But seriously, over half of the things on that list we actively DID NOT WANT in our house search. We LIKE older homes, we WANT actual rooms and hate the modern open floor plans, we LIKE older neighborhoods with trees, and leaves, and frankly, our home is more efficient because of rooms. If we heat our kitchen up in the summer, it’s separated from the main living area by WALLS. Also, there was absolutely no mention in that rash-inducing article of what quality of materials you get buying an older home. We have oak hardwood floors on both floors that just needed some TLC. Our neighborhood has brick homes (not just the decorative brick on the street side of the property for that “look”). To get that kind of material in a modern home, you’re paying well over 3x what we did for a home of similar size (granted, we got a home that needed some cosmetic work, so I lucked into a pretty good deal for this 3 bed/3 bath, 2000sq ft place). Also! Because we live in an established neighborhood, we’re 10 minutes away from downtown where we both work, rather than a 40 minute commute from the new ‘burbs.
I FUCKIGN HATE OPEN FLOOR PLANS I HATE THEM SO GODDAMNED MUCH HATES THEM PREIOUS
Last year my parents almost couldn’t sell their AWESOME older (not THAT old) house because all these new money tech bro families had it in their head that they NEEDED an open floor plan. When my dad asked “Why?” The answers were mainly “Because that’s what’s ‘in’ right now.”
They ended up having to sell for $90,000 under asking price, just because it was built in the early 80’s, and nobody back then planned on bad home planning being what idiots wanted in the 2010’s.
I’m waiting for the granite countertops trend to die away too, because I bet you a LOT of $$$ that twenty to thirty years from now people will think it looks “dated” and you’ll see all these guides on how to rip out granite countertops or paint over them or something, and I intend to laugh forever.
I’m the real estate agent that sells obviously haunted houses to nice white families that want to get away from it all.
I would like to give you my business. I’m tryin to die penniless and leave nothing but a found footage film to my kids in the will
Then oh boy, do I have the forest cottage for you! Far from anyone that could help you, it has a gorgeous view of a lake where dozens of people have gone missing. There’s a rumor of a killer that raises from the water, but this place has an excellent porch
Is there a small, dark washing room in the basement corner that’s at least ten degrees colder than the rest of the house? That’s a must.
Yes. And there’s a latch window that always seems to swing open in the middle of the night.
Wonderful! I especially love how cell receptionist patchy at best, making any attempted outgoing call to the police as dramatic as possible.
I think you’ll also love how it’ll immediately become pitch black as soon as the clock strikes 5:00 pm no matter the time of year. There’s also no stars for some reason.
Did the previous owner leave any religious iconography that could slowly appear to distort and corrupt over time, or will I need to furnish that myself?
Let’s just say I definitely didn’t put these area rugs here myself to cover a few ornate symbols drawn in blood 😇
You’ve got a sale!
This post deserves so many more notes. I could not breathe the other day trying to read this out loud to my mom it was so fucking funny
