JESUS TEA
So it’s Flu Season again, and this recipe for Tea To Fix What Ails You was given to me by a Christian friend, and I’ve taken to calling it JESUS TEA due to it’s miraculous properties. Even though it, technically, contains no tea. This tea is as caffinie-free as anything processed in a US plant can get, but be sure to check the provenance and all ingredients in case of allergies.
You will Need:
- A Bigass Pot, becuase this is something you make in large quantities
- working stovetop
- those lil cloth sachets you use for wassail/empty teabags/those lil reuseable loose-leaf tea steepers.
Recipe:
- about a quart of water
- 1 cup apple cider
- about half a lemon’s worth of juice
- a shitwhack of honey- try to get as local as possible and generally the less-processed the better if you want to build a resistance to local allergens. If you have allergy concerns or don’t like the taste of honey, go ahead and use more processed stuff/another sweetener instead.
- three tablespoons/three bags chamomile tea
- three tablespoons/three bags rooibos tea
- teaspoon crushed cloves
- 1 cinnamon stick (more if you like it spicier)
- ¼ tsp nutmeg
- 1/8 tsp cayenne or white pepper
Bring water to a simmer in the pot. Add the chamomile, rooibos and spices to steep about 4-5 minutes or longer if you like tea-flavored tar which given you have the flu you probably do. Add Cider, Lemon Juice and Honey until dissolved. Drink all of this in the course of an hour to stay hydrated, make more pots as needed or until you pass out.
FOR MAXIMUM EFFECTIVENESS: gargle warm salt water first for as long as you can, it’ll break up the mucus in your throat and soothe the soreness.
This stuff is hecking delicious, and my dad claims it cured his cold. I’ve taken to drinking it just because it tastes good! Thank you for sharing! 😀 I also found that you can freeze this stuff in convenient single serving sizes, ready to be heated in the microwave when you don’t have enough spoons to make it fresh. Granted fresh is usually best for most food and drinks, but it’s still good.
I also calculated a single serving version, which I’m putting here in case anyone wants to make it that way:
- 1 cup hot water
- ¼ cup apple cider (or more, I prefer 1/3 cup)
- 1 tbsp honey (or more, to taste)
- a dash of lemon juice
- ½ tsp spice mixture
- 1 ½ tbsp tea mixture
Mix the spices together in one container, and mix the two kinds of tea together in another. Measure out of these the above amounts. (Don’t try to store the two things together, the spices will sink to the bottom and you won’t get the right measurements.)
Use a tea infuser/tea bag/cheesecloth/whatever to keep the herb bits from floating off into your drink. Steep for the usual 4-5 minutes, then add the cider, honey, and lemon.
Side note: ground cloves is cheaper for me so I use ½ tsp of
that instead of 1 of whole. I also like cinnamon a lot so I use ¼ tsp
ground cinnamon instead of a stick (also sticks are really expensive here). If you use a stick, break it into
little pieces. The downside of ground cinnamon is that it
kind of congeals if you don’t stir it periodically, so keep a spoon
handy as you drink.Since people have been asking for this (I guess the flu/common cold is going around agian), have it again, NOW WITH SINGLE SERVING SIZE, THANK YOU @snowfox102 for doing the math for me!
Is it possible to substitute the chamomile for something else?
Pretty much any herbal tea but mint will work? Rose hip’s good, or you can just double the rooibos. You can even put in black or green tea. I don’t becuase those both have caffiene and I want to be awake as little as possible when I’m sick.
What the absolute fuck is a shitwack of honey?
Once tea tarts cooling down* start adding honey.
Keep adding honey.
Your significant other or parents will notice and ask “Isn’t that enough honey?”
“No.” You rasp, throat raw. “I need the magic bug juice too heal me.”
“I think we should check your fever again.” they say.
“When I’m fucking done.” You rasp, sounding like gollum with a four-packs-a-day habit.
Eventually, there will be enough.that, is a “Shitwhack”
*boiling honey gets rid of 90% of it’s goodness, so let the tea cool down to drinking temp before adding honey.
Just here to remind you to get your flu shot. And tea is not a substitution for antivirals if you do get the flu.
You are completely right! Jesus Tea will only help soothe your suffering, not prevent infection. Also Influenza is hella dangerous and DOES kill people, so get vaccinated for your safety and the safety of your immunocompromised friends!
@gallusrostromegalus why no mint tea??
The menthol in mint tastes REALLY weird with the other ingredients, that’s all. Like drinking OJ after brushing your teeth.
Some other repeat questions:
-If you don’t hvae acess to Cider, regular Apple Juice works just fine, just check the nutritional information to make sure it’s the 100% DV vitamin C stuff, we want you you feel better ASAP. If you like OJ, that can work too.
-Honey is in here specifically for it’s antibacterial and allergy-reliveing properties, and fruit-based honey substitutes will NOT give you the same benefits.
-If you can’t do honey for whatever reason, sub in your favorite non-sugar sweetener because Sugar/fructose/sucrose/agave will mess with the ability fo your throat cells to retain/release water and make your throat feel WAAAAAAY worse. Aspartame, Saccharin and Stevia won’t aggravate you throat much.
-If you can’t have chamomile, pretty much any Herbal Tea or Tisane will work, as will green tea. The exception is anything that contains St. John’s Wort, which interacts dangerously with pseudoephedrine andacetaminophen, whic are in basically every cold medication available without a perscription in the US.
-If you don’t want roobois, any dark and spicy kind of tea will work- rose hip, most black teas, etc.
-I tend to reccomend against anythign that has caffine becuase being concious with the flu is awful and you need to sleep as much as possible.
-If you don’t like any of the spices, feel free to sub them for something else! The point of those is to add a bit of heat/pepperiness to the tea to help unclog sinuses. If you’re a heat fiend like some of my friends, you can put sriracha in there if you want.
-THE SALT RINSE BEFOREHAND IS KEY. gargling with lukewarm saltwater or using a saline rinse will flush out congestion and help the Jesus Tea work it’s magic more effectively.
To Reiterate: Jesus Tea will only make you feel slightly less miserable and it not a substitute for medical care. Get vaccinated early and often, and if you develop a high fever or other medically worrisome symptoms, get to a healthcare professional ASAP.