Ken “Popehat” White (previously)
is a former US federal prosecutor whose explanations of the minutae of
law have been invaluable to my understanding of the legal controversies
swirling around Trump and his retinue.
White’s latest piece, delving into this week’s FBI raid on Michael Cohen,
the Trump lawyer who tried to secure the silence of adult actress
Stormy Daniels regarding her sexual affair with Donald Trump.
The key takeaway from White’s explainer is that this is a Big Deal;
moreover, it’s a Big Deal in precisely the way that many of the other
news-blips about the president’s legal woes were not. This isn’t just something that sounds scary to laypeople but bores legal experts. This is yuuuuuge.
A sitcom about the modern Greek gods where everyone is wildly miscast
Zeus is played by Michael Cera
😂😂😂😂 Hephaestus is Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
@seerofbirds has cast Danny DeVito as Aphrodite and @qrowxiii has cast Eddie Murphy as Ares, so this is shaping up to be a pretty great TV pitch and if anyone from Hollywood is reading this, could you also consider casting Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson as Hermes and Christopher Walken as Apollo, thanks.
Hera is Oscar Isaac because are you really going to cheat on Oscar Isaac, Michael Cera? Really? You’d do that? You’d look at that man’s face and chase tail somewhere else, Michael Cera, you sack of shit?
I’m dying this is fantastic I NEED THE WHOLE CAST
Hades is Whoopi Goldberg and Persephone is Jeff Goldblum and Demeter is Julie Andrews. Their interplay makes up 70% of the film and is all improvised.
Athena is played by Amy Schumer (thanks anon!) and she defeats her enemies by being incredibly loud and annoying and plagiarising all their tactics and eventually they just give up in irritation. She only has 3 minutes of screen time and no dialogue. Thank fuck.
Heracles is played by Jesse Eisenberg because Michael Cera got to be Zeus. Sometimes they swap roles. No-one notices.
Poseidon is played by Daniel Craig but his only scene is when he reenacts the famous Bond scene with speedos.
Artemis is played by Robert Pattinson and all his lines are just slightly amended from Twilight. Dionysus is played by Helen Mirren. It is perhaps the only apt casting in the film.
To clarify, Hestia is absolutely played by Charles Dance, whose costume includes an apron which gets progressively dirtier throughout the series.
In the sitcom, which precedes the feature film and which focuses on certain myths every episode, Narcissus is played by John Goodman. Echo is played by Billy Crystal.
Other episodes include the story of Eros and Psyche, played respectively by Jane Fonda and Shirley MacLaine, the story of Daedalus and Icarus, played respectively by Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern, and the story of Zeus overthrowing Cronus, in which Michael Cera as Zeus must defeat Cronus, as played by John Cena, in a battle of wits and muscle. Astonishingly, he wins.
this is all very good gud
but who is perseus and medusa? jason , Midas, circe, media, please I NEED TO KNOW
These are very important questions and I will answer them immediately.
Perseus and Medusa are played by Andy Samberg and Glenn Howerton. All their scenes together are just them one upping each other with improvised insults.
Jason and Medea are played by John Boyega and Meryl Streep, and all their scenes are so beautifully acted that they both get nominated for Oscars, despite the fact that one of Jason’s lines is “are you trying to fleece me out of the golden fleece?”, to which Medea replies “me, fleece you? Oh no, me dear.”
Midas is played by Steve Buscemi, obviously. For no discernible reason, everything he touches does not turn to gold, but copper alloy. This is possibly due to budget cuts. Due to their on screen chemistry, he bizarrely has several buddy cop style scenes with Jeff Goldblum’s Persephone.
Circe does not appear. If she did, she would be played by Audrey Hepburn, using that creepy CGI from the Galaxy adverts, but her estate refuse to give their permission.
Important updates:
(Anonymous suggests: Kelsey Asbille Chow playing Achilles, Michelle Obama is Thetis, Danny Trejo as Helen, Terry Crewes as Paris, and Adrien Brody as Hector. olvmpos says: Ganymede is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and regularly benchpresses Michael Cera.)
Hey @teashoesandhair I’m not saying that I felt inspired and sketched Whoopi Goldberg and Jeff Goldblum as Hades and Persephone but that’s exactly what I’m saying
OH GOD THIS IS PERFECTION. THANK YOU. JUST THANK YOU. PHENOMENAL.
YOU’RE WELCOME BUT ALSO PLEASE HELP COS I CAN’T STOP
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE POSTER FOR THE SERIES, YOU HEAR ME
I’m mad that people are just reblogging the first post here because YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON THE MOST INCREDIBLE ARTWORK YOU’LL EVER SEE
Okay, I gotta ask, who’s the Hyacinthus to Christopher Walken’s Apollo?
I can already hear Apollo’s relevant lines in Walken’s distinct cadence, but I wanna know who he’s cradling, devastated, while crying out in anguish and also pausing at all the wrong places.
What a great question, and it brings me absolute joy to reveal to you that it’s Jackie Chan. He does all his own stunts. There is only one stunt, and it’s him collapsing into Christopher Walken’s arms. For some reason, there are explosions.
The RNC sent me a notice of official census material that was actually a fundraiser for the republican candidates running in the midterms. The paperwork was presented as being an official document required to be filled out by law, but it was patently false. This is corruption. This is meant to deceive people into giving data and money to a political party under the guise of nonpartisan census data. This undermines trust in the census, local government, and the democratic process. This is beyond disgusting, and I’m mailing back the form to tell the RNC how I really feel about their bullshit.
Wow. That’s fucked up. Like truly. How evil can you be?
@makethwoman I’m starting to get behind husband on his paranoia about filling these things out.
NGL, the “Paid for by the Republican National Committee” stamp at the bottom and “Would you like to donate to Trump to “Make America Great Again”” are both pretty obvious to me. But someone is going to fall to this ploy.
The EU is mooting a new copyright regime for the largest market in the
world, and the Commissioners who are drafting the new rules are
completely captured by the entertainment industry, to the extent that
they have ignored their own experts and produced a farcical Big Content
wishlist that includes the most extensive internet censorship regime the
world has ever seen, perpetual monopolies for the biggest players, and a
ban on European creators using Creative Commons licenses to share their
works.
Since these filter systems are incredibly expensive to create and
operate, anyone who wants to get into business competing with the
companies that grew large without having to create systems like these
will have to source hundreds of millions in capital before they can even
enter the market. Youtube 2018 can easily afford Content ID; Youtube
2005 would have been bankrupted if they’d had to build it.
And then there’s the matter of banning Creative Commons licenses.
In order to bail out the largest newspapers in the EU, the Commission is
proposing a Link Tax – a fee that search engines and sites like Boing
Boing will have to pay just for the right to link to news stories on the
web. This idea has been tried before in Spain and Germany and the
newspapers who’d called for it quickly admitted it wasn’t working and
stopped using it.
But the new, worse-than-ever Link Tax contains a new wrinkle:
rightsholders will not be able to waive the right to be compensated
under the Link Tax. That means that European creators – who’ve released
hundreds of millions of works under Creative Commons licenses that
allow for free sharing without fee or permission – will no longer be
able to choose the terms of a Creative Commons license; the inalienable,
unwaivable right to collect rent any time someone links to your
creations will invalidate the core clause in these licenses.
Europeans can write to their MEPs and the European Commission using this joint Action Centre; please act before it’s too late.
