[[Context: the party had encountered a non-aggressive skeleton and were trying to stop the paladin from attacking it. One player had earlier been polymorphed into a lobster for unrelated reasons]]
Lobster: “Before he attacks, can I try to intimidate him out of it?”
DM: “From [the bard]’s pocket?”
Lobster: “Yes.” [Rolls a nat 20]
DM: (while the rest of the party is collectively losing its shit) “[Paladin], you’re moving towards the skeleton, but out of the corner of your eye you see, emerging from [bard]’s pocket, two little claws. A sense of terror begins to grow in your chest as the claws open and close, going ‘snip, snip,’ and with each little snip you feel your heart thud. You are rendered immobile with fear.”
Greg Gianforte is a short-tempered, hyper-conservative Montana political hopeful who is standing for the GOP in a special election for a Congressional seat; he is also invested in Russian firms that are under US sanction.
At a recent press conference, Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs asked Gianforte about the Republican healthcare plan. Gianforte went berserk, body-slamming Jacobs, punching him repeatedly, and breaking his glasses, while shouting “Get the hell out of here.”
Gianforte’s staff then lied about the incident, libeling Jacobs by claiming he had “entered the office without permission, aggressively shoved a recorder in Greg’s face, and began asking badgering questions.” None of this is borne out by multiple eyewitness accounts and a recording.
Gianforte has a hostile relationship to the press. At an American Conservatism Society meeting in April, an audience member said, “Our biggest enemy is the news media. How can we rein in the news media?” and Gianforte responded by pointing to a reporter, saying, “We have someone right here. It seems like there is more of us than there is of him.”
Gianforte tried to run for the governorship of Montana in 2016, but failed. Gallatin Sheriff Brian Gootkin (who gave $250 to Gianforte’s campaign) says he is investigating the incident, and requests that people stop calling the Gallatin 911 number to report it.
The 128,000 fake comments are likely to be “considered” by the FCC. The agency and its chairman, Dingo Babysitter and former cable lobbyist Ajit Pai have repeatedly said that the Commission likes to “err on the side of inclusion” and thus not discard comments unless they have obvious fake names like Joseph Stalin.
Context: The normally highly patient player character have gotten to the point where they are extremely done with my NPC’s bullshit and habit of using big, associative or vague wording when talking.
Player (in-character): “Male… Cow… Manure…”
GM(me): *long silence while processing… Then bursts out in laughter*
