oral muscle, darkening to hex #cd5b45 and tumescing with vasocongestion.”
*softly but emphatically* what the fuck.
is this my cue to get involved somehow bc im attracted to the cursed energy like a moth to porchlight
adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision. On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me. i know that fucker’s weaknesses. i could totally take me in a fight.”
frog and toad are my two remaining brain cells struggling to keep my horrible body alive
talking to my dad is a freaking minefield. Today at dinner I asked him if he’d ever been to New York City in the 90′s and he was like, “nope. Only in the 70′s to donate blood for my mom in the hospital while she was dying from leukemia.” I swear I didn’t even know my grandmother had leukemia (may she rest in peace). This is worse than the time I asked him if he’d ever had riding lessons and he said, “not since my childhood lesson pony burned to death in a barn fire in Kentucky.”
he just did it again! I was making small talk while we were carrying in the groceries like, “yeah I have a taser in my purse but I’ve never gotten to use it,” and he goes, “I’ve been tasered before it’s not fun. Neither was waterboarding.”
wtf dad
latest edition:
me: I found a bottle of vic’s vapo rub in the cabinet that expired in 2002 but it was fine.
my dad: Oh I don’t touch that stuff but guys I worked with used it to mask the smell of bodies that’d been dead for a while.
“Two new blockbuster scoops about President Trump’s relations with Russia — combined with fresh signs that Trump will drag out the government shutdown indefinitely — should renew our focus on the quiet but critical role that Mitch McConnell has played in enabling the damage that Trump is doing to the country on so many fronts.”
That chronic illness feel when you’re trying to figure out what is triggering the “shivery” ill feeling that signals something is causing a flare up like:
“what is it girl, who is doing this to you, is it an allergy? chemical exposure? do I need to take X med? what is it, did we not eat enough, low blood sugar, are we dehydrated? food contamination? Did little Timmy fall down the well again, what is it?”
WAIT THAT’S A CHRONIC ILLNESS THING?
Can be. A lot of the time it can get written off as “nerves” (and sometimes it is anxiety) but a lot of us go through jittery shivers or even random fever feelings when we’re having a flare up.
