Aziraphale in the paintball scene, though. I mean, seriously, y’all
Look
at
this
absolute
nerd
Especially that last gif! This is an angel that is literally thousands of years old, he helped create the motherfuckin’ universe, and he is p o u t i n g at Crowley over some paint on his jacket that he could EASILY remove himself.
But wait! There’s more!
Not only has Aziraphale already shown Crowley the stain, but Crowley has already circled him to assess the damage for himself.
And yet, after saying, “Well, I would always know the stain was there,” with that little pout, he turns to show Crowley the stain again.
And then! AND THEN!!
He gives Crowley this look.
Do you see the little raise of his eyebrows??? LOOK AGAIN
He could very easily get rid of this stain himself, but he is doing E V E R Y T H I N G in his power to get Crowley to do it for him.
“I could do this myself,” he’s saying, “but I’d rather you do it. You can do it better than me, can’t you? Please? Please, won’t you???”
The funniest part about this, fam, is that we all know Crowley needs very little prompting to actually indulge Aziraphale’s whims. He’s incredibly indulgent, anyways, we see ample evidence of that in Hard Times.
But this…I think (?) this is the first time that we see Aziraphale actively seeking out and trying to manipulate his way into getting one of those acts of service that Crowley so does like to give to him.
Like, sure, back during the Shakespeare scene, Aziraphale gives Crowley that very hopeful, “oh, WILL YOU?” look when Shakespeare mentions needing a miracle for Hamlet, but that is so different from this.
This is Aziraphale KNOWING that Crowley indulges and using that knowledge for his personal gain.
AND CROWLEY GIVES IT TO HIM. HE JUST. DOES.
That is the face of a spoiled angel that has gotten exactly what he wanted–a certain demon’s love and attention.
And that look Crowley gives him is just as devastating to me as Aziraphale’s sunshine smile over getting what he wanted.
That is a look of UTTER INDULGENCE.
He absolutely knows he’s been played but is happy to let it happen, because there is nothing quite as satisfying as indulging Aziraphale.
That is a look that says, “You’re so obvious, angel, and it’s adorable.”
He’s made his angel happy, what the fuck does he care?
you know the other thing that I really enjoy about Good Omens? Despite being messy af and bad at talking about their feelings and using their words, Crowley and Aziraphale are just like… actual grown-ups. Like, their defining character traits are that that they would risk literally everything to avoid a change in their daily routine. They literally defy Heaven and face down Satan to stop the Apocalypse because after a long day they just want to unwind at home with their significant other and a nice glass of red. Like they are SO decidedly middle-aged that actual paradise to these two immortal beings of immense otherworldly power is an early dinner out with your sweetie at your favorite restaurant and then going DIRECTLY home to open a bottle of wine and throw on your favorite album. and honestly, hard same?
Hard, hard same. The same is like granite. The same is like diamonds. The same is an 11 on the Mohs scale
gather round me, children. and i will tell you all the story of an alternate world where aziraphale works at a christian gifts store at the local mall, directly across from where crowley works at a spencer’s.
That doesn’t sound like an AU. That sounds like a canonical dare.
wait, do people know about aziraphale and crowley’s new year’s resolutions
at some point neil gaiman and terry pratchett wrote these up and they’re very good
Crowley:
Resolution #1: I must accept that Super-Gluing valuable coins to the sidewalk and then watching events from a nearby café is not proper demonic activity.
Resolution #2: The same applies to rearranging the letters on wayside pulpits.
Resolution #3: Try to come up with something as good as cell phone ringtones, following one last stab at convincing Downstairs that cell phone ringtones are right up there in the whole Human Misery stakes. And iPods. Has anybody Down There even said thank you for iPods? Or “Googling yourself?” Frankly, I deserve some kind of award for “Googling yourself.”
Resolution #4: I must encourage greedy people to use the term, “Low-hanging fruit,” because that’s just like old times.
Resolution #5: This year, I will get a desk near the window.
Resolution #6: I will try to understand why Hell is a no-smoking area. I just think it’s ridiculous having to stand around outside the gates, that’s all.
Resolution #7: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design, because it upsets everyone.
Resolution #8: Stop Googling myself.
Aziraphale:
Resolution #1: Spread peace and love and glad tidings of great joy throughout the world. Also try to get out more.
Resolution #2: I will be charitable to people who use the term “core values,” however difficult this may be.
Resolution #3: Notwithstanding Resolution #2 (above), I will redouble my efforts to have the utterance of the phrase “core values” classified as a deadly sin. I believe Himself is with me on this one.
Resolution #4: I will try to be nicer to the customers. They want to buy books; I want to sell them. It can’t be that hard. (Memo to self: Regular opening hours? Mark prices on books?)
Resolution #5: I will try to be polite to Gabriel, no matter what the provocation.
Resolution #6: Find out exactly what an “Internet” is.
Resolution #7: Really must resume dancing lessons. Learn the “Galloping Major,” the “Gay Gordons,” the “Mashed Potatoes.” Possibly even the “Twist”?
Resolution #8: Thwart Infernal Wiles (ongoing).
Resolution #9: I will try to understand why Heaven is a non-smoking area.
Resolution #10: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design – despite the fact that the human airway crosses the digestive tract. Who thought that was intelligent?
Aziraphale had learned a dance called “the gavotte” in a discreet gentlemen’s club in Portland Place in the late 1880s. After a while, he had become fairly good at it, and was quite put out when, some decades later, the gavotte went out of style for good.
Somehow, the lack of buzz about this makes me think that no one checked what gavotte was (is?). It’s a pheasant KISSING dance where partners exchange kisses at the end. That he learned at A DISCREET GENTLEMEN’S CLUB.
WHY is no one talking about this at all?
WAIT WHAT
… this is one of those things I just assume everyone knows.
we all talk about az being out of touch w technology but what about crowley. when does mr. “crowley automatically assumed all vehicles he drove would have cassette players and therefore this one did” “he forgot abt speakers so his sound system just works perfectly without them” find out no one uses cassette tapes anymore. when does he find out fax machines are obsolete. does he know what body wash is, bc he doesn’t need to shower and he doesn’t go to the grocery store. has he ever seen a granola bar. does he know about automatic transmissions. if crowley hadn’t invented fruit roll-ups i don’t think he would know what they were. there are unplumbed depths here. crowley doesn’t interact with the world like a human any more than aziraphale does and i think we may have forgotten that
It’s also a huge and hilarious plot-point that Crowley’s computer is showy, but doesn’t do much, whereas Aziraphale’s is an outright fossil, but very functional. And he uses it to keep all those scrupulous tax records in which nobody can prove he’s getting away with murder somewhere.
y’all realize this means that aziraphale is canonically 99x better with computers than crowley. aziraphale keeps incredibly detailed tax records on a computer in the 80s. do you know what computer was the most popular – particularly for financial records – in the 1980s? the IBM personal computer.
this thing ran a text-only operating system. the screen couldn’t display any images unless they were ASCII (like the logo shown above). the first iterations didn’t even have a multicolor display – just the standard green on white text you see in retro vaporwave shit.
to use a text-based operating system, you need to know virtually every command you could conceivably need to run in order to do what you need to do. need to open a file? first you need to locate it. you need to type the right command to move to the right directory and then you need to type the right command to open it in a text editor or viewer. you need to either know all these commands, or (in 1983) have them written down in a goddamn book and look them up one by one.
in other words, most people even now wouldn’t have the first idea how to take a crack at one of these motherfuckers.
and of all people, aziraphale can use one – not only reasonably, but well enough to keep tax records SO DETAILED that the IRS DOESN’T BELIEVE THEY ARE REAL.
and crowley’s computer doesn’t do anything. because he doesn’t know how to use it. sure, he’d be able to use windows 10 today with some instruction (what the hell is a mouse for, anyway?) but aziraphale would almost certainly be able to read the error codes the damn thing spits out when crowley inevitably breaks something
Crowley: angel, help me, I need to find a new pair of cool leather jacket online, my last one just caught on fire.
Aziraphale with hacker voice: Leave it to me
agreed, but this is because when Aziraphale inputs a command, the computer always does exactly what he expected it to do.
Aziraphale talks to his computer like he’s talking to a person By this point his computer is probably a person
He types “show me the picture I took last saturday of a duck” and the computer’s like “you took two pictures of ducks last saturday, here they are.” and ignores the pictures of geese and robins with no tagging required
input: Play that one of Crowley’s cursed bebops I have lodged in my head, please.
input: It goes do do do do do do do.
output:
despite being equipped with a sound system only capable of generating motherboard emergency beeps, somehow a full orchestral & choral cover rendition of Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls that had not previously existed
