the least thing that he can do is go get her body, give her a funeral.
sam volunteers to come with him, but clint goes alone. they only have so many pym particles, after all, and clint isn’t sure what he’ll do when he sees nat, isn’t sure if he wants anyone to see him break down.
when he comes back to earth, the other avengers are kind enough to ignore the tear stains.
–
clint almost doesn’t give the eulogy.
he asks maria to do it, after tony’s funeral, knows that she can come up with one off the top of her head, one that would probably be better than the one he had worked on for hours.
she shakes her head, though, gives him a sad, small smile.
“she was your best friend, barton. you knew her best. and you were there when…you were there for it. it’s only fitting that you’re the one to do it.”
the podium looks like a gallows to him.
he can’t do natasha justice in one speech, can’t even begin to scratch the surface of her.
but he has to try.
–
shuffling the note cards that his speech is written on, the words dry up in clint’s mouth as he looks out at the assembled crowd. they feel fake, forced.
so he puts down the cards, and just talks.
“i, uh…i met natasha when she was still working for the russians. sent to kill her, actually. she was – she was fucking terrifying, honestly, in that uniquely tasha way of hers, y’know? people make threats, but tasha never really had to. she’d just fix you with that look, and you knew what was coming. but she was more than that. she was so much more than a scary badass assassin, though that was pretty cool of her, too.”
he has to stop for a moment, try to gather his thoughts and fight back the sobs that are already rising up in his eyes.
“i had the honor of being her first friend at shield, and getting to know her and help her become the hero she died as. she was funny and kind and wicked smart, and seeing her open up was…it meant a lot. she’d spent so much of her life being hurt and hurting people, never allowed to make her own decisions, and living like that – it fucks you up. but she didn’t let that slow her down. she never let anybody define her. honestly, this speech feels kinda ridiculous, ‘cause i know i can’t explain her with it.”
maria gives him a comforting smile from the front row, and clint takes a deep breath, forcing himself to continue on.
“another thing about her was…she liked sugary foods. a lot. like, seriously, you couldn’t have any cookies or candy around her, she’d always find it and steal it. thor lost a lot of poptarts that way.”
thor nods solemnly, and clint almost laughs.
“but yeah, she always treated having sugar like it was some kind of present. she wasn’t used to it, y’know? didn’t have much of that stuff growing up in the red room. didn’t have much of anything, really. and she…she could’ve used that as a reason to be selfish, i guess. but i don’t think that ever crossed her mind. she was selfless, only ever wanted to help people, make sure that they were all okay before she even thought about herself. and she…she died to save the universe.”
the room is quiet, the stillness only broken by a few tears.
“she died to save me. she did so fucking much for me, and i-now i’m never gonna be able to pay that back. the black widow was so many things to so many people, but above everything she was just tasha. she was my best friend. and if i could see her again, i’d-i didn’t tell her i loved her as much as i should have. ‘cause i did. i do. always.”
he has to take a moment, then, to bury his face in his hands and try not to cry, even though they all know that he’s sobbing.
“but we…we have what we have when we have it. that’s what she always said. so let’s make the best of it, everybody, you hear? it’s what she’d want us to do. just make the best of it.”
I always found it a bit odd. Hilarious, but it raised too many questions. When did Steve make these? Why did Steve make these? How did he manage to be so cheesy and overly sincere knowing how much crap he would get from the other Avengers for it?
Well, today my sister told me her headcanon. Picture the scene. Steve leans on the back of a chair, as above. Peter immediately launches into ‘So, you got detention…’. Cap blinks. Peter awkwardly tries to explain. It turns out Cap has no idea what videos he means, and neither do any of the other Avengers.
So they get in touch with the company who made them, and they swear blind that it was really the real Captain America, and that it all his idea. That he came in and said how much he wanted to help the youth of today.And the Avengers all lose it because someone is running around doing an unbelievably good impression of Captain America, they could have destroyed his reputation, they could have infiltrated the Avengers; and instead all they are apparently using it for is to make silly, embarrassing videos.
It’s completely baffling. Who could possibly be behind it all?
A concept: Steve, with super soldier sensitive nose, finds women smell a lot better than men. Not that men smell bad, just… women seem to use more subtle floral or fruity smelling things. Men’s stuff is always spicy in some way. The first time he went to buy himself soap and he swiveled down the men’s aisle he was nearly knocked off his feet by the smell. (He has JARVIS order his soap now.) The women’s aisle is cloying but not bad.
So he can’t understand why Tony always smells so good.
It drives him absolutely bananas. When they’re in the decontamination showers, Tony still smells good, even with the plain soaps everyone has to use. Sometimes Bruce has to use his shower but he never smells the same as Tony. Steve’s even gone so far as to sneak into Tony’s bathroom (and then been shocked by the sheer amount of product that exists in Tony’s shower) and try and sniff out what exactly it is, but he can’t find it. He figures it’s just something that’s specifically Tony.
And then he sees Tony rubbing something creamy onto his bruised arm after a battle. The only reason he doesn’t tackle Tony to the ground is because he saw him get thrown into a building and he’s probably sore. “WHAT’S THAT!” he bellows without meaning to, making every Avenger except for Bruce jump, and that’s only because Bruce is passed out across Thor’s lap. Tony stares at him in terror before cautiously answering, “A bruise cream?” He makes a startled, squeaky noise as Steve lunges at him, pressing his nose to his skin. There. That’s the smell. “What’s in it,” he hisses like some sort of goblin. “…Aloe and arnica?” Tony squeaks. “It smells good,” Steve tells him with perhaps more aggression than he means to again. “…Thank you,” Tony says after a minute, at a loss for literally any other words.
Steve: WHAT’S THAT!!!
Tony: …. A Bruise Cream…?
Steve: w HATs’ IN IT
Tony: Aloe and arnica…?
Steve: ….
I had to. I just had to. God, @reioka, your ideas!!! Just. Your IDEAS!!!
Peter Parker being utterly terrified of small spaces after what happened in Homecoming, but he never says it to any of the Avengers because he can’t have weaknesses, he can’t be afraid of anything, none of them are- they’re only going to be reminded of how childish he is if he admits something like that.
Except one night they’re all eating take-out in the compound, and for the life of him Peter can’t remember how they managed to get onto the topic, but they start talking about fears. At first, Peter just shakes his head, denies it, he’s Spiderman, he’s not afraid of anything– but then he hears Steve speak, really quietly, and admit that he can’t stand being in water. Not after the plane crash.
And then Thor speaks up. He tells them all that he’s absolutely terrified of being alone. He can’t stand it, and sometimes it takes as little as a day of solitude before he has to find someone, anyone to talk to, or he feels like he can’t breathe.
Then Natasha tells everyone she’s afraid of dogs, her face blank, her fists slightly clenched, and she doesn’t explain any further, and no one asks. Clint tells them all he has a horrible fear of needles. Every time he needs an injection, he vomits. Bruce? Bruce has panic attacks in large crowds. He tells them all he has to skip out on charity galas and parties because he’s so terrified, sometimes.
Then Peter looks at Tony, and expects nothing, because really, it’s Iron Man. He’s been through everything, and he doesn’t even bat an eye at any of it. He’s the one Peter could never have finding out about his own weakness. Because Tony trusts him, Tony respects him, and if he knew Peter was so afraid of something so trivial, he’d surely-
“I’m scared of the dark,” Tony shrugs, looking down, and Peter just… stops.
The dark. Something as simple as the dark, and Tony is… Tony is afraid of the dark.
Iron Man is afraid of the dark.
Tony raises an eyebrow at Peter, and he realizes he’s staring. He looks down quickly, feeling like his heart is about to beat out of his ribcage.
That’s the day that he discovers something very, very important.
He’s can be scared, and still be a hero.
fucking ow
Before Peter’s brain catches up with his mouth, he blurts, “I’m afraid of small spaces.”
His knees pull in to his chest before he can command himself to stay relaxed, and he throws a quick look at Tony before continuing. “When I— when I was fighting Vulture, he— he dropped a building on me, and—“
A sharp “What.” sounds from his left but he presses on, feeling his heart leap into his throat and tears pour down his face.
“I couldn’t get out at first. And it was scary. And no one could hear me.” He sniffles a little and wipes his nose, staring down at his take-out with shaky hands. “I never told anyone. Not until today.”
He feels eyes on him and something tells him it’s Tony. The hairs on his neck prickle, telling him a building is going to fall on him again, or something just as bad— and his face crumples, so he hides between his knees and sobs into his thighs. “I’m sorry!” He warbles, shoulders shaking. “I’m sorry I never told you!”
“Peter, I— it’s okay.” Tony’s hand rests lightly on his shoulder but still he flinches before leaning back in, too embarrassed to look his mentor in the eye. “You— you told me now. And you got the bad guy. Pete, I’m not mad.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispers anyway. “I’m sorry for crying.”
Tony throws an exasperated look at the Avengers before pulling Peter in for a sound hug, putting his chin on top of his head. “Stop being sorry, Pete. I’m not mad. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Peter’s body trembles still, and he feels far too tired to lift his arms to hug him back. “Okay.”
Natasha crawls over, food forgotten. “Petey, it’s okay to be afraid. There isn’t a hero in all the world who hasn’t been scared before.”
Sam ruffles his hair in lieu of confirmation with a smile. “She’s right for once, kiddo.”
Bucky and Steve hum in agreement and Natasha punches Sam’s shoulder. “I’m always right, asshole.”
