Practising all day and then waking up with a split lip
Playing piano
Being the only girl in the section
Rowdy 12 year old boys trying to take over the trumpet section
Being totally undermined by the rest of the orchestra while knowing that you’re secretly the best you just don’t want everyone else to get jealous
Anything above a top C
Forgetting your mute
Being the only one to remember a mute
Being section leader/principal and trying (and failing) to control your section
Chromatic scales
Counting anything over 4 bars of rests and drifting off because you have a terrible attention span
People calling your baritone a tuba
People calling your instrument a different brass instrument
Not being able to use vaseline. Ever.
Having that one responsible prick in the section and not having any fun
Being that one responsible prick in the section and controlling the fun
People laughing when you say your instrument is called a cornet and asking where the ice cream is
Woodwind problems
1. Reeds 2. Reeds 3. Reeds 4. Reeds 5. Reeds 6. Reeds 7. Reeds 8. Reeds 9. Reeds 10. Reeds 11. Someone calling your bassoon an oboe. 12. Having to deal with brass players. 13. Fingerings. 14. Reeds.
There are so many of you it doesn’t even matter if you’re there or not haha
Fighting to the death for front desk and not even getting a solo
Anything above 5th position (3rd for violas)
Getting stabbed in the eye by a bow
Tchaikovsky vibrato
Slipping pegs
Wtf is a viola?
YOU CAN NEVER HAVE FINGERNAILS THEY MUST BE DESTROYED
Second violins
Everyone trying to find that high note out loud before your entry
Ominous rattling string/instrument
Sweaty hands sliding right off the end of the fingerboard
I could go on….
More strings:
-Getting new strings and having to retune every 2 minutes
-New strings are soooo expensive and you’re meant to change them like 3 times a year (seriously I just bought a new set for over £80)
-When you get your bow rehaired and have to use your less good spare bow for like a week
-If you wear foundation and play violin or viola expect the foundation to end up all over your chin rest
-Taking cellos and basses on public transport
-Trying to find a good instrument and having little idea of where to start and what to expect in your budget
-With any string instrument case: “is that a guitar?”
-Rosin stains on your black concert clothes
-(for viola) When composers don’t understand how alto clef works so you either get stuff easily within your range or huge awkward shifts etc.
-(also for viola and possibly cello and bass) When composers think that shifting clef so the next notes look around the same area as the last ones on the stave means it’s fine because it doesn’t look like a huge shift when, in fact, it is (I’m looking at you @ottorinorespighi-official *ahem*Pines of Rome mvt 4*ahem*
like it or not that’s a huge shift from 1st to 6th position in nearly no time)
-When composers change clefs like every 2 bars (again, I’m looking at you @ottorinorespighi-official *ahem*Fountains of Rome mvt 3*ahem*
just why)
-Knowing there’s a definite possibility that the instrument in the back of your car is probably worth more than the car itself (definitely in my case anyway)
Alright y’all I’m gonna add to this
That ring you get on your mouth after you play for a long time
Double tonguing
Triple tonguing
Breath control (especially hard on brass and as a woodwind also, I can say that)
Misplacing your mouthpiece
Not having the right mutes (there are so many and they’re so expensive)
Valve oil – ew.
Slide grease – more ew
Accidentally getting dribble down your leg when you empty your water key
The whole cleaning process
Having a valve fall out and trying to put it in the right way round so it doesn’t sound like an elephant with its thunk tied up
Leaps of over an octave
Trying to pitch low notes well
Being complained at by your family whenever you practise
Being heard by the whole Street when you practise (I had a friend who lived on the same road as another horn player and they would have volume competitions from opposite ends of the road)
People not knowing the difference between a cornet, a trumpet and a flugelhorn
“French horns are French right??”
The slide trumpet vs piccolo trombone argument – they are literally the same thing
Being terrified of denting your new, expensive instrument
Smashing the bell in 😫
Having the biggest freaking music book in the world – arban cornet method literally ways a ton
CARNIVAL OF FREAKING VENICE
Hitting your trombone slide on the people in front of you, or the floor
Having too short arms to reach 7th position
Running out of lip half way through a rehearsal
When introducing your self as a trumpet player and people saying “Oh I’d never have guessed you played trumpet” because you’re neither a boy or an egotistical fuckhead
Living up to your instrument stereotype without realising
Being a girl and playing on your period
Literally not being allowed to play another brass instrument because it’ll ‘mess up your embouchure’ and being banned from touching other instruments by your teacher
Not sounding good until you’ve been playing for atleast 3-4 years (grade 5 for those if us in the UK)
Not having a wide enough range, every note above a C/Bb is a huge challenge to even get to the next semitone
Everyone assuming you like jazz because you play a jazzy instrument (I hate jazz)
Adding some more high brass/valved brass (sorry bones) issues
Mutes fucking with your intonation
Getting a slide STUCK so you can’t tune
Whacking yourself in the mouth with a solid chunk of metal
Having to fork out at least £2000 for various trumpets (most instruments are generally more expensive but pro trumpet players often have to have about 5/6 different trumpets)
Sitting in front a of a cimbasso (cimbassos are LOUD)
Eyebrows (also applies to woodwind players)
Spending hours in the bathroom giving your instrument a bath
Circular breathing, or at least trying to circular breathe
Not having enough time for a mute change
Having a big slurred leap and accidentally ripping up to it like you’re the jazziest motherfucker alive
Overshooting a high note
Undershooting a high note
Ugh just the upper register in general
clarinet problems:
reeds™
yay our instruments are “only” £2.500 (US$3.200) but wait we have to buy at least 2 to be useful
speaking of which: composers who think it takes 2 seconds to switch instruments
also: composers who don’t realise we buy A clarinets for a reason and give us 7 sharps on Bb instead of 2 sharps on A
I’m A Modernist Composer And You Can Gliss Along The Whole Instrument Right
“can you play rhapsody in blue”
concerto repertoire: MOZART!!!!!! weber. ᵒᵗʰᵉʳˢ
I’m Another Modernist Composer And What’s Wrong With C7 At Pianissimo
sitting in front of trumpets (i just did mahler 2, aladdin suite and festive overture. i’m deaf)
I’m Ginastera And I’ll Just Casually Have You Gliss To A Note That Doesn’t Exist On The Clarinet
“this month we’ll be working on a baroque piece called-” ok cool i’m unemployed
joining pit bands for musicals and being expected to play Bb clarinet A clarinet Eb clarinet C clarinet alto clarinet bass clarinet alto sax tenor sax soprano sax oboe cor anglais flute piccolo bassoon contrabassoon and cinderella
fun fact all instruments squeak but you only notice it on clarinets because clarinets squeak on the 3rd harmonic instead of the 2nd
speaking of which: clarinet physics. why can we not have the whole harmonic series. give us the even numbered harmonics i swear to Göd
