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Human please I care about you. Will you tell me what else you like?

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locallez:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

Ugly animals

Awkward gay characters

People calling me Boss, or Sir

Wine, tequila, very cold vodka

Ceiling fan noises but only sometimes

Cloaks, blankets

Jackets with inside pockets and they’re big

When all the laundry’s done and your very favorite clothes are clean and competing to be worn.

Zoloft

Doing something borderline embarrassing and pulling it off so it’s a power move

The fact sluice is a word

Hurricanes and everyone goes to the basement

Flying dreams.

Drinking water after eating something salty and having to Wait

When you’ve had a craving for a while and you finally get to eat it

People who initially fit a stereotype but that totally changes once you find out more

Basically whenever someone’s personality pleasantly suprise you

Platonic goofball friendships. Friendships where people get each other and bring out the best and interact smoothly and hilariously.

Sheriff of Babylon by Tom King. Read it here: http://readcomiconline.to/Comic/The-Sheriff-of-Babylon

BAMF characters who happen to be female but that’s just a detail and no one makes it a Thing

Boys looking up in awe to cool female role models

Birkenstocks. But like, cool Birkenstocks. Metallic Birkenstocks. They’re really comfy ok

Remembering great personality details about Harry Potter book characters that didn’t make it into the movies.

Gun holsters but people use them to carry random stuff, like window washing tools, or carrots for horses

Platonic physical affection. Friends messing w/ my hair.

Villains w/ musical numbers

Kids excited about stuff and adults being excited with them

Relaxing but it’s after an unusually long day so it feels extra good

Fingers brushing your skin lightly and you get goosebumps

Watching people care about each other.

Finding a new song and knowing you can play it on a loop for ages and it will be satisfying every time

When there are a lot of people around but the cat/dog chooses me specifically

When a song that was just ok intensifies and suddenly makes you Emotion

When you’re doing a new book/movie/anything and the characters make you feel strong things you haven’t felt in a while

That feeling when a story rushes into your head in incredible detail and just keeps going

Those moments when you’re falling into sleep after being awake for too long.

Getting into that imagination space that you used to do easily as a kid, and you can daydream a story and it’s super real and satisfying

Finding something new that makes you happy.

When groups without much in common support each other anyway. When differences draw people together.

When people let good things happen.

Things that used to make you afraid, but now they excite you

Telling a joke assuming no one will laugh, but they do and it’s genuine.

People who pay attention when you’re talking, and respond to you, and are present

Being tired and calm after being put through the emotional wringer

That feeling of giddiness when you meet someone and it’s Good and sort of wakes you up.

Being excited to hang out with someone.

Those bits of books/shows where there’s not much action just characters and dialogue, and it’s like you’re just hanging out with them, and they become a second family, to the point you genuinely miss them if you go without re-reading/watching for too long.

Wanting something in a way that motivates you.

When certain worries stop worrying you

When you need a hug and you get one.

Being in bad pain but suddenly it ebbs.

That feeling when you discover you’re good at something you assumed would be harder

That feeling when a moment feels profound and you can see it as a scene from a tv drama where a song is playing or about to start

When people are important to each other.

Noticing something new about your personality and liking it. When your self-image changes in a good way. Realizing you like yourself.

When you’re a person with low-key emotions and you go into a rare super happy mood and have to lie down after

Also those rare moods where something’s so funny you literally are unable to stop laughing even if you wanted to, and the next day your ribs are sore

Remembering the refrain of a song you haven’t thought about in years.

That feeling when you’re zooming out and instead of seeing the last day, week, month, you see your whole life, and the world, and the universe, and you’re hovering above it, watching

Feeling sad and being able to cry instead of arresting & going into Numb Mode

That feeling when you realize something that was hard a year ago isn’t so hard anymore.

That feeling of knowing you are getting better, and suddenly the future opens up.

That feeling of believing you are going to be okay.

throwback thursday

Once I used a gun holster to hold my epipen and albuterol at a rave? My Near Death self makes this list.

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fuckingconversations:

pazdispenser:

CBC made a good documentary on adult ADHD and part of it really caught me off guard because i swear they repeated verbatim my life story for the past 3 years

full programme here:

http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episodes/adhd-not-just-for-kids

My ADHD manifested in excellent in-class work. Excellent understanding in discussions. Excellent participation. 

My ADHD manifested in piles of homework left undone until the last possible minute, while I stared at them, thinking; “I want to get these done. I understand the theory. It would take 10 minutes. I want to start, why can’t I start?” 

My ADHD manifested in fantastic reading comprehension – nigh impenetrable focus on interesting topics the first time I’m reading about them. 

My ADHD manifested in a complete inability to focus on reviews or re-reads, mind skittering sideways and away whenever anything was boring or repetitive. I sat down to study, my books open, my eyes on the text, and my brain clawing its way out the back of my head to focus on something else – anything else. Focus, focus! [No.]

My ADHD manifested in Articulating wings half-finished but still beautiful, in beautiful lineart and half-hearted coloring. In stories written passionately for days until I forgot it existed and never returned. In projects started and forgotten and started and forgotten a thousand times until my bins of project supplies piled up and my bank account shriveled down. No, it will be different this time – I LOVE this new thing. This new thing is my world, my destiny, my Everything. I CREATE and CREATE and CREATE and never FINISH. 

My ADHD manifested in confusion and surprise as time slithered away, hours passing like minutes and minutes seeming endless by contrast. An inability to gauge how much time had passed, was left, a task would take. An inability to hold dates in my head, because time didn’t feel consistent or even real.

 My ADHD manifested in watching someone talk and not understanding a word they said – literally hearing sounds and translating out only nonsense. In thoughts so loud I couldn’t speak coherently. In a conversation across the room shattering an idea I was trying to hold. It’s hard to think when you’re already thinking about everything around you. 

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quousque:

thebibliosphere:

So my therapist has been helping me get to grips with my ADHD, and also the concept that I’m not shit at being an adult, I just can’t do things the way everyone has always told me to do them. Like every single “organize your life” books have always left me wanting to cry with frustration, and after I got hold of a copy of
Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD

by Susan Pinsky I realized that was because they primarily focus on “aesthetic” over “function”. And the function of most standard “organize your life books” is to “make things look Show Home Perfect”.

So the standard “hide all your unsightly things by doing xyz” may look nice for the first week or so, but by the end of the week it’ll look like a tornado made of pure inhuman frustration ripped through the house as I try to find the fucking advil.

To give you an example of the kind of hell I’ve been fumbling my way through the last 20 odd years: dishes will be washed and left in the drying wrack but never put away. Which means I can’t wash more dishes, which means dishes pile up, which means I can’t make food, which means I don’t eat, which means my CFS gets worse, which means I don’t have the energy to put the dishes away, and so on so forth until I have a meltdown, cry to ETD (who also likely has ADHD but has never had it confirmed) about how I can’t cope with life, and then we fix it for a while, but inevitably end up back at square one within about a week.

Pinsky’s solution to this was “remove an obstacle between you and your goal, if that means taking all the doors off your kitchen cabinets to make things easier, so be it.”

And lemme tell you, fucking revolutionary.

Laundry never ends up in the hamper??? why???? is it a closed hamper??? Remove the lid. Throw it out the window. Clothes are now miraculously finding their way into the hamper??? Rejoice????

Mail ends up spread out over every available flat surface? Put a sorting station right where your mail arrives. Put a shredder or “junk” basket under it. Shred or dump the junk immediately. Realize you only actually have two real letters that need attention, feel less overwhelmed, pay your bills on time.

Like I’m not saying this book is miraculous, but it did help me realize that I was effectively torturing myself by trying to conform to certain ideals of “perfect house keeping”, and presenting a certain image rather than just allowing myself to live in my space as effectively as possible. And why? Why was I doing that? Cause people with different lives and capabilities are perceived as the norm? Fuck that. If this was a physical problem I wouldn’t be forcing myself to conform to an ableist standard, so why am I doing it with this?

My lived space will never look a certain way, and that’s okay. It will never look show home perfect, and that’s okay. It will likely always be cluttered and eclectic where nothing matches, and that’s okay. Sometimes I will have odd socks on because sorting them out required too much mental energy, and that’s okay. Actually fuck sorting socks, just buy all your socks in the same color. Problem solved. Boring sure, but also one less thing to do, which means more time to hyper fixate on fun things. Which really, what else is my life for if not to write screeds and screeds of vampire shit posts, I ask you.

things that have helped me get and keep my room clean:

-I have like 5 trashcans in my room so there’s always one within arm’s reach. boom. no more trash on the floor.

-Clothes that I’ve worn, but can wear again before washing them, get draped over the edge of the (lidless) hamper. that way they’re not on the floor.

-when laundry comes out of the dryer, I fold it while i’m still in the laundry room and carry it all upstairs in a box. that way, it gets put away. if I don’t do that and carry a basket of clean laundry upstairs, I have clean clothes all over my floor for weeks.

-No closet doors, nothing that belongs in an out-of-sight location. “out of sight, out of mind” is very literal for people with ADHD. often times we don’t put stuff away because we don’t want to forget about it.

-the “fuck it bucket”. A location or container where you dump everything that you just can’t bother to put away right now. There’s still a mess, but at least it’s all confined to one place. The fuck it bucket works really well in workshops and craft areas.

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thebibliosphere:

papafargo:

athelind:

autisticcosplay:

flicker-serthes:

honestmerchantsailor:

pettyartist:

naamahdarling:

iconuk01:

brunhiddensmusings:

vampire-rooster:

the-real-d-sandman:

daisenseiben:

superllama42:

tilthat:

TIL one of Frank Abagnale’s first cons included, disguising as a security guard, hanging a sign above a bank drop box that read, “Out of service, leave deposit with security guard”. Later he commented how he could not believe it worked, “How can a drop box be out of service?”

via reddit.com

Apparently Catch Me If You Can was going to include this con but they had to cancel the scene because when they tried to film it people kept walking up and trying to give Leo their money.

So a professor of mine used to work at a bank back in the day. She says one day a guy in professional attire and a clipboard shows up in a big moving truck. He says he’s from the home office and they’re changing all the chairs. He’s needs them to just load all their old chairs into his truck and later he’d be back with the replacements.

And that’s how they gave away their office furniture to a conman whose master plan was “Wear a tie and carry a clipboard.”

Looking professional is just a pass to do whatever the hell you want.

Put a suit on and you can get almost anywhere.

there’s more to it, look nice and ACT LIKE YOU BELONG. If you don’t look like you belong there, people will stop you.

this smacks of a chef i heard of that was tired to death that every single person ordered their eggs ‘over easy’, so asked the waitress to say ‘were out of over easy, we have plenty of scrambled’ and nobody questioned it

How low must your self image be to plan to rob a bank and all you take is some second hand chairs?

I 100% believe this was a former employee with a grudge.

Kid you not, this is how a sister store of mine got their entire dog treat bar stolen.

A couple of guys said they were with maintenance and they were there to replace the old bar with a new one and the employees were like “Seems legit” and they wheeled them out.  The staff even helped them do it.

This is called a “Bavarian Fire Drill” and the trick to pulling it off is to have absolute confidence that it’s going to work. If you seem even the slightest bit nervous or hesitant, everyone will see right through it.

Case in point:

In 1906, a German con man named Wilhelm Voigt dressed up in a German Army captain’s uniform and entered the town of Köpenick claiming to be an “inspector” (inspector of what, he never specified). He managed to wrangle ten German soldiers and a sergeant into assisting him, ordered the local police to halt all telephone calls to Berlin for an hour, arrested the mayor and treasurer for nonexistent charges of crooked bookkeeping, and confiscated the town’s entire treasury complete with a receipt which he signed with his former jail director’s name. He only got caught (two weeks later) because his former cellmate blabbed, and was later pardoned by Kaiser Wilhelm II who found the whole thing hilarious.

That Kaiser is a definite bro.

This is why slytherins like to be fancy and professional looking

When you’re a trickster, it pays to be … low key.

I was hired to help test a security system once. I was sent in to a semi-large company and had to go through a list of certain objectives. My favorite one was “take something out of the building that is too big to hide on your body.“ I paired it with “get into a secured facility within the building.”

I walked in in my general business getup. Shirt, tie, jacket, nice pants, not quite “suit” because it was all just a little bit shabby and not exactly matching but not clashing. Nice briefcase. Clipboard.

Getting into the secured part was easy. Learned the name of the supervisor, told the security guard that “Cindy said they’d let me in without a problem on my first day. Something about the badges not being made fast enough.” Sure, no problem, go ahead.

Walked in, unhooked a PC tower, walked to the bathroom where I’d hidden a dolly earlier, went into a stall and changed into the outfit I’d had in the briefcase. It was what I’d consider workman’s clothes but a worker in an office, not like a construction worker.

Blue jeans, t-shirt, worker’s vest (low key), hat, good boots but 2nd hand.

Threw the tower on the mover’s dolly with a couple other things, stacked very slightly precariously but not likely to fall, walked over to the stairs leading down, and started going down to the way out, which I knew had a security guard on it.

As soon as I saw him see me I stumbled and yelled out. He came running over and helped stabilize everything. Helped me down the stairs. Held the door open for me and told me to “have a nice day” as I left. Never asked for my badge or even where I was going with the stuff.

Act like you know what you’re doing. Look like you belong. Be confident.

That’s 75% of it right there.

That is some Moist Von Lipwig bullshit right there and I am fucking delighted.

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smallest-feeblest-boggart:

zaunites-finest:

passiveanimatronic:

ultimate-reserve-hope:

bejeweledaqua:

dracophile:

randomthingieshere:

pheenixwright:

invenblocker:

pheenixwright:

invenblocker:

pheenixwright:

invenblocker:

forthefuns:

follow forthefuns for more funny stuff

Your honor! Please direct your attention towards the manga.

As you can see there are small pieces of paper sticking out of every volume.

But no such paper is sticking out of the Batman comic.

The reason? The Batman book doesn’t belong to the library. The photographer put it there to take a picture.

Once again making hasty assumptions, Wright?

First of all, I’d like to direct the court’s attention to this particular spot, in the top right-hand corner.

Notice how the words are blocking the top of the Batman book.

With this in mind, how can you claim that there is “no such paper sticking out of the Batman comic”?!

Say whaaaat?

Well uhm

Look at the size of the paper pieces, they’re all sticking pretty far out.

If there was paper in the batman comic, it would be big enough to stick up over the text.

And while gravity does exist, it probably won’t make the paper do a 90 degree turn and just lean horisontally left at the middle.

Still grasping for straws, Wright?

Hypothetically, if there were a paper there, this picture would not be able to prove its presence. I’ve taken the liberty of drawing a diagram to illustrate my point. We are faced with three possibilities. It is possible that (1) the paper was simply tucked in deeper than the others.

Paper is a soft material, Wright. It’s not unreasonable for it to do a (2) 90 degree turn. 

Or perhaps, (3) a paper does not exist there at all. 

Either way, you cannot prove your client innocent without sufficient evidence.  

Which, of course, is impossible thanks to the obtrusive words.

I’m sorry Edgeworth.

I concede that I can’t disprove theory 1

But the image you submited for theory 2 is contradictory.

Look at the tilt of the other papers. They clearly prove how much the paper would tilt.

And theory 3 is my point! Why would the library’s book not have this piece of paper when the other library books do?

While you still have thory 1, there is another contradiction.

The books are not in alphabetical order, this proves that the batman comic was placed there specifically for the picture!

Ack.

(Perhaps I should’ve left the artistry to the forensic artist…)

Now hold it right there! It doesn’t matter which direction the paper is going because it’s impossible to prove it even exists!

Those theories are all the same! We do not have enough information to prove them. There could be an infinite amount of papers in there for all we know. I simply presented them only so that the court could better understand your baseless conjecture!

… I suppose the order of the books do seem out of the ordinary. However, therein lies not just one possibility. Clearly, those are Japanese graphic novels, also known as “manga”. And the Batman comic book is a graphic novel, too, no?

Seeing as it currently has only graphic novels in the shelf, it is possible that any other novels have simply not yet been restocked. Asserting whether or not this effect was deliberate is useless– there is no way of knowing if the photographer and the captioner are the same person, let alone their involvement in this picture.

Face it Wright, you can’t prove any of these groundless accusations!

Did everyone just ignore the library sticker?

D E AD

I will reblog this any time i see it on my dash

Absolutely fucking D E S T R O Y E D

This is the strongest Tumblr post I’ve ever witnessed.

i’ve seen this post a dozen times, it gets funnier every time

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wheezis:

sourdoughnibblers:

itsfullofstars:

VIDEO FROM THE SURFACE OF A COMET

This is truly incredible.

Details:

Remember Rosetta? That comet-chasing European Space Agency (ESA) probe that deployed (and accidentally bounced) its lander Philae on the surface of Comet 67P? This GIF is made up of images Rosetta beamed back to Earth, which have been freely available online for a while. But it took Twitter user landru79 processing and assembling them into this short, looped clip to reveal the drama they contained.

while the stuff in the foreground is dust/ice on the surface of the comet itself, the background is actually stars. i saw a stabilized video where you can really make it out, and it blew my mind.

here’s the stabilized clip, if anyone’s interested