Something I think about from time to time is that a lot of people throughout my life have claimed I’m more uh…. “noticeable” (???) than other people. A lot of times as a kid I’d get in trouble for whispering too loudly backstage at plays and other kids and adults would rally around me and say “she was being just as quiet as everyone else” and the stage manager would say “well her voice is the only one I heard.”
Anyway it never really stuck out to me until I was living in Norway and the house was separated into the upstairs and downstairs with extremely insulated walls and a carefully sealed door because the upstairs bedrooms weren’t heated and everyone hung out downstairs in the living room by the wood stove.
And one day I came through the door and everyone in the entire living room was turned to look at me and I felt self conscious obviously and I was like “uh what….” and they looked a little confused and they all said “oh nothing” and went back to their business
But it went on like that all the time. Any time I came through a door, from upstairs or outside or the kitchen, everyone was always turned to look at me and I was always a little freaked out and they were definitely noticing it too and they’d always just sort of acknowledge it with a laugh then go back to whatever they were doing
and I started trying to walk super quietly and make no noise but it was always the same and one day one of them said
“Ok. I don’t know why, but I always know when you’re coming, even if I don’t hear you.”
He said it like it was weird, because it WAS, but then Everyone else laughed and started agreeing like “yes!!! Me too!! I know when she is coming!”
And I was obviously like hey uh what does that MEAN? Do you mean you hear me? Like distinct footsteps??
And they all said no, they just get some “sense” or “feeling” that I’m about to come through the door or come home, and they can’t explain it but they always just get the feeling to turn to look and I’ll be there and then I am. I was like hello???? But they all said I shouldn’t worry about it because ultimately it doesn’t matter and after a few more minutes they all just let it go.
But this HAUNTS me
I have the exact opposite problem where people (especially at work) won’t notice me entering a space and will get exaggeratedly startled when they see me or I speak to them. Every single time they’re like “you’re so quiet!! You snuck up on me!!” Even when I had made a deliberate effort to loudly stomp up the stairs and close the door firmly so they’d have some warning before I started talking, somehow my quiet energy overcame the actual noises I was making.
We put too many stats into charisma and stealth respectively
I also suffer from the opposite problem. I have made at least five of my coworkers jump out of their skin just this week.
My former roommate literally put a bell on me so she’d know when I was coming and going, but more importantly, when I’d gotten distracted and separated from the group.
On the other hand, I’ve been told by multiple teachers, managers and co-workers that I have an ‘aura’ or ‘presence’ that can be rather loud and intimidating esp if it’s a situation in which I’m expected to verbally participate.
Walk softly and be ready to tell a motherfucker, I guess.
I’m also the ‘unnoticeable’ sort, but it goes beyond just being able to sneak up on people with minimal effort. I’m unnoticeable in pretty much any context. On the internet, in group outings, even among friends. I once went on a school trip, and when the group of buddies I was with stopped for a bathroom break, I came out of the bathroom last and everyone was gone. I try to make friends with people I encounter with whom I happen to have something in common – I give them the means to contact me, and I never hear from them again. I try to stay in touch with certain old friends and they never respond. If I want to talk with a current friend I have to initiate the conversation.
And the really interesting part is, I’m able to trace this ‘trait’ of sorts back to a specific period of my life, before which I don’t remember dealing with the same frustration that it gives me now. I sometimes refer to this period as the time when I ‘learned invisibility’ and it amounts to a year or so of my life when all of my friends seemed to become largely unaware of my existence. After this period ended, when we all started high school, they were able to notice me again and apparently forgot that my previous state of nonexistence ever happened.
Anyway, while startling people does keep me entertained, being unnoticeable (as a minor form of invisibility) is rather overrated.
I’m also of the unnoticeable sort.
I could hide in plain sight and my parents wouldn’t be able to see me until I was ready to go inside.
I took a long time and some effort to be less unnoticeable.
Speaking loudly enough to be heard is still a struggle.
