Aziraphale, hanging out on Noah’s Ark watching the flood waters rise. Hears a noise down in the hull and goes to investigate.
Finds Crowley stowed away in the hull along with several hundred Mesopotamian children ranging in age from infants to late teens.
Crowley, in the middle of passing around a bread basket that endlessly refills itself, looks up like a deer in headlights. “Okay, I can explain this…”
—Later that day—
Crowley, while bottle feeding one of the infants: I mean clearly the Almighty wants these children dead, what with their capacity for evil and stuff, so by saving them all, I’m actually going against the Ineffable Plan.
Aziraphale, hiding a smile: Right. Makes perfect sense.
Crowley: I’m being very evil here.
Aziraphale: Of course you are.
Crowley: …you’re not about to throw them all overboard, are you? Because I will fight you.
Aziraphale: Oh, no. You’ve clearly outwitted me this time. I must accept my defeat with grace. And Noah has enough on his plate with the animals, I shouldn’t burden him with this. You’ve won this round, wily serpent.
Crowley, getting choked up: Y-Yes, that’s right. I’m very wily. And evil. Don’t forget that.
Uncle Sam: TERRORISM IS EVERYWHERE. IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING.
America: The police are mowing down unarmed minorities and getting off scot free. Our prisons are a private industry forcing nonviolent drug offenders into slavery for profit and disenfranchising them for life. ICE goons are kidnapping children and deporting their parents to parts unknown. Our working class is being exploited and abused. Oh, and there’s a Russian finger puppet in the Oval Office, you might want to look into that too.
imagine if the asgardians knew it was loki and not odin bc odin suddenly stopped losing his temper over dumb shit and was behaving more like frigga so they were like “oh, loki, it’s gotta be”
“we told him one of the lesser colonies began a revolution and declared independence and all he did was drink an entire glass of wine and say ‘good for them’ and then he wrote another play”
