The other day I went to McDonald’s with my family and the guy who took my order was really loud and was basically like “HAPPY HOLIDAYS WHAT CAN I GET YOU” and I was like wow I can’t let this guy outmatch me so I yelled “I’LL TAKE A HAPPY MEAL WITH THE NUG NUGS IF I MAY” you know, like a natural well-adjusted epitome of adulthood 19 year old and he was like “CERTAINLY WOULD YOU LIKE THE MIGHTY KIDS MEAL INSTEAD WITH EXTRA FRIES” and I was so sleep deprived I essentially blacked out and apparently leaned over the counter like I was robbing the place, raised my eyebrow like a suave robin hood and said “HECK YES I WOULD GOOD SIR” and then I sat down and he yelled from across the store “WOULD YOU LIKE THE PURPLE OR BLUE SPIDER-MAN” and since purple is the more superior color that’s how I answered and long story short my parents think college changed me and that I’m now the poster child for being social and I’ve only been asked once why I’m not in a relationship yet but I know it’s gonna be brought up again and how do i tell my parents it’s because whenever I eat in the dining hall I spend the entire time playing bumper cars with the wheeley chairs and all I eat is pixie sticks and the last time I was in the library (where I’m supposed to work next semester, deAr GoD) I ripped my leggings in the bathroom pulling up my pants and I walked the entire 20 mins back to my dorm with my neon underwear peeking out from the holes like a 17th century harlot with a cocaine addiction and I’ve essentially been living off jars of peanut butter and the soundtrack to the bee movie for the past year
this thing went on so many different directions I feel like I’m high
interesting observation, tati
Do u want to see what I’m currently making in my laboratory bedroom?
yes, please
Step one of making my dinner: I gather my materials everyone knows u can’t make something out of nothing so u gotta do the thing, pull up your pants, and get your starting items
Here I have lemonade made from real lemons. This is vital because fake lemons (Also known as apples and oranges) throw off the concoction and render ur potion useless. I also have cocaine (the flavored kind)
Step two: do the thing with the other thing to make the better thing my sources tell me this is how u cook
In this case I poured 7 cocaines into my starter nectar
Step three: wiggle wiggle wiggle i do the shake
It fizzes. Chemicals do the chemical thing. Bubbles happen.
Step 4: bask in ur child’s freshly born glow
I have done it, mother. I have darkened the light yellow solution with my magic and I have come out stronger
I have prepared:
Dinner
That would literally kill you but okay.
It didn’t.
DO NOT LET MY GIRLFRIEND SEE THIS. THEY ALREADY SNORT SUGAR AND PIXIE STIX AND I KEEP TELLING THEM TO STOP. THEY WOULD DO THIS IN A HEART BEAT.
But on another note, coolio Tasha. You’re an alchemists now! Or possibly a witch… or both…
