tony stark’s youtube channel but it’s just him complaining about the avengers’ fashion sense
“seriously guys if yall gonna live off of my money at least dress better”
It all starts with Clint Barton. Of course it does. The man couldn’t dress himself if Coco Chanel was his personal adviser. She’d probably give up after five minutes. That’s what Pepper did after she tried to convince Clint to give up his old shoes.
But that’s Clint. That’s fine. But then Tony notices everyone else. Steve, with the ill-fitting pants and shirts that yes, are good to look at, but come on. Tony will only let Steve visit the president in uncomfortably tight pants at least once.
Then he notices that when she’s not on mission, Natasha has only a sampling of an idea of what she likes. A lot of loose things, but a lot of it doesn’t fit well. Tony stares at the sweatshirt she drowns in and just sighs. The joy of being the only fashionable one.
Thor doesn’t care enough, and Bruce also doesn’t.
“I don’t want people to see me, so why bother?” Bruce asks with a shrug. (Tony still doesn’t know how Thor looks at Bruce like he’s got stars around his head when he’s in a really bad graphic tee he got from the bargain bin for ninety-nine cents, but whatever.)
So he starts a YouTube channel after seeing a Met Gala roast. He knows if Wintour hadn’t banned him from them for saying that “Iron Man could be on staff for all of the mistaken invitations” they’d be so much more on-theme.
It starts out small, actually. Just a side project of Tony walking around his lab and ranting about “how can Clint wear THAT. That monstrosity. God, he looks so bad. WHy is he like this.”
But the video that blows up is the one that features Steve. (Naturally.)
Tony rants for fifteen minutes about how Steve has the sense of “a fruit fly in front of a swatter” and brings up multiple outfit choices that he had had to convince Steve out of.
And then.
The line.
It’s iconic. It’s wonderful. It’s absolutely used in pop culture afterwards.
“If they’re going to live off my money, they might as well dress better,” Tony had muttered. He’d forgotten to cut it, and Friday and Jarvis had both agreed to leave it in. (Tony hates kind of that Friday is learning from her big brother, she could be so much better behaved.)
But regardless, it blows up. There are shirts, there are celebrities reacting, and more than a few dirty looks from his fellow teammates. Tony shrugs.
So I’m rewatching IW before Endgame, and I noticed some Irondad moments that I missed before:
In that first fight scene in the park in NYC, Peter and Tony move around each other so seamlessly, alternating between blows and playing off of each other’s attacks with such familiarity that you cannot tell me they haven’t done this before–and clearly often enough that it’s almost second nature
Like, they don’t even have to talk while they’re fighting, they just read off of each other and I love it so much
And speaking of talking–when Peter gets beamed up, he calls out for Tony to help him… he’s already on his comms system. Their suits are pre-programmed to communicate with each other and this is a little thing yes but it means, again, that they’ve done this before
Also, can we just talk about how Peter gets tossed around in the park and Tony doesn’t overreact (and it’s obviously not because he doesn’t care, look at how quick he sends him home on the ship), but just imagine how many missions it took for Tony to not come running to Peter’s aid any time he so much as got a bruise
And, when Peter’s getting pulled into space… Tony is so calm
Again, it’s not because he doesn’t care or because he isn’t freaking out (I’m positive he’s freaking out), but it’s such a small detail and shows how far Tony’s parental instincts have come–he’s staying calm for Peter, downplaying the situation so Peter doesn’t freak out and panic
Also Tony calling Peter “Pete” always makes me smile because it’s just so cute
And lastly, when they’re talking on the ship, these two know what the other one is going to say before they say it… they’re bantering
All I’m saying is we’ve come so far from SMHC and if I don’t get more irondad I might actually kill someone
RDJ: And I believe I ever remember telling you this, that what we needed was a suit of armor around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not, that’s what we needed. I said we’d lose. You said, “We’ll do that together too.” Well, guess what, Cap? We lost, and you weren’t there. But that’s what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We’re the Avengers? We’re the Avengers. Not the Prevengers, right?[Carol]’s great, by the way. We need you. You’re new blood.Bunch of tired old wheels. I got nothing for you, Cap. I’ve got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero, zip, nada.
Imagine Tony writing a parenting book on “how to make sure your superhero kid lives to adulthood” but everyone thinks the “superhero” part is just like an extended joke because he’s Iron Man and it becomes a #1 seller. When he does an interview about the book they’re like “it was such a creative idea to have everything be related to superheroes” and Tony is just like “no I meant that. My kid literally is a superhero” and no one ever believes him.
Chapters include:
“Obtaining your superkid: if you don’t have one of your own, adopted is fine”
“Stitches first, panic attack second: dealing with injuries”
“Bonding activities for when your kid is literally climbing the walls”
And “So, your kid broke curfew cause they were out fighting crime”
“This is our little secret: Keeping a secret identity”
“Trust is a two-way–street: Basics of communicating with teenagers (including Vine, Snapchat and other platforms)”
“Popular culture as inspiration: Battle strategies are 90 % extempore”
“Even superheroes might get sick: Breaking down NDAs, emergency first aid and symptoms”
“Don’t do anything I’d do and definitely don’t do anything I wouldn’t do: A collection of dad paradoxes tailored to a vigilante”
