Dan and I bought a thing called “long ziti” from the local Weird Bargain Store, largely as a joke, but…. I have never had a more unsettling pasta experience in my life. They wouldn’t bend enough to cook from top to bottom simultaneously, and while they were cooking boiling water kept spouting out from the tops of them out of the pot, like a boiling pipe organ.
Then they were so long and floppy and hoselike that we couldn’t pick them up with anything other than tongs, and then they were so long and unwieldy that it was basically impossible to sauce them without them all slithering out of the bowl like wet snakes. They then proceeded to cool down almost completely within the the seconds it took to walk to the living room.
Eating them was like eating a bowl full half melted drinking straws.
Bringing back Long Ziti for another round because it’s just too funny
When I was sixteen, my family visited Hawaii, and I had a cute new swimsuit. I was a pretty busty teen, with the vocabulary of an AP English student, and while I was out swimming, a couple of college guys started flirting with me. Nothing gross, just pleasantly casual hey-you-look-great-how-are-you-enjoying-the-beach stuff.
After a minute or two of this, one of them asked if I was there with friends, and I said no, I was with my family. “Wow, you still travel with your family?” one exclaimed. “That’s cool…”
“Well, I am sixteen,” sez me.
Reader, they blanched. They flustered, they apologized, they assured me that they’d thought I was also in college, they wished me a good vacation and they bounced. All within about a minute of realizing they’d been chatting up a minor.
I was mildly mortified at the time, but now? I look back and think, Ah, what good men. What good young men.
A few years ago my friend was doing a lessons for a martial art. She was always someone that looked older than she was (she finally grew into the age she looks after another ten years lol), in her face, in her figure, the whole look.
She got along great with her fellow trainees, in particular this one dude whom she couldn’t pick the age of (tall, lanky, could’ve been anywhere between 16-20), until one day he invited her to a party that weekend.
“Hey, you seem pretty cool, are you doing much this weekend? It’s my 21st, we’ll be having a really good time.”
She looked at him funny and replied, “sorry, I can’t. I’m still in school.”
“that’s cool, what are you, a senior? Are you excited for college next year?”
“No, I’m a freshman. I’m fifteen.”
Dude takes a /huge/ step back.
He flounders, stumbles, before getting out “oh, well, maybe not then.”
But after the shock, he was fine with it. They were still friends after that, but it never went beyond the dojo, and he had very obviously put down those seemingly obvious lines in the sand of “dude she’s fifteen and a minor”.
It’s in the hands of the adult to treat minors like minors.
Listen, I’m a feminist. I’m well versed in the way men treat women, especially young women and minors, to groom them into becoming co-dependent and reliant on them. I know this song and dance well from having seen it happen to my own friends and from reading the experiences of many women on this site who let an older man woo them when they were young and it cost them years of suffering in an abusive relationship.
Bearing this in mind, when I was 15 I volunteered for a 3-week program as a camp counselor for a summer camp for disabled children. Because some of these kids had such intense needs, they had about 1 counselor for every 2 kids. What they actually did though, was pair up us volunteers in groups of 2 and together we looked after 4 kids. My partner and I were assigned 4 children to take care of together. I had to spend all 3 weeks with my partner by my side. We did everything together. Taking the kids to the bathroom and changing their diapers. Feeding them. Dressing them when they got dirty and had to use their extra change of clothes. Playing with them. Chasing after them. Rocking them when they cried. Everything. 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. Taking care of non-verbal autistic children and children with down syndrome is so incredibly difficult. I loved every second of it, but I know damn well would never have made it through those 3 weeks without my partner to shoulder the responsibility with me.
On the first day, I noticed how the camp organizers had paired up male and female volunteers with each other. I also took note of how the group dynamic worked. What I mean is, they didn’t assign 4 kids to every pair of volunteers and then have all of us stick together as a group and take care of the kids together. No. The volunteer pairs and their kids were sectioned off and sent to do separate activities in different rooms. Every 30 minutes or so we rotated. They did this because they wanted us to develop a special bond with “our kids” as they called them. A lot of special needs kids have a hard time getting used to new people, and many of them hated being in rooms with lots of people because it over stimulated them, so the organizers felt it would be better for them overall if we kept to our little units of 6. This meant I was alone, for seven hours a day, with my partner and our kids and the occasional check in of “how are you guys doing?” From one of the adult staff members.
I’m not an idiot. Being alone with my partner for long periods of time + we’re working together to accomplish a very difficult task + teamwork + the little inside jokes we developed + the fact it kinda felt like we were our own little family unit + my partner was very handsome and sweet and interesting to talk to + I’m a young impressionable teenage girl = I’m gonna have a crush on him one way or another. I honestly felt like I was in some sort of fanfiction. I loved being around him and working with him and I thought about him when I was at home and even though the kids took up a lot of our time, by day 4 we pretty much had our groove down and were working seamlessly together.
Now here’s the thing. The minimum volunteer age was 15, by there was no maximum age limit. We had to go through intense background checks and interviews to see if we qualified for the demanding task. Because of the difficulty of what we’d be doing, they chose mostly college age kids and people in grad school who were using the camp as training credits to become occupational therapists. My partner was one of these. He was a 26 year old man who needed so many hours of hands on training to qualify and get whatever credentials he needed, idk. On the first day, we knew each other’s ages. I would often talk to him about highschool and my worries for college and he would laugh and tell me “this is what college is really like” blah blah. He talked about his past girlfriends with me. I told him I’d never had a boyfriend. He said being in a relationship is wonderful and told me I should definitely get a boyfriend. He told me if he had to guess my age he’d say at least 20. I reminded him that I was 15 and he said “I know, but you’re just so mature”. He flattered me often, seemed really engaged when I rambled and ranted about my interests. We had all sorts of things in common. We talked about videogames and anime and music and shared memes after we exchanged phone numbers. He started texting me after hours and saying how he thinks of me as his equal and how we’re actually the same me and him. How it’s such a shame I’m still in highschool because he really wishes I’d go over to his place and hang out and meet his friends. How it’s kinda crazy but he might have a little crush on me.
I loved it. I knew exactly what he was doing. I say the signs from day 1. I knew it was wrong and dangerous (and maybe that was part of the allure). “He’s grooming you. He doesn’t care about you. He’s using you” I’d tell myself. “But is he though?” I’d respond. “He’s different. He treats me so nice. He flattered me. He listens to me. He thinks we’re equal, he said so!” And on and on I’d fight in my head. I’d seen it happen before. I knew he wasnt safe to be around but I was so head over heels for him I didn’t listen to my better judgement.
Eventually, our time at camp came to an end. The last week was rough. Instead of listening to me, he started talking over me and putting down my ideas. He started telling me what to do and brushing off my suggestions. Once, one of the kids ran off while we weren’t looking. He loves see saws so I suggested we check the park. He told me I was being stupid. Obviously he went back to the bubble station that he cried at. I’m not thinking straight and I should just listen to him. He wasn’t at the bubble station. We went to the see saw. He was happily sitting still on it without another kid to sit on the end. My partner told me I was stupid for not defending my position better otherwise he would have believed me and gone to the see saws first. I actually felt bad about myself after that. I honestly blamed myself for his stupid ego. The week progressed with more things like that, just him putting me down and making me feel small and unheard. But he would always follow up with a joke or a hug or “you mean a lot to me you know”, so it wasn’t that bad right? Things finally ended when, at the end of the last day, he invited me over to his place. He said he was having a party to celebrate the end of the 3 weeks. His friends would all be there and he was also inviting some of the other volunteers. I told him I wanted to, but couldn’t because my mom was coming to pick me up. He insisted that I go and just text my mom not to come get me or that I was going to a friend’s house. I said I couldn’t she was already on her way. Back and forth he thought of every excuse, getting increasingly angry, and at one point even walking up to his car, opening the door and gesturing for me to get in. I was almost in tears at this point and had to say no. I asked him (practically begged him) to forgive me and maybe we could meet up next week? Or this weekend even? I still want to be with you I told him. He said something about how I was a selfish bitch and he thought we were friends. “Maybe we could have been more than friends… But I guess not.” Then he drove away.
As the other volunteers were leaving I said goodbye and then asked them if they were going to his party. I was hoping that I could convince the ones that were going to talk to him for me. But none of them knew what I was talking about. Apparently none of them had been invited. I tried texting him over and over, but he wouldn’t answer and to this day had never made any contact with me.
I found out later from one of the other volunteers I was friends with (and who’s brother went to the same University as him and had him in one of his classes) that the next day my partner had complained loudly to his guy group that he’d been robbed of “some fresh teenage pussy” and it’s “so hard nowadays to find girls that aren’t bitches”.
After that I cried and called my best friend, who I hadn’t talked to the entire time cause it was summer and she was in Europe with her family, and told her everything. It only took a few sentences from her to make me see what a fucking idiot I’d been. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was acting. How could he have possibly done that to me? Made me feel so loved and safe when I knew better?
My point in saying all this is: we’re vulnerable. Minors are just kids. We’re stupid and vulnerable. I knew and recognized the signs of grooming and I STILL fell for it. I saw what he was doing to me, how he was acting and I still tried to defend him in my mind. I still tried to imagine us together. I still felt bad and blamed myself when he stopped talking to me.
Now take a second and imagine if I wasn’t a feminist. If I hadn’t seen this happen before to my own friends. If I had never read about the experiences of other women online. If I wasn’t more emotionally aware (or at least, for my age). If I couldn’t pick up the subtleties of his words and actions. If we had spent more than just three weeks together. If he had had more time to wear me down and make me doubt myself. If my mom hadn’t come pick me up or if I didn’t have such supporting friends who knew better when I didn’t. Imagine if I was just as naive and vulnerable and innocent as the average teenage girl, because adults never teach girls the signs to beware or the men to avoid. Imagine I already had low self-esteem to begin with and this handsome man is flattering me and telling me how much he cares, how much he understands, how highly he thinks of me, how mature I am etc.
I’d be gone. I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. I’d been in his arms and in that car and then in his apartment doing god knows what and who knows if I’d ever be seen again. If I’d ever be back to who I was.
You cannot rely on teenagers to have the awareness to not fall for that stuff. We are innocent and naive and even the ones who had been warned like me still fall through the cracks. It cannot fall on the minor’s shoulders to take action. Adults, you all have a responsibility to find out the age of the person you’re interested in or talking to. He was 26 but he looked 18, he had such a baby face. I still have a hard time determining ages of adults. And I get it. Some kids look older than they are. There are so many guys in my school with beards who look 21 but are only 15. But that is no excuse. It is your job to find out who you’re talking to. If you discover that the person you’re interested in or talking to is a minor, you have to keep your distance. You have to either cut contact or maintain the kind of conservative relationship you would with your boss, or distant cousin you’ve never met or someone it wouldn’t really be okay to get personal with. No matter how mature or aware or smart you think they are. “I’m sure they’re smarter than that. I’m sure they know. I’m sure-” No. Always assume the kid you’re talking to is dumb and doesn’t know anything about you. If you continue to talk to them in a way that is at all mature or romantic, you are deceiving them. Especially if you know their age but don’t tell them yours.
Please, be mindful of this stuff folks. And kids, if you’re in a situation like I was, and you see those signs, run. Run and don’t look back.
Absolutely. 100%. As someone who always looked “older” than my actual age when I was a minor, I encountered this type of stuff more often than I would like to admit.
I was definitely a profit killer when I worked in a pharmacy (which honestly was my favorite job in the entire world, but it was short-lived and nowadays you can’t work at a pharmacy like that, it’s all tied in with corporate retail and no one should ever trust me with a cash register ever). It was not, however, actually a profit killer for the pharmacy, just for the drug companies, so no one cared. These days I do medical billing, which means I actually bill OUT from hospitals so I’m mostly spending my professional time taking money away from insurance companies.
I will now impart all of my profit killing resources onto you, in case you don’t know them. I think most of you know them, now. But just in case you don’t.
THIS IS US-CENTRIC. I’M SORRY.
1. GoodRx – this thing has an app now, so you can look up the best places to get your expensive medicines at the lowest possible prices without insurance on the go, and you no longer have to print coupons because you can just hand over your phone or tablet. Times have changed for the better with GoodRx. Definitely use it before trying to fill your scrip, because it will tell you the best place to go. (You can do that on the website, too.)
2. NeedyMeds– Needymeds is basically the clearinghouse of drug payment assistance. They have their own discount cards, but also connections to many patient assistance programs run by drug companies themselves. They are good assistance programs, too.
3. Ask your county – This is not a link. This is a pro tip. Most county social services will have pharmacy discount programs for people with no and/or shitty pharmaceutical coverage. You can often just find them hanging around at social services offices; you can just pick one up and walk off with it.
4. Ordering online – There are a few safe online pharmacies. I keep a little database in a text file on my computer. Most of them are courtesy of CFS forums, my mother or voidbat, so a lot of that is a hat tip to other people, but if you’re in need of a place to get a drug without a prescription … first I’ll make sure you 100% know what you’re doing for safety reasons and then I’m happy to turn over a link.
5. Healthfinder– A government resource that helps find patient assistance programs in your area. This might also point out the convenient county card thing. RxHope is something a lot of people get pointed to via Healthfinder that’s a good program.
6. Mental Health America – Keeps a list of their best PAPs for psychiatric medications, which can be some of the most expensive and a lot of pharmacy plans don’t cover them at all.
This is so important ppl.
Signal boost the shit out of it!
Booooooooooooooooooost
Good Rx Saved my family a hundred dollars a month while I was getting signed up for CHIP seriously it’s a life savor especially for ridiculously expensive drugs like abilify
Useful info, friends! 😉
Since many of our followers are on medications, I feel like this would be an important resource. -Luna
Also! Some drug companies have patient assistance programs where they send you the drug for FREE if you are uninsured, or if your insurance doesn’t cover that drug.
Do a Google search for “patient assistant programs” + (your med), or search the manufacturers website. Sometimes the info is online; other times you have to call.
Even some of the big name pharma companies have this. It’s certainly not all companies, or all meds, but it is worth a shot.
Before Obamacare, I lost insurance and couldn’t pay for my mood stabilizers (kiiiiinda important to have those when you’re bipolar.) I was on generic Lamictal, but I went to the official Lamictal website, filled out a form with a valid prescription, and they mailed my meds to me every month for free.
If you know anything about bipolar disease, you know that that was a literal life saver. Patient assistance programs ftw!
This is so important given the recent vote to repeal Obamacare. And the cartoon above is so on point They’re literally voting to kill people. Literally.
Some of my meds are no longer going to be partially covered by my ridiculously expensive private insurance. I just used the GoodRX website to look it up, and I can either spend $40 at Target to pay for one of them out of pocket–per month–, or I can get it at Sams Club for $4. No that is not a typo. The drug I need to take every single day to keep my allergies from spiraling out of control (yay auto-immune bullshit) is literally ten times cheaper at Sams Club. Holy shit.
Signal boost for my US buds
Prescription hope is another good one. Any medication you can for 50 dollars a month. My diabetic med cost 475 dollar at most pharmacies….I use prescription hope and it has been a life saver!
Especially the first one! I have a really hard time knowing if somebody actually wants me to do something unless they are specific about the task and direct it towards me completely.
