smallestcitrus:
from an askReddit thread about wildest shit you’ve seen at parties
one time I walk in to the kitchen at a house party and I see the other two members of my comedy troupe in there, staring at a pint glass. The host had prepared for the party by purchasing three or four handles of cheap ass vodka, and two of them are on the counter. This pint glass is all the way full. A couple drunk guys walk in behind me and one of my buddies says to the other…
“Dude. Don’t do it.”
And our friend, a guy built like a spaghetti noodle, stares down at this overflowing pint glass and says
“I know, I know… but I think I’m going to”
“Don’t do it, man; you know how much a pint is?”
“Yeah and… I don’t know, I just really want to drink the whole thing”
A crowd starts to gather. Two opinions are emerging and people are picking sides. Opinion A is that it is too much and unsafe and a dumb idea and he shouldn’t do it. This seems to prod more people into joining Opinion B which is “will you do it if I add this $5 to the money on the counter?”
Meanwhile my buddies are ignoring the arguing, the yelling, the growing pile of money… The two of them have spent the whole time lost deep in a private exploration of the pros and cons of drinking this pint all in one go.
“I don’t even think it’s humanly possible, dude”
“no, dude, I can do this, you have to believe in me”
“like, I want to support you, you’re amazing, but this is too much”
“no way, I’m positive I can do it. I’ll be fine. And you’re here if anything goes wrong”
“Yeah”
“I’m gonna do it!” and he picks up the pint, barely sloshing any of his clear liquid opponent over the brim.
Opinion B is cheering. Opinion A ranges from silently disapproving to not-so-secretly pleased. As he starts to drink a hush falls. A soft chant starts, a drunk and simple “go, Go, GO” that rises with each gulp. He’s clearly struggling now, but just as clearly determined. Actual tears are standing out at the corners of his eyes, but he tilts the glass up and finishes the last drop, letting out a loud sound, half gasp of triumph, half cry of pain. He falls backward against the cupboards below the sink, legs sprawled in front of him.
The crowd goes wild. People are losing. their. shit. They’re hugging each other and laughing. My other buddy reaches down and helps our friend to his feet. He puts his hands on the counter and leans, head hanging low. Someone bangs him on the back and he waves them away.
Then. He raises his hand. His head slowly comes up as everyone quiets down, watching. He looks around and he goes “I think… *belch* I think… I want another one.”
W H A T T T? The crowd loses it again – What a CHAMP! Can you BELIEVE it?! Opinion A is f r e a k i n g out. People are literally jumping up and down.
“ I AM!” he yells over the pandemonium, “I AM GOING TO DO THE EXACT SAME THING, AGAIN!” and with that he turns around and fills the pint glass from the kitchen faucet.
He drinks the second glass in a room perfectly filled with confused silence. It isn’t until he slams the glass down and picks up the money that it fast forwards into extreme outrage. My two friends run. The kitchen empties after them like pellets from a shotgun.
They had to throw the money in the air in the front yard to get away.
