Bartender: thanks for stopping that bar fight, spiderman. Can I get you a drink? It’s on the house
Peter: thank you, but I can’t
Bartender: why not
Peter:
Bartender:
Peter, trying not to give his age away: I’m pregnant
Bartender, shook: oh, congratulations, boy or girl?
Peter, now in full-on panic mode: it’s an uh, spider
I’m seeing stuff in the notes about “Miles would do this” and I just want to say: you’re absolutely right. All Spider-folks across all universes share one (1) singular brain cell and most of the time it’s Gwen’s.
As the current author of Spider-Gwen, I can attest that Gwen has not seen the brain cell in years.
What I get from this is that Gwen was the last known person to have the brain cell and has lost it.
Why Movies About College are Actually Full of Shit.
This is very important because my brother and I grew up thinking college was like this. Like we would live out a beer commercial.
And when I got to college and it DIDN’T happen, it stressed me out. I thought I was doing something wrong again. I had, apparently, messed up high school according to the media, and now college?! The supposed best time of my life?! It created a big depression, and living far from home made it worse as I had no friends or family I could immediately talk to. It took a long time for me to understand that movies and commercials and shows that portray college like that is complete and utter bullshit.
Also, a reminder:
Most Americans don’t have college degrees. Of the ones who do, tons of them don’t finish in four years.
Lots of people go to community colleges.
Lots of people live at their parents’ house while in school.
The TV and movie stereotype of college–even just the “everyone goes to college and lives in a dorm” thing–only a tiny minority of Americans actually live that out.
I’ve been playing Sims a lot lately so I made an avengers game and it consists of three households
Household 1:
Tony
Pepper
Morgan
Peter
Harley
Rhodey
Natasha
Clint
Household 2:
Steve
Sam
Bucky
T’Challa
Shuri
Carol
Maria
Monica
Household 3:
Thor
Bruce
Loki
Valkyrie
Okoye
Scott
Hope
Cassie
I’ll keep you guys updated.
Valkyrie is making moves on Okoye. It’s not what I intended but I’m not mad about it.
I should mention that the only romantic relationships I have already established are Tony and Pepper who are married, Carol and Maria who are engaged (bc I wanted a wedding), and Scott and Hope who are dating. Also that Peter, Harley, and Morgan are Pepperony’s kids, Monica is both Carol and Maria’s instead of just Maria’s, but Cassie is still Scott’s and not Hope’s.
Loki has entered the criminal career and Thor wants to be a chef
One of Nat’s whims (little goals, if you don’t play the game) is to go on a date with Bucky, but I already have him making moves on Sam oh no oh fuck
T’CHALLA LIT HIMSELF ON FIRE OH NO OH FUCK CLINT IS THE ONLY ONE WHO’S CLOSE ENOUGH TO EXTINGUISH HIM BUT HE’S FREAKING OUT OH NO OH FUCK
Sam extinguished T’Challa so everything’s fine. Also, Pepper has whims to connect to both Peter and Morgan but not Harley
Alright, a lot happened so here’s the update
Morgan and Monica have become close friends
Bucky and Sam are officially dating, as are Okoye and Valkyrie
Pepper wants to have another child
I think Nat and T’Challa are going to have a thing together
Hope and Pepper have become enemies, but Harley and Cassie are best friends
Peter and Pepper have taken up the baking skill
Tony and Pepper have entered the science career
Bruce has entered the medical career
Loki lit the kitchen on fire but I didn’t realize for a while, so I had to redo the entire first floor but Cassie’s birth certificate was destroyed
Peter wants to kiss Shuri, but Shuri wants to go on a date with Harley
Peter’s having a mood swing bc that’s what teenagers do I guess, idk
Carol and Maria’s wedding is scheduled for today at the park but Carol and Monica both have the llama flu
Carol and Maria’s wedding was very cute except for the fact that eight people now have the llama flu. Those eight being Pepper, Peter, Nat, Steve, Bucky, Thor, Scott and Cassie
I come to you with very sad news… Loki has passed away. He accidentally lit himself on fire while no one was home. His gravestone is in the backyard.
But also SaM aNd BuCkY aRe EnGaGeD *air horn air horn air horn*!!!
Since Pepper and Tony both want to have another kid, I’ll probably move Rhodey into household 3 bc there’s space now that Loki’s dead
I FORGOT THAT GHOSTS EXISTED IN THE SIMS 4 SO WHEN LOKI’S GHOST CAME INTO THE FUCKING BATHROOM AND STARTED FUCKING WITH THE SINK WHILE THOR WAS IN THE SHOWER CRYING I FUCKING SCREAMED
Ok last update of the night:
Pepper is pregnant with their fourth child and Rhodey has successfully moved into household 3
Peter had to go to the hospital but everything’s fine now
Bucky and Sam almost called off their engagement but once again, everything’s fine now
Morgan has decided to live her life in a bear costume and idk how long that’ll last so that’s kinda weird
The llama flu is still running rampant because people keep catching it and giving it back to each other so everyone is sneezing and coughing and feverish, making it hard to go to work, so we haven’t been making a lot of money
Those was a while back but I forgot to mention that Sam, Bucky, Maria and Carol have all joined the military career
Peter and Shuri are romantic interests, as are T’Challa and Natasha
PEPPERS GONNA HAVE A KID AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO NAME IT OH NO OH FUCK
OMFG CLINT JUST DIED WHAT THE HELL AND FUCK IS GOING ON
@shanmaolynx suggested that I name the baby Yinsen if it’s a boy and Nebula if it’s a girl and luckily, we had twins so welcome Nebula and Yinsen Stark to the family!
Morgan is unhappy about the addition to the family oh no but Peter and Shuri are going steady oh yeah
It would be immensely easier to plan Sambucky’s wedding if Bucky could go .2 seconds without getting sick
Also, to @fightyspidey who asked, Rhodey stays home with the kids while Pepper, Tony, and Nat are at work.
This is one of my favorite posts because that cat’s fucking name is fucking meatloaf
Let us just appreciate that this person’s dad didn’t know when they would be home and so he couldn’t plan for them to be able to join the family for dinner, but he knew with no doubts that dear sweet Meatloaf staying in that exact position for hours was an absolute in this scenario. Truly, that cat was named well.
one of my favorite posts on tumblr over the course of 5 fucking years.. clearly i need a life
Meatloaf is a reliable cat and did not steal the money for selfish reasons. A rare friend.
you ever see girls that are so pretty that you don’t know what to do with yourself
i made a pretty girl laugh w/a silly joke and i got so flustered that i apologized
this pretty girl told me my hair was cute and touched it briefly and I couldn’t form full sentences for a solid 10 minutes.
at a football game a pretty girl told me i was cute and she also called me kiddo and i couldnt play my instrument right for the rest of the night
every girl I see is pretty, I am in a constant state of paralysis
this pretty girl offered to teach me how to longboard and when she was teaching me how to balance she put her hands on my hips and I felt my soul leave my body
one time a pretty girl called me “gorgeous” and I was so shocked and flustered that I literally cried right in front of her
today a pretty girl walked me out of class and i was surprised when she kept walking even though we reached her bus stop and i asked her where she was heading and she said “oh i just wanted to walk you to wherever you’re going” and we both blushed
at work this summer there was a pretty girl who came in multiple times a week and every single day she showed up I would lose the ability to form coherent sentences for at least ten minutes
A pretty cashier at the campus store told me I was pretty and I got so flustered that when I went back to my room I had to lay down for half an hour and my roommate was starting to get concerned.
There’s a REALLY pretty girl in my band class and she’s three chairs away from me and every time I even glance up at her she looks back and smiles at me and I forget how to read music
This entire post just added 10 years to my life and soul
Once I was getting off the bus and there was a girl so beautiful next to me that I tripped and walked into a bus pole.
honestly me every time i see my gf, like holy shit, but also once in college i ran across this weird gothy/pseudo-victorian girl and she was so painfully pretty that i died
Once I met a girl so pretty I lost all ability to differentiate between languages and gave her my coffee order in three different ones mashed together.
(She laughed at me, but that’s okay, because she married me two years later.)
This thread ended in the best possible way. I hope y’all stay pure
The cat re-enactment of the movie fight scene where the fighter attacks a small threat, the small threat spots the bigger threat and runs away, then the fighter slowly realises the bigger threat and also runs away.
Twist on the ‘chosen one’ trope that I’ve been super into lately: your hero is the actual Chosen One, selected by gods or destiny or what-have-you, but they themselves think they’re lying about it.
It’s been centuries and nobody’s been able to pull the magic blade that can kill the demon king from the stone, but people keep dying–so the local blacksmith takes a hammer and chisel to the rock in the middle of the night because fuck it, somebody has to do something. Little do they know the sword was specifically placed so as to be un-drawable by everyone until somebody came along with enough practicality to do things the sensible way.
The paladin very definitely never had any prophetic dreams, but if she’d said she was leaving her village to go be a mercenary just because she was so desperate to get out everybody would have cried and scolded and been super-judgy, so she maybe invented a Call a little bit. But now her first aid’s working way better than it should and some weird shit happened the other day with those undead, and she still hasn’t had had any contact from her god but she’s not meant to be this good of a liar.
A trio of con artists take on the persona of an old folk-legend for a job, and gets in over their heads when a little sleight-of-hand gets out of hand and the whole countryside starts believing it. They end up fulfilling half the prophecy just by deliberately trying so the con doesn’t fall apart around them. Meanwhile the other half of the prophecy’s coming true around them at every turn, which they keep chalking up to good fortune, assuming one of their co-conspirators is pulling off on purpose, or just plain not noticing because they’re too distracted with the rest of the con.
Possibly I just need to watch The Road to El Dorado again, but seriously, more of THIS trope please.
