gallusrostromegalus:

Well, Jesus Tea* is basically Soothing Decaf Teas+Mild Spice+Vitamin-C Rich Juice+So Much Honey**.

…since concrete objects don’t have opposites per se,I’m kind of free-associating, so it comes out to something like:

Hypercaffinated Coffee+EXTREME SPICY, JUST POUR HALF A BOTTLE OF SRIRACHA IN THERE, MAYBE GRIND UP A COUPLE HABENEROS+Gin***+ just a hint some kind of artifical sweetner that may or may not cause cancer.  

Which sounds like something colleage students would come up with as a hangover cure/study aid/other kind of unnatural life-aid, so it really does seem somewhat faustian so I’ll call it SATAN’S LATTE.  I see from your description that you’re a programmer so lemme take a moment to do a safety psa and say DO NOT DO THIS AT ALL EVER.  DON’T DO IT AT HOME. DON’T GO OVER TO A FRIEND’S HOUSE. DO NOT. 

*Jesus Tea is not actually affiliated with any religion, it’s named that because it’s easy to google when you’ve got only two brain cells left from being sick.

** Jesus Tea is pleasant but innefective unless you gargle with salt water to break up the mucus in your throat/sinuses first.

*** IDK what the opposite of fruit juice is, but Gin and Juice was a favorite drink of my grandmother’s so I kind of opposite-pair the two.  Also juice is nice and Gin smells like drain cleaner so flavor wise they’re probably opposites.