tony stark’s youtube channel but it’s just him complaining about the avengers’ fashion sense
“seriously guys if yall gonna live off of my money at least dress better”
It all starts with Clint Barton. Of course it does. The man couldn’t dress himself if Coco Chanel was his personal adviser. She’d probably give up after five minutes. That’s what Pepper did after she tried to convince Clint to give up his old shoes.
But that’s Clint. That’s fine. But then Tony notices everyone else. Steve, with the ill-fitting pants and shirts that yes, are good to look at, but come on. Tony will only let Steve visit the president in uncomfortably tight pants at least once.
Then he notices that when she’s not on mission, Natasha has only a sampling of an idea of what she likes. A lot of loose things, but a lot of it doesn’t fit well. Tony stares at the sweatshirt she drowns in and just sighs. The joy of being the only fashionable one.
Thor doesn’t care enough, and Bruce also doesn’t.
“I don’t want people to see me, so why bother?” Bruce asks with a shrug. (Tony still doesn’t know how Thor looks at Bruce like he’s got stars around his head when he’s in a really bad graphic tee he got from the bargain bin for ninety-nine cents, but whatever.)
So he starts a YouTube channel after seeing a Met Gala roast. He knows if Wintour hadn’t banned him from them for saying that “Iron Man could be on staff for all of the mistaken invitations” they’d be so much more on-theme.
It starts out small, actually. Just a side project of Tony walking around his lab and ranting about “how can Clint wear THAT. That monstrosity. God, he looks so bad. WHy is he like this.”
But the video that blows up is the one that features Steve. (Naturally.)
Tony rants for fifteen minutes about how Steve has the sense of “a fruit fly in front of a swatter” and brings up multiple outfit choices that he had had to convince Steve out of.
And then.
The line.
It’s iconic. It’s wonderful. It’s absolutely used in pop culture afterwards.
“If they’re going to live off my money, they might as well dress better,” Tony had muttered. He’d forgotten to cut it, and Friday and Jarvis had both agreed to leave it in. (Tony hates kind of that Friday is learning from her big brother, she could be so much better behaved.)
But regardless, it blows up. There are shirts, there are celebrities reacting, and more than a few dirty looks from his fellow teammates. Tony shrugs.
There was an idea, called the Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, see if they could become something more. See if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles we never could.
Okay but honestly we were ROBBED of the comedy gold that is the 2012 Avengers. Like The Avengers should have ended with them actually moving into the tower instead of just Tony building the floors for them and then every movie after should have been non-stop shenanigans. The entire friendship dynamic between Tony and Thor was hilarious, from the elevator scene when Tony and Thor are telling the Hulk he has to take the stairs to the entire scene between them and Alexander Pierce. Also, “Stark! Is it your chest machine?! I’m gonna try something and I have no idea if it’s gonna work”, and his happy YES! when it does like… this is God-tier comedy and if you think I wouldn’t have paid to see 8 five hour movies entirely made up of just more scenes like this then you’re wrong.
Might I redirect everyone who’s reblogged this to the absolute gold that is Avengers Assemble, which takes the humor and dynamics showed the mcu and makes it 100% better.
After Ragnarok, the Revengers travel back to earth, which includes everybody meeting up with Loki again. As prompted by the post by @artemxmendacium Loki meeting Peter goes a lot better than a certain Irondad feared.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
“Thor, why on earth would you bring Loki here?”
Stark was angry, and Thor had to admit for good
reason. The last time the Avengers had seen his brother he was in chains after
attacking New York and was trying to kill them. But a lot had happened since
then and Loki was no longer the homicidal maniac, as some may have put it; he
was getting better, which Thor tried to explain to his friends.
“I understand your hesitation, but believe me when I
tell you that he has changed.”
“He threw me off a building!”
“I am aware, but…”
“Do you remember how many people he killed?”, Natasha
continued.
“I do.” Thor knew it would be hard to convince them of
Loki’s changed nature. They hadn’t seen him back on Asgard and Sakaar, how they
worked together, side by side. “I also do remember how many people he saved on
Asgard.”
“And we’re just supposed to believe that?”
“Tony, I know it’s hard to believe, but I actually saw
it with my own eyes”, Bruce explained, “we did fight together.”
Thank Frigga for Bruce. Maybe Tony would trust his
word.
“I’m sorry Bruce, but I don’t trust Hulk’s judgement
on fighting.”
“You know, I don’t either. But we have travelled
all across the galaxy together, and, as weird as it is to admit
it, but we’re actually friends.”
Thor looked around the room, at his fellow Avengers,
as reassuringly as he could.
“Guys, I’m sorry, but it is a lot to take in. You
disappear for two years which you spent as gladiator-style slaves on an alien
planet before blowing up your homeplanet to defeat your evil older sister you
never knew and oh, by the way, Loki is good now”, Clint summarized. “Excuse us
for taking a moment to process all this.”
“I understand”, Thor answered, “though if you put it
like that, my brother being good is the most believable of all this.” He
grinned a little and heard a chuckle from Bruce.
“It’s really not funny, guys”, Nat grumbled.
“It’s a little funny.”
“Maybe you had to be there…” Bruce gently patted his
arm, sort of pulled him back. Maybe humour was the wrong way to smooth things
over.
“Friends, we are not asking you to trust Loki. We are
asking you to trust us!”, he pleaded.
Tony locked eyes with Bruce. “You really trust him?”
“I trust that he is willing to better himself and I
trust that we can help him with that”, he nodded.
The Avengers exchanged a few glances, before Tony took
two steps towards Thor, who was getting a little nervous. What if they were to
tell them to leave?
“You vouch for your brother, Point Break?”
“I take full responsibility”, Thor nodded.
“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”, he grumbled and
shook his head, before looking back up. “Fine. We will give him a chance. But
the slightest slip-up…”
“Thank you, Stark, a chance is all I’m asking for.”
Gratefully, he smiled at the man, before he turned to Bruce. “What do you say,
we go and give him the good news?”
“That will not be necessary.”
Thor didn’t need to turn around to recognize his
little brother’s voice. Of course, he had listened in on the entire discussion.
And his friends looked mad about that.
“Loki, what about waiting outside?”, Bruce hissed at
him.
“But it is so much more fun here!” With a smug grin,
Loki greeted the Avengers. “Hello. Long time, no see. How have you been?”
Silence. Thor and Bruce exchanged a quick, worried
glance, before Bruce broke it. “How about I take Loki back to the ship and get
all our belongings?”
“That is a good idea, Bruce.” He nodded at his friend
and shot his brother a warning glance. Loki did a theatrical curtsy and
followed Bruce out of the room.
As soon as the door closed, it felt like all the
tension vanished out of the room. Everybody sank on a chair, leaned against the
furniture and Thor wasn’t sure what to do or say.
Avengers AU – If Tony was Peter’s biological father
Tony is super protective of his son. And Peter, inspired by his dad, becomes Spiderman anyway (his dad and his Uncle Rhodey figure him out in a second though).
“Maybe your army comes and maybe it’s too much for us but it’s all on you. Because if we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we’ll avenge it.” – Tony Stark, The Avengers
And a *Bonus* (in keeping with Marvel tradition) –
Hope everyone enjoys these as much as I do – they took long enough to make. But they’re finally finished – hey, let’s celebrate with some sleep! Good evening, all. 🙂
