Tag: Batman

My ideal beginning to a Batman movie:

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littlemissonewhoisall:

experimental-sponge:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

littlemissonewhoisall:

We start with a slow pan down to Gotham as Oracle narrates

“Ask your average person who Gotham’s most famous citizen is, and you’ll get the same response every time: Bruce Wayne. Everybody’s heard of Bruce Wayne. You’ve probably heard his name a million times before. But there are some things that the average citizen doesn’t know about him. See, to the people of Gotham, Bruce Wayne is a rich kid who never grew up. They think he’s a buffoon, an airhead, a moron. But the truth is…”

*Batman bursts out of a window, screaming, on fire*

*record scratch, freeze frame*

“…they aren’t entirely wrong about that.”

EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

This is then followed by a series of clips from interviews with various Gotham citizens, all of whom give humorously ironic descriptions of Bruce Wayne’s idiocy:

“Bruce Wayne? I hear the guy gets through a super-car every month! Replaces every one, just like that!”

*Cut to shot of the Batmobile flipping end-over-end after slamming into one of Bane’s APCs*

“Wayne? Please! The guy would probably have accidentally killed himself years ago if he didn’t have that butler to babysit him!”

*Cut to Alfred physically restraining Bruce from going out to fight Scarecrow while having a broken arm, a concussion, and the flu,*

“I bet he throws away cash like it grows on trees!”

*Cut to Batman shouting “Hey, Lucius! Ask R&D to make some kryptonite/Nth metal alloy baterangs! Y’know, just in case!”

“I’m almost jealous. Super rich and he gets to hang out with gorgeous women across the world? Sign me up!”

*Cut to Bruce being slammed face first into a wall repeatedly by Lady Shiva.*

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unpretty:

elvensemi:

unpretty:

Batman did not look up from the screens of the computer in the Batcave. “You didn’t say you were going to be in town,” he said, still typing.

“Oracle said you were out of state for work the last few days,” Nightwing said, leaning against the desk once he was close enough. As the desk was massive, this was still a significant distance from Batman. “You didn’t call me in.”

“She shouldn’t have mentioned it,” he said, still typing. Different windows were popping up onto different screens, databases and tables and terminal commands. “You have enough to worry about.”

“I can still cover a night shift or two.”

“It was handled.”

Nightwing made a sound both thoughtful and suspicious. “So,” he said, “someone stole the Batmobile.”

Batman paused. He turned his head just enough to see the Batmobile, parked exactly where he’d left it. He turned his head the other way, just enough to look at Nightwing for the first time. He’d started sitting on the desk, his toes only barely able to brush the ground.

“Not ours,” Nightwing clarified.

“Is there another one.”

“That Netflix show,” he said, and Batman did an almost-nod of acknowledgement before returning his attention back to whatever script he was running. “They had a big reveal of a new Batmobile this season, they auctioned off the old one for charity. I’m sure you heard about it.”

“What they do with their show isn’t my business,” Batman said.

“Uh-huh,” Nightwing said. “You really didn’t see any of this in the news? It’s been pretty nonstop since last night.”

“I was working.”

Nightwing put his hands on the edge of the desk, and kicked his feet upward to do a handstand apropos of nothing. “Too hard to see any news, all day.”

“I may have seen something about it,” Batman conceded.

“I’m sure you have theories about who did it.”

“It’s outside our jurisdiction.”

“Your business trip was in…” Nightwing asked, swinging off the table to stand.

“Jacksonville.”

“Did you pick that to help you get in character as Florida Man?”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“I want to know where you found a pink Batman costume in that size,” Nightwing continued.

“I didn’t.”

“The pictures are–I’m having them framed, I hope you know that.”

Batman’s mouth twitched.

“I’m so mad you didn’t call me,” Nightwing said, leaning against the desk again. “I know this place that sells rainbow Robin costumes with hotpants and a crop top–”

“Absolutely not.”

Kitty what the fuck, I knew you were writing this and that news article looked so real that I actually thought I was reading an article for about ten seconds

i comforted myself with the thought that in the future it will be a lot easier to make fake gotham gazette articles

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willietheplaidjacket:

deprofundisclamoadte:

deprofundisclamoadte:

wheres the fic where Clark Kent gets caught kissing Batman, and then gets hounded by the media every waking moment because “average civilian is dating Batman!!” and Clarks mourning the loss of his anonymity, meanwhile Bruce thinks its fucking hilarious, enjoy dealing w the press in both of your alter egos now, pretty boy, so Clark waits several months for the whole thing to die down before showing up as Superman to some party Bruce is attending and flying up to Bruce and going “paybacks a bitch” and just full on makes out with him in front of like a million reporters

#imagine all the criminals trying to kidnap batman’s boyfriend and clark’s struggle to look like a Normal Human Man#‘yes you have definitely stabbed me i am very stabbed right now’ (x)

Now here’s a Batman Vs Superman I’d pay to see.

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smallest-feeblest-boggart:

zaunites-finest:

passiveanimatronic:

ultimate-reserve-hope:

bejeweledaqua:

dracophile:

randomthingieshere:

pheenixwright:

invenblocker:

pheenixwright:

invenblocker:

pheenixwright:

invenblocker:

forthefuns:

follow forthefuns for more funny stuff

Your honor! Please direct your attention towards the manga.

As you can see there are small pieces of paper sticking out of every volume.

But no such paper is sticking out of the Batman comic.

The reason? The Batman book doesn’t belong to the library. The photographer put it there to take a picture.

Once again making hasty assumptions, Wright?

First of all, I’d like to direct the court’s attention to this particular spot, in the top right-hand corner.

Notice how the words are blocking the top of the Batman book.

With this in mind, how can you claim that there is “no such paper sticking out of the Batman comic”?!

Say whaaaat?

Well uhm

Look at the size of the paper pieces, they’re all sticking pretty far out.

If there was paper in the batman comic, it would be big enough to stick up over the text.

And while gravity does exist, it probably won’t make the paper do a 90 degree turn and just lean horisontally left at the middle.

Still grasping for straws, Wright?

Hypothetically, if there were a paper there, this picture would not be able to prove its presence. I’ve taken the liberty of drawing a diagram to illustrate my point. We are faced with three possibilities. It is possible that (1) the paper was simply tucked in deeper than the others.

Paper is a soft material, Wright. It’s not unreasonable for it to do a (2) 90 degree turn. 

Or perhaps, (3) a paper does not exist there at all. 

Either way, you cannot prove your client innocent without sufficient evidence.  

Which, of course, is impossible thanks to the obtrusive words.

I’m sorry Edgeworth.

I concede that I can’t disprove theory 1

But the image you submited for theory 2 is contradictory.

Look at the tilt of the other papers. They clearly prove how much the paper would tilt.

And theory 3 is my point! Why would the library’s book not have this piece of paper when the other library books do?

While you still have thory 1, there is another contradiction.

The books are not in alphabetical order, this proves that the batman comic was placed there specifically for the picture!

Ack.

(Perhaps I should’ve left the artistry to the forensic artist…)

Now hold it right there! It doesn’t matter which direction the paper is going because it’s impossible to prove it even exists!

Those theories are all the same! We do not have enough information to prove them. There could be an infinite amount of papers in there for all we know. I simply presented them only so that the court could better understand your baseless conjecture!

… I suppose the order of the books do seem out of the ordinary. However, therein lies not just one possibility. Clearly, those are Japanese graphic novels, also known as “manga”. And the Batman comic book is a graphic novel, too, no?

Seeing as it currently has only graphic novels in the shelf, it is possible that any other novels have simply not yet been restocked. Asserting whether or not this effect was deliberate is useless– there is no way of knowing if the photographer and the captioner are the same person, let alone their involvement in this picture.

Face it Wright, you can’t prove any of these groundless accusations!

Did everyone just ignore the library sticker?

D E AD

I will reblog this any time i see it on my dash

Absolutely fucking D E S T R O Y E D

This is the strongest Tumblr post I’ve ever witnessed.

i’ve seen this post a dozen times, it gets funnier every time

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eric-coldfire:

simon-newman:

kasaron:

recoil-operated:

enrique262:

russdom:

nightbringer24:

bantarleton:

scarydruidofvermont:

normanbates:

white man: i’m fascinated with history espe–
me: military history
white man: actually yes a–
me: world war two
white man: uh yea–
me: nazis

Me: I’m a fan of history espe-

You: military history

Me:actually yes a-

You: world war 2

Me: shit no, try the Mongolian empire you presumptuous asshat.

Me: I’m a fan of history espe-

You: military history

Me:actually yes a-

You: world war 2

Me: no, bayonetting militia, you fool.

On a serious note, we really need to kill the idea that people liking history IMMEDIATELY means they like the Nazis.

Me: I’m a fan of history espe-

You: military history

Me:actually yes a-

You: world war 2

Me: No you ignorant simpleton, Ancient Egyptian Chariot Battles.

Me: I’m a fan of history espe-

You: military history

Me: actually yes a-

You: world war 2

Me: no you fucking Sunni infidel, Iranian tactics and weapons during the Iran-iraq war.

Me: I’m a fan of history espe-

You: military history

Me: actually yes a-

You: world war two

Me: uh, yea-

You: Nazis

Me: actually American and alliance fighter aircraft and weapons.

I have a gun that killed Nazis though…

Me: I’m a fan of history espe-

You: military history

Me: no.

You: …

Me: I’m more interested in the development, implementation, and use of technology, including smithing, stonework, leatherwork, brazing, tinsmithing, coin-minting…

*45 minutes later*

and that whole thing about how apparently we can’t make fabric like we used to which I call insanely suspicious because we have an unbroken tradition in loomery between today and-

You: I will literally pay you money to stop talking. Please. Please for the love of god.

Me: Oh, sorry. Also, military history is cool. 

Me: I’m a fan of history espe-

You: military history

Me: actually yes a-

You: world war two

Me: No, you dishonorable coward! Everything before guns. Melee combat!

Me: I’m a fan of history, espe-

You: Military History.

Me: yes, actually…

You: World War Two.

Me: Yeah…

You: Nazis.

Me: Axis and Allies both created advancements in technological warfare that changed the world and are still used to this day or were just all around crazy. Like, Nazi Germany invented night vision goggles, revolutionized how army helmets were designed, and had amazing tanks.

You: Ha! I kne-

Me: And Japan used paper balloons to try to and fire bomb America, to which America replied by almost fire bombing Japan with live bats.

You: what….?

Me: Yeah, America almost beat Japan with not a Hydrogen Bomb, but with…

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filbypott:

thecelestialchild:

i-am-the-karkat-media-worldwide:

chaos-heim:

eric-coldfire:

lehrastar:

wetwareproblem:

hoku-san:

albawrites:

absentlyabbie:

wolvensnothere:

poppypicklesticks:

darkslover:

barnabasdeimos:

muchymozzarella:

twostriptechnicolor:

kane52630:

Baby-Doll
Batman: The Animated Series

This is one criminally underrated Batman villain.

SERIOUSLY THOUGH SHE WAS MY FAVORITE BATMAN VILLAIN

Her physical condition didn’t allow her to age

No one took her seriously as an actress

And even when she was trying to get into a happy romantic relationship (albeit with another villain) he still couldn’t take her seriously as a consenting, sexually active and romantically interested adult

That’s a lot of blows to someone’s psyche 

and Babydoll is both a sympathetic villain and a formidable one

I remember this episode fucked me up a a kid. 

And man, do I wish we could see this Batman again: the Batman that consoles his villains, because the majority (if not all) of them are mentally ill people. And Batman knows this and wants them healthy again, not punished and GOD definitely not dead.

Baby Doll is so underrated as a Batman villain 

but her episode was perfect 

Batman: The Animated Series

The story of one fucked up, traumatized little boy, doing his best to help other fucked up traumatized people.

#this show is the only batcanon that matters to me #dc can burn everything else down but they’ll never pry the dcau from cold dead clawed hands

The Batman that cares about the inmates is my favorite. He doesn’t put up with their shit, but he does try to reach out here and there and he’s as human as he can be to them.

When Harley was re-institutionalized, he got her that dress she wanted.

In the comics based on B:tAS, there was a time during Christmas that there was snow and it was Mr. Freeze’s fault, and he was making it snow because Christmas was his anniversary with Nora and she LOVED it when it snowed on Christmas, so Batman let him finish mourning before calmly taking him back to Arkham.

He never, ever gives up on Harvey possibly recovering.

Sure, Batman is going to throw punches and do what it takes to take these guys down when they’re hurting or threatening people. And he’s not going be a complete bleeding heart; he has to protect the innocent. He’s going to take them down and take them back to Arkham, but it doesn’t mean he’s incapable of being a bit human to the ones who deserve it.

Batman needs become human again

Because it needs to be here:

Remember that time a young girl with near god-like psychic powers threatened to destroy reality and the only one that could stop her was Batman because he had a previous encounter with her and was tasked with killing her to restore reality.

But instead, Batman sat with her on a swing and kept her company as the girl’s psychic powers slowly killed her.

No?

Fuck you people making me emotional

The. Batman.

This is MY Batman, not the murderous fascist they’ve made him into.