According to Know Your Meme, on August 18th, 2005, Erwin Beekveld brought forth this work into the world. HAPPY TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY, THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD.
sheds a single tear
every august 18th my notifications break and i go, fuck, tumblr has failed me once again, but it hasn’t. it hasn’t failed me. it’s just the taking the hobbits to isengard-iversary. happy 12 years
THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS
Tag: LotR
also consider: LOTR but hobbits have Tapeta Lucidum
Boromir gets the fright of his life their first night on the road
Boromir: *glances over his shoulder* ??!!!!???!!
Hobbits:
Hobbits: what
i will never get over that you used an image of raccoons for this purpose because it is incredibly accurate
LOTR au but instead of hobbits literally raccoons
Gandalf: well this raccoon found the ring and has been carrying it around. unfortunately we can’t take it off him or he gets very bite-y. so I figure, the raccoon is the ringbearer now
Elrond: what are those other three raccoons doing here
Gandalf: he brought his buddies. I call this one ‘Merry’
TRASH PANDA HOBBITS
@auraboo THE LEGACY OF FATTY MCFAT LIVES ON
Aragorn: *watching Frodo & Sam scamper off in the direction of Mordor* our hopes lie with those raccoons now
Legolas: do they… know where they are going
Aragorn: I sure hope so
Faramir: father why is this raccoon in the livery of the citadel
Denethor: haha doesn’t he look precious
Elfhelm: Dernhelm, is that a raccoon in your bag?
Dernhelm: *sweating nervously* Uh no, sir.
Eowyn, later: And I said no, you know, like a liar.
Denethor: WHY did you let a raccoon go off with the Ring??
Faramir: ….it just seemed like the right thing to do
Gandalf: he scratched you up real good huh
Faramir: ……………gouged my FUCKING arm and bit me on my face
Witch King: no living man can kill me – AUGH FUCK, RACCOON, RACCOON ON MY LEG ARGHHHH
Eowyn: *stab*
Wraiths break into the room at the prancing pony: *UnHoLy ScReEcHiNg*
Trash Panda Hobbits:
Wraiths: Oh, what the fuck, whAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
Treebeard: Baroom, humm, where are my small, impatient friends?
Merry and Pippin:
Don’t go where I can’t follow, Mr. Frodo.
~~~~~~The Hobbit interlude~~~~~~
Thorin:
You’re the burgular.Go on and…burgle something!
Bilbo:Saruman: Well since some fucking TREES took over Isengard I guess I’ll take over The Shire.
Farmer Maggot and ever other Halfling down to the Sacksville-Bagginses:
every time I see the words “Tolkien ripoff” in reference to fantasy I laugh, because while there’s a lot of Tolkien ripoff in worldbuilding it almost never crops up in plot or theme or characterization
like
where are my stories about the decay of the world from the glory of days gone by?
where’s the motif of limb loss?
where’s the longing for the return of something worth following?
where are the bloodthirsty oaths that tear sanity to shreds?
where are the evil spirits who try and destroy the gods with steampunk V-1 buzz bombs (looking at you, The Lost Road)?
where’s my continent-wide dialectical shift ending in massive arguments over the proper pronunciation of a name? where’s my family drama centered around sparkly rocks? where are my dragons the size of mountain ranges?
Tolkienesque Fantasy™: there’s a quest, the elves are bitchy, the dwarves drink a lot, farm boy hero.
Tolkien’s Actual Writing: absolute power corrupts absolutely, a little bit of power corrupts a little, to what extent are people responsible for their actions? does God/the gods really answer our prayers? and pacifistic undertones.
Also:
- complex but ultimately unanswered questions on the nature of free will
- reflections on the immorality of using evil means for a good end
- a deep appreciation and affection, without condescension, for the ignorant and self-indulgent but generous and resilient hobbit society
- antagonistic or morally weak characters portrayed as corrupt but profoundly pitiable and given mercy (Denethor, Gollum, Wormtongue, Isildur–also, at certain points, Boromir and Theoden)
- a noblewoman who struggles with suicidal tendencies due to feeling misplaced in society, yet who is highly esteemed by her people and finds happiness by rejecting violence and accepting that her infatuation with another character was misplaced
- no sexual violence (except that Wormtongue is implied to have lusted after Eowyn)
- using a deus ex machina so skilfully and rarely that it enhances the story rather than injuring it
- the fact that the hero has spiritual wounds that are explicitly stated will never heal, and he must abandon his best friend to go on to a different land
- the Ring as emblematic of addiction in certain ways (I owe this observation to Tom Shippey)–one can even see that Bilbo never fully recovers, he still feels the allure of the Ring
- a very much downplayed romance between a main character and a minor character that is really only explicitly mentioned in two or three passages outside of the Appendix, if I recall correctly
- the Appendices which have detailed family trees and explanations of the Hobbit calender, among other delightful things
By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand! Men of the West!