I hate this society that convinced me that I always have to be doing something productive. Even in my “downtime” I’m always trying to figure out what leisurely activity I need to accomplish. What show I need to finish, what YouTube video I need to watch, art I need to work on, my guitar I need to practice. I never do anything to actually relax it’s more like “I’ve been stressed so I need to do this” I don’t know when I’m gonna start doing what I want in the moment again but it’s been so long since I have. There’s just so much I feel like I need to do
My child is autistic. He doesn’t do well with change. Even little things that would be meaningless to most people.
For example, his hairbrush was getting old and worn. He had chewed the end of it. The cats had chewed some bristles. It was dirty and dusty. But I didn’t say anything. Because it’s his hairbrush.
Finally, he said he thinks it’s time for a new brush. Ok, I say, we’ll put it on the shopping list, and get one next time we’re in town.
So we go to town and we go to the store. There are many hairbrushes to choose from. He picks one and they even have it in his favorite color. We buy it, take it home, and remove the packaging.
I go to put it on the shelf where the old hairbrush is. Can we throw out the old one, I ask.
That’s when he stops. That’s when he freezes and gets a momentary look of panic on his face. Throw out the old one? That hadn’t occurred to him.
Because here’s the thing. Hair brushing is a part of his morning routine. And not just hair brushing, but hair brushing with that particular brush. To most people, the act of hair brushing is the routine, but not the brush itself. The objects are interchangeable. But not to my child. Not to someone with autism. The brush itself is just as important as the act of brushing.
So I take a breath. I put the old brush down. Think about it, I say. Let me know tomorrow what you want to do with this brush.
He decides. He realizes keeping an old hairbrush is not necessary. But it’s still important to him. So he asks if I can cut off one bristle. To keep. As a memory of the old hairbrush.
I don’t laugh. I don’t tell him it’s silly. I respect his need. I cut off the bristle. He puts it in his treasure box, along side some smooth rocks, beads, sparkly decals, a Santa Claus charm from a classmate, a few other things meaningful to him.
He throws the old hairbrush away himself. He is able to move on, and accept the change.
This is a great way to help an autistic person move on properly, instead of forcing them to get rid of it you let them use their own method and left them feeling safe. Congrats fam👏👏
For me hyper empathy is also part of this and I have to like, grieve for things like this. And approaching it that way, as grief, as legitimate bereavement instead of pushing myself to treat it the way NT’s in my life had taught me (dismissive, mockery, “it’s just a hairbrush wtf why are you like this”) has really helped in these kinds of situations.
I don’t laugh. I don’t tell him it’s silly. I respect his need.
I wish I’d had this kind of understanding and safety in my childhood. It teaches you how to be safe and understanding to yourself.
I’ve held on to shoes and toothbrushes for an insane amount of years because “why would I get rid of them, they still serve purpose”. And the absolute worst thing that could happen to me is breaking routine, or something doesn’t go according to plan and throws my whole daily scheduled out of sync.
•"hey, y’see the red thing at the top of the shelf, will you get it?“ “Sorry, what?” “On the sh-” “oh yeah sure, I’ll get it.”
•*doesn’t hear teacher because someone’s pen is making a scratchy sound at the back of the room*
•*replays video 10 ten times to figure out what they’re saying*
•teachers asking, “why do you always stop writing in the middle of a sentence, just write down whatever I’m saying,” followed by the response, “I’m just processing it,” rebuked by, “we’ll stop processing it and just write.”
•*gets really focused on staring out the window and goes through four songs without hearing a single on*
someone is whispering to their friends in the library, you don’t even know who this person is but you know their major, what state they grew up in, and their hobbies during high school. you just wanted to find a quiet spot to do your chemistry homework.
wanting to chime in on other people’s conversations all the time, but don’t, because you’re not suppose to be “listening” to them.
being the only person in the house that can hear that awful buzzing sound certain electronics make
hiding in your room because everything is too loud.
motorcycles were invented by satan
being told that you have dog-like hearing by friends and family
being yelled at for “not listening” by friends and family.
God. God. God. God.
This entire post is so fucking relatable it hurts
“You just need to learn to tune it out.”
Forgetting how to think because ambient noise is drowning out your internal monologue.
“No, I don’t need the volume up, I’d just really like to put on subtitles. No, I don’t need to move closer, I just…”
Leaving the room whenever someone starts talking on the phone.
Pausing your video whenever someone starts talking but trying really really hard not to seem passive aggressive about it.
Struggling to explain why this one sound is the most horrible thing in the world while other very similar sounds are fine.
you’re trying to listen to what some very important person is trying to say, but you can only focus on the conversations of the ppl around you
sitting in a restaurant and thinking the people sitting next to you are being SO loud because you can hear everything they’re saying, but when you mention it you get weird looks so obviously you’re just overreacting.
not being able to handle the little keyboard sounds as your mom types a text from across the room, but when you ask your mom (who is a quadruple texter) to put her phone on silent you get a murderous look, like you’ve asked her to kill her cat.
turning on ambient noises and trying to relax, only to end up turning it off because it’s not actually helping you fall asleep.
“the speakers are making this high pitched noise”
“what the hell are you talking about?”
“THE SPEAKERS ARE PRACTICALLY SCREAMING HOW DO YOU NOT HEAR THAT??”
“Just ignore it, and focus on the show.”
people telling me “how the fuck can you hear the wall clock ticking but not understand a word im saying when im talking to you??” (i swear i’m not ignoring you, i just can’t process your words)
and the absolute kicker: it took me nearly three decades of life to realise that all of the above meant I had an auditory processing disorder because, quite frankly, it isn’t discussed enough. and by enough, i mean at all.
I… experienced way too many of these not to be stunned right now.
I…am I?…I’d answer allot of questions….shit
a few things i do that help me! may or may not be practical for you, but can’t hurt to share
carry earplugs everywhere. i got a bottle of like 40 pairs on amazon for $6. i have a pair in my wallet, my bags, my pocket, etc
they come in different degrees of softness–softer ones let you dull sharp sounds while also letting you listen to lectures/carry on conversations.
heavy pairs ones can block out most sounds when you really need silence
don’t underestimate the usefulness of wearing just one. sometimes i’ll wear only one earplug when i’m sleeping and worried about missing my alarm
spendtime alone in silence when you can get it. i’ve noticed my ability to function in public goes hand in hand with being able to have regular ‘recovery’ time.
find a handful of songs you can listen to on repeat without really noticing.
asmr videos as ambient noise. find what works for you. i like crinkling.
honestly, choosing the right background noise is so useful
along that note, cheap wireless earbuds are easy to hide in your hair/under a hoodie/scarf. i’ve worn them in class.
i’m on medication for my sensory issues. certain medications commonly used to treat anxiety can also help w/ sensory processing issues! if you can, talk to your doctor.
i don’t hear people talking about this much, which surprises me. my medication is used ‘as needed’ and has saved me several times from public shutdowns/meltdowns. equally importantly, it’s improved my ability to function day-to-day
unrelated but hilarious: i just got a new thing of earplugs and they’re literally ‘sealed for freshness’
If you’re one of those people who thinks executive dysfunction only happens for things we don’t like (school, cleaning,) then please consider the fact that I’ve been meaning to plug my phone in for 20 minutes and I’m now at 2% and still putting it off to write this post ¯_(ツ)_/¯
My anime/video game list consists of over 100 titles, easily, and yet I almost never get around to watching/playing any of them.
Executive dysfunction is not just for boring or unenjoyable things. It’s for everything. Even eating.
What is executive dysfunction? O.o
Put simply, it’s difficulty/inability with initiating tasks. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for executive functions, like decision-making and impulse control. People with ADHD and other neurological disorders that affect the prefrontal cortex often experience difficulty making decisions and performing tasks, as well as exercising self restraint. Part of why people with ADHD tend to procrastinate so badly is out of genuine inability to begin tasks, even if they’re very important.
It feels, for me at least, like I’m constantly waiting for something and I can’t start X task because I’m waiting. I never know what exactly I’m waiting for, but that doesn’t stop me from wasting hours and days not doing the things I need to do, even if I have a desire to do them.
It feels, for me at least, like I’m constantly waiting for something and I can’t start X task because I’m waiting. I never know what exactly I’m waiting for, but that doesn’t stop me from wasting hours and days not doing the things I need to do, even if I have a desire to do them.
Oh thank god, someoneput it into words.
For me it’s also waiting for the “right” time to come to complete the task because for some reason my brain thinks doing the task at any other time is horribly, horribly wrong, weird, and out of order. The “right” time might come eventually, might not. It’s a lottery.
Yeah. This.
Y’all make it sound so deep but tbh to me it feels like tapping on the ‘Do the dishes’ button but a screen pops up saying ‘you must be lvl 27 to do this activity’ and I’m like ‘well shit I’m only lvl 26 so I guess I’ll just dick around until my exp goes up
And then next time I tap ‘do the dishes’ it demands I’m lvl 28 and by that time it’s getting a bit moldy and I’m just staring furiously at this pile of dishes, slapping the ‘Do the Dishes’ button to no avail. The stars aren’t in position.
The stars are never in position.
sometimes there’s a Just Fucking Do It special move available but it depletes your entire power bar and the recharge speed is completely unpredictable
I click Do Thing and it loads to 78% and then stays that way for 3 days
For me it’s like a notification pops up saying “The dishes need doing. You have 4 seconds to comply. If you do not comply within the allotted time, “Do Dishes” feature will become unavailable for 3 weeks.”
And if I don’t get up literally that instant and force myself to do the task, and wait even like 3-5 minutes, it becomes like when u open an un-dismissible window and accidentally click outside the box and your computer makes that chime noise to let you know that the option to click outside the box (do the dishes) doesn’t exist.
And then I’m just laying there like “ding…ding……ding….” until 3 weeks has passed and I’m given another 4 seconds to seize the opportunity to do the dishes.
how at the end of Iron Man 3, we were reassured that Tony Stark would be back.
while for the other MCU heroes, we got this…
… not “Steve Rogers will return” or “Scott Lang will return” or “Peter Parker will return”
and at the end of BP, we see “Black Panther will return in Avengers: Infinty War”
We get their masked identities. Their superhero aliases. Their alter egos.
When we think of Captain America, Ant-Man, Spider-Man, Black Panther, etc., we think of them as the heroes who we could rely on to help us, kick ass, and save the day, right?
And what do we think of when we hear the name Tony Stark?
Here, Tony’s actual name, not his alias, is in the same position as the others, reminding us that Iron Man may be powerful, but the true person we can trust to come and save us is Tony Stark. Iron Man has firepower, but Tony has more to offer the world than just his armor. If he ever finds himself in a situation where he doesn’t have a suit, you bet he’ll find another way to save the day.
That’s what he does. He’s a mechanic. He sees a problem and he fixes it. Yeah, he has an awesome suit of armor that helps him kick ass, but that’s just a high tech prosthesis, an extension of himself, an amplification of his true superpower — his brain and his heart.
