are you saying that engagement rings arenât just cool rocksÂ
They sloth is my favorite
STORY TIME!
Ok so when I was doing a security job on a college campus, the geology club on said campus was having their mineral and fossil sale (which is where the club gets the vast majority of its funds for the year). They had some really cool shit but their sales techniques were⊠uh, they were bad, just really terrible. They set up the tables, put all their stuff out, hung a sign up⊠and then sat there, occasionally mentioning quietly to one or two passersby âHey weâre having our mineral and fossil sale if you want any.â Very boring, overly factual, not very attention grabbing.
Now Iâm a fuckin nerd so Iâm all over this shit (the sale was literally a foot away from my security post so I wasnât even getting in trouble for spending literal hours ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the really cool stuff they had). And me being the type of nerd who must SHARE ALL THE THINGS when I find cool stuff (and who also has 18 years of customer service/retail experience to draw on), I start trying to get some of the literal hundreds of students walking by to get some of the cool things. The club only needed a couple hundred bucks and we were on the largest campus in the state so they should have been making their goal easy but almost no one was biting. So my âmust share the thingâ nerdiness teamed up with my âmust help all the peopleâ-ness and I did my best to pitch in and get them more sales.
Now, it was two days before valentines and a lot of the people walking by were dudes. So I start trying to get them interested with comments like âhey come check out the cool stuff you could get for your bae!â
One group of dudes paused but it didnât seem like they were gonna stop and get any of the cool things, so I go âNo, seriously, chicks dig this shit, you literally cannot go wrong here. Thereâs fossils and cute little carvings of manta rays and kitties, and literal gemstones here; that box is full of fucking EMERALDS that are 3 for $5. GET. SOME.â
They didnât believe me that the ladies would go nuts for âa bunch of shiny rocks.â So I decide to prove it to them. And in the most booming voice I can muster (and I can muster quite a bit after a decade of choir classes) and yell âTHEY HAVE SHINY ROCKS OVER HERE AND THEYâRE REALLY COOL!â
Literally instantly, three separate groups of ladies look straight at the tables and make a beeline for them, all of them saying some variation of âWait, did you say shiny rocks? WHERE?! WHAT KIND?! OMG!â Suddenly a dozen or so different gals (and several dudes), who seconds ago were only thinking about getting to class, stopped in their tracks to detour to the table full of shiny rocks. Only two left without buying at least one thing.
The dudes Iâd been talking to before were bewildered but convinced, so they start looking for the best shiny rocks they can get to give their SOs. Several of them came back a few days later to inform me that my seemingly ludicrous advice of âget them shiny rocksâ had gotten them laid or scored them a date.
So, remember kids, GET THE BAE A SHINY ROCK. That shit WORKS.
My BiL is a neurologist who has done a lot of sleep research and one of his favorite areas of study is circadian rhythms. He says that being a night owl is real, it is predicated on the genetic structure of the brain, it is not just âlaziness,â and it is not a disorder. He hypothesizes that its original evolutionary purpose was basically to produce night watchmenâpeople who can stay awake and alert at night to protect the domicile while the early birds sleep.
So weâre not lazy, night owls; weâre the fucking late shift lookouts. Gonna grab my torch and patrol the perimeter if anyone would like to join me.
WE ARE SENTINELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@thebibliosphere this made me think of that ADHD sleep cycle post. đ
I knew there was some sort of evolutionary reason for me being a relentless night owl shitposter.
