You know every show that the premise is like “people find out ghosts/monsters/demons are real and are charged with stopping them” appeal to me way more now as a post-graduate not because I believe in ghosts more or whatever but because can you IMAGINE just being handed a job that you don’t even need to apply for? Like just being told “basically there’s this bad thing and all you do is make sure it doesn’t do what it wants” that’s just customer service baby and I worked that for 6 goddamn years! Just TRY getting past “I have a job to offer you” before I can jump down your throat agreeing.
some idiot with a dumb ghost-hunting name who joined the Cause because they love the paranormal: oh fuck oh shit this is really scary guys I’m having second thoughts
me, who knows that if we run away I have to apply to like, a real actual Jobbe again: wakey wakey demons it’s this or retail so guess who’s got nothing to lose
“Thank you for calling, how may I help you today?”
“I’d like to send flowers to Springfield.”
“Unfortunately, we are unable to deliver to Springfield today. Our Troy location is without power due to damage from Monday night’s tornado.”
“Well, it’s not going to Troy. It’s going to Springfield.”
“Our Troy location is the closest one we have to Springfield, and on a normal day, they would be the ones to take it. But because of that location being out of power, we would be unable to deliver it to Springfield.”
“It’s not going to Troy!”
“I understand that, ma’am. But the closest shop we have to Springfield is in Columbus.”
“Why can’t you just deliver the flowers from Columbus, then?”
“An hour’s drive is too far for our drivers. I hate to send you somewhere else, but we don’t have the option to deliver to Springfield.”
“Wait, why not?”
“Because our Troy location, which is closest to you, is unable to make deliveries today- due to the fact that they are without power, or a roof.”
i hate when customers at work hand me a 100 dollar bill and then scoff when i check the watermark. like, lady, i will break out the counterfeit pen. i’ll draw your god damn portrait over benjamin franklin’s before i make a ruling. i’ll get a second opinion from a coworker on the opposite side of the store. i’ll call the mint like, “heyy…it’s daniel…you guys print any hundreds lately? i got a lady here with a hundred, just making sure it’s one of yours…haha cool just checking. so how are the wife and kids?” the people that make a fuss are always like, obviously rich too and you know that’s why they have a problem. like the nerve of me to doubt a rich person’s money. how dare i lump them in with a normal person with a hundred dollar bill. eventually one of them is going to let it slip. i’ll take the bill from them and go to hold it up to the light or feel it between my fingers or something and they’ll laugh and go, “oh, no, no no no i’m wealthy.”
i had a co-worker catch a counterfeiter. back then we all had “truth teller” pens. and the rule was “anything over a ten gets checked if you’re not comfortable with it” but not everyone did it. but this girl was hard core about her pen. especially if she got a bad feeling from a customer. girlfriend had TWO truth teller pens in case one gave a false positive.
this couple come through her line with a lot of stuff and they acting like they are in a hurry. this was the wrong thing to say to this girl. you say that to her and she goes slower cause it freaks her out.
she finally gets to the end and the guy hands her a bunch of 20′s. first she straightened them out and counted them, and then she took her pen out. when i used it i made a little flower so that i would know that i did it. she made a swirly. the first swirly came back black, the second swirly came back black. she got out the SECOND truth teller pen and scribbled a like down the center of the bills…. black as coal.
she was freaking out. dude look like he was intense. she very politely asked if he had another form of payment as she would not be able to accept his money. “WHY NOT?!”
*gulp*
“cause it’s not real, sir.”
“MONEY IS FUCKING REAL! YOU BETTER GET MANAGEMENT OVER HERE! MY MONEY IS AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE!!”
she very quickly walked over to the phone and paged, and her voice, was so tinged with panic that everyone, even CUSTOMERS stopped dead in their tracks and listened to the page.
you’d never seen a page answered so quickly. it was prolly ringing before she put the phone back on the receiver. “what’s wrong? what’s going on? are you in danger? are you okay?”
and she told them that no, she wasn’t okay,, her customer was screaming and cursing at her and his money wasn’t real and she had no idea what to do now, this wasn’t covered in the CBL’s!
this got manangement on their feet. “stay call, take a deep breath, we’ll be there in 5 seconds with back up. it’s going to be okay. just breathe.”
which is easier said than done with a man that weighs 150 lbs more than you is screaming his ever loving head off. even the retiree door greeter came over and stood by her just as a show of solidarity, she couldn’t really have done anything, but she was a witness, and sometimes that’s enough to get people to back down.
it must have felt like a hour later, but it was about 2-3 minutes before the store managers came walking down the aisle with the popo trailing behind them. the cops were soooooo happy to see him.
one member of management took over the register as the other led the cashier off to sit and collect herself, while the cops talked to the guy and eventually arrested both the guy and the girl. (apparently they’d been looking for them)
management was so fucking happy that she caught him because he had like 300 dollars in funny money and she caught him dead to rights. they calmed her down, thanked her profusely, gave her the rest of the day off with pay, and called her bf or mother or someone to get her home, because she was shaking like a leaf and they didn’t want to her to get hurt on her way home.
So yes, i will use my pen when i have too. i’ll hold them fuckers up to the light to make sure that the right pressie is in the corner pocket.
don’t fuck with the money honey it just don’t pay.
When I was a manager for a large craft store chain, I had a customer pay with a $100 bill. One of those new ones, the blue ones that look more like they belong in a game of Monopoly than in your wallet, and there was something… Off… About it.
The watermark of Ben Franklin on the bill looked like the shittiest line art of a man you’d ever seen. It was horrendous. But it passed my marker test, so I had to give the guy his change and with a smug grin and $50 worth of Copic markers, he left.
I thought about it all night and into the next day, when the local weed dealer came in to buy his baggies. See, jewelry baggies are cheaper than ziplocks despite being the same fucking thing, and I was the only one who would treat the guy like a normal fuckin dude, so as we were chatting as I rang him out, I sighed and said, “I got a counterfeit hundo the other day.” And I told him about what I’d gone through. I told him what the guy looked like, what he bought, how he acted in line. And when I was handing him his receipt, I said, “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, man, but just watch out for any suspect looking Benjamins over the next few weeks.” I gave him one of the counterfeit markers and told him that they wouldn’t do any good, but he could have one anyway.
I guess I just wanted to tell someone about it, because I stopped thinking about it after that.
Until the day I got a call from the pot dealer about a month later. He was furious. Someone had ripped him off in over $250 of weed, and they’d done it with–yup–fake Benjamins. He gave me the guy’s name, his description, everything. And then, at the very end, he added, “I’m luring him downtown for a drug deal. Call the fucking cops.”
So I did.
The cops swooped in and grabbed the guy, and not only did they find my Copic markers that he’d bought from the store, he found similar high ticket items from other stores in the area. The cops came back, returned me my markers, and asked how I knew to tip them off.
I told them it was a lucky guess.
And that’s how a drug dealer and a junior store manager bagged a counterfeiter.
wish customer service jobs operated w video game standards, so a customer would come up to me and i’d say “greetings traveler! looking to trade?” and they’d only had 4 options for their response
i’d just stand there wiping down the same part of the counter for 8 hours until my shift ended and then id drop everything and walk away and if you tried to interact with me i’d just keep running into you silently until you moved
we closed 15 minutes ago and this one customer is still shopping and giving us attitude
closed 20 minutes ago and this bitch still has her cart. my manager is getting pissed. 👀
manager changed the announcement from “The store is closed and the registers will be shutting down shortly. Please proceed to the front.” to “The store is closed and registers have shut down. Please exit the building.”
The customer scoffed. I’m about to go fucking feral.
final update bc i just got out: manager actually fucking did it and shut down all the registers. customer got up front and freaked out with the cart. “What am I supposed to do with this!?” the customer shouts. my manager smiles and takes the cart. “don’t worry,” she says “we’ll put it back for you.”
customer stormed out and tried to get the last word in by shouting “you just lost a paying customer!” like….no….because the store is closed…
people really think they be that entitled to shit huh?
“Does the decaf coffee have caffeine?” What the fuck do you think!
“Can I get a bacon sandwich”
“Which one sir? We have three of them”
“The one with the bacon on it”
Hi my name is Customer McDumbass and I ordered six frappaccinos, all different, during a rush right before my flight is supposed to board and I’m mad my drinks aren’t done yet!
Um. Decaf has caffeine. Chemically decaffeinated somewhat less so than Swiss water process decaf, but it still has enough to fuck with particularly sensitive people.
I mentioned this in the replies but the customer asked because they wanted the coffee with the MOST caffeine and thought decaf was that. It was genuinely stupid I promise
Me: “I have a small cappuccino for Caitlin!”
Customer: “What? But I ordered a large Americano!”
Me: “What’s your name?”
Customer: “Laurie”
I have customers walk away with the wrong drink so often because of that constantly. Like ma’am, you ordered a large frap. Does this medium hot cup really seem like it’s the right beverage for you???????
“And WHY exactly can’t I use my coupon?”
“…because your coupon is for a regular priced item, and your item is on sale.”
“Well, how was I supposed to KNOW it was on sale?”
“Well, ma’am, there was a sign right above it on the shelf–”
“I came in here to SHOP, not to READ.”
Dude I have people with bones coming out of their body asking me if I think it’s an emergency and if they should go to the hospital or wait till it gets better. Like humans are just plain stupid
WHY CANT I USE MY COUPON TWICE???
“Where are my vouchers? I was told I would get them!”
“No sir, you took out business with us two months before the voucher offer started.”
“So I’m going to get my vouchers?”
“No sir, because you started business with us before the offer began.”
“I want my vouchers!”
“You aren’t eligible for any voucher sir.”
“This is ridiculous! I was told I would get vouchers.”
“Actually sir we’ve listened to all the calls, and no one mentioned the vouchers to you.”
“…So when will I get my vouchers?”
B o I
Reblogging for the comic
That “grabbing the obviously wrong drink” thing pissed me off so much when I was a barista. It really made me lose faith in humanity’s intelligence.
Yesterday a woman who ordered a mocha grabbed someone else’s chai, despite names being announced and written on cups, drank half of it, then returned it and yelled at me because it wasn’t her drink. Customers really are that stupid
“That customer who ordered after me got her food first!”
Yes sir, she ordered an untoasted bagel with cream cheese and lettuce. You ordered six pancakes and four omelettes.
