– “you’re dearer to me than all the bats in all the caves in the world” [ the start of a very rough speed sketch for a digital painting of morticia + gomez ]
As the Carolinas prepare for the arrival of Hurricane Florence, currently a Category 4 storm, Senator Jeff Merkley appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show with a document that shows $10,000,000 was diverted from FEMA’s budget to pay for ICE detention centers.
It’s believed the transfer of funds took place at the beginning of
summer. You know, right before the start of hurricane season. And if
that’s not enough to make your blood boil, this video of Trump calling
his administration’s handling of Puerto Rico during and after Hurricane
Maria “an incredible, unsung success” should do the trick.
I’m sure Carolinians are relieved the President of the United States
considers 3000 dead Americans an incredible, unsung success. No worries,
Outer Banks! He’ll be there to throw paper towels at you soon.
“Nearly everyone with ADHD answers an emphatic yes to the question: “Have you always been more sensitive than others to rejection, teasing, criticism, or your own perception that you have failed or fallen short?” This is the definition of a condition called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. When I ask ADHDers to elaborate on it, they say: “I’m always tense. I can never relax. I can’t just sit there and watch a TV program with the rest of the family. I can’t turn my brain and body off to go to sleep at night. Because I’m sensitive to my perception that other people disapprove of me, I am fearful in personal interactions.” They are describing the inner experience of being hyperactive or hyper-aroused. Remember that most kids after age 14 don’t show much overt hyperactivity, but it’s still present internally, if you ask them about it. The emotional response to the perception of failure is catastrophic for those with the condition. The term “dysphoria” means “difficult to bear,” and most people with ADHD report that they “can hardly stand it.” They are not wimps; disapproval hurts them much more than it hurts neurotypical people. If emotional pain is internalized, a person may experience depression and loss of self-esteem in the short term. If emotions are externalized, pain can be expressed as rage at the person or situation that wounded them. In the long term, there are two personality outcomes. The person with ADHD becomes a people pleaser, always making sure that friends, acquaintances, and family approve of him. After years of constant vigilance, the ADHD person becomes a chameleon who has lost track of what she wants for her own life. Others find that the pain of failure is so bad that they refuse to try anything unless they are assured of a quick, easy, and complete success. Taking a chance is too big an emotional risk. Their lives remain stunted and limited. For many years, rejection-sensitive dysphoria has been the hallmark of what has been called atypical depression. The reason that it was not called “typical” depression is that it is not depression at all but the ADHD nervous system’s instantaneous response to the trigger of rejection.”
I don’t think this is necessarily exclusive to ADHD – it’s extremely familiar to me and, while I have some ADD-ish traits, I very definitely don’t have hyperactivity. It sounds a hell of a lot like a lot of other autistic-or-otherwise-neurodiverse-but-not-necessarily-ADHD people I know too. And it also sounds a lot like something that comes from a (vaguely complex-PTSD-ish?) unconsciously-learnt response to repeated experience (or, in less clinical-sounding terms, internalised oppression), rather than something that necessarily comes from a particular cognitive difference.
Perhaps this is different where you live, but here “ADHD” now is an umbrella term that covers both “Hyperactive type” and “inattentive type.” I am inattentive type, and I must say that reading this article was like looking in a mirror, it’s amazing how accurate it all is to my life. I was diagnosed 11 years ago and somehow never knew that this was common in ADHD. But I think you’re right that it might have more to do with our conditioning than with our neurotype. I’d love to learn more abut this and see if there’s any more information on the causes.
when you go from a bad situation into a better one you may collapse exhausted and unsure what to do and full of grief, you may need time to regain the ability to do things as yourself or motivated by anything other than terror, you may need time to process or mourn or fall apart in ways you could not before,
and people may use this as proof that the old situation was better for you, proof that you need to go back, and it is not proof that it was better for you or proof that you need to go back
!!!
It’s so incredibly common to “fall apart” when you’re finally safe. You no longer need to stay so tightly coiled in on yourself, you can finally leave survival mode and process your trauma. You’re not holding yourself up by sheer terror anymore and suddenly the damage that terror has done to you becomes immediate and obvious.
This is so important. Don’t go back. Things are already getting better, even if it doesn’t feel that way.
This is a documented phenomenon with abuse in particular. I’ve had a number of people ask me why they’re falling apart now after they’ve moved into a safer home, or they’re in a less dangerous area, or they’ve left an exploitative job, or they’re in a healthy relationship for the first time. Generally, it’s because they made that positive change.
When we’re still in the midst of crisis, we’re often too overloaded and physically/emotionally unsafe to really feel or process anything. So for most of us, everything gets pushed down/repressed/dissociated until later, when we’re safe and supported. The threshold of safety at which processing begins to occur varies from person to person. And the mental calculations used to determine “safety” usually happen on an unconscious level. Very few of us have the conscious thought “I’m safe now, so I can process what happened to me.” Instead, the subconscious realizes some level of safety has been achieved, and so it just dumps a load of suppressed stuff.
Sometimes, it’s contrast to past experiences that makes us realize something was traumatic at all. In such cases, it’s not that we’ve reached a level of safety and can thus begin to process, it’s that we finally have a basis for comparison to know that what went before was unacceptable.
see also: my childhood
My depression, PTSD, anxiety, and panic attacks didn’t really kick up bad until I moved in with my now-wife, which is when I moved away from my family.
“Oh I love roses! I try growing them myself, but they never get very far.”
“Would you like to know the secret to healthy rose bushes,” I asked, knowing that she would not like the answer.
“Do tell!”
Grin. “Blood.”
The customer paused, waiting for me to say that I was kidding. But I wasn’t so it never came. She became nervous.
And before I could explain that blood meal is a common soil fixer and fertilizer, she put her hands up, spun around and said-
“Bye.”
You want to know the secrets to a beautiful garden? You better be prepared for some weird shit.
Well someone felt like being the ominous witch in the small, mysterious shop today.
.
…also, tomatoes like blood too.
My interest in plants extends beyond ‘oh look a pretty flower’ and straight into ‘plants are fucking metal.’
Evidently, you’re supposed to plant garlic in the same places as your roses because the garlic will repel a rose-specific aphid.
So what I’m saying is that between the romantic symbolism of the rose, the bloodmeal in the soil, and the fresh garlic all over the place-
You could really set yourself up for an encounter with some VERY pissed vampires.
Roses really love banana skins, too. Just… stick one in there before you plant a rose bush or spronkle around one that’s already in the ground. They’ll adore you.
Mmm… blood banana.
I made tiny ass Home Depot Petunias blossom like magic that they’re nearly overtaking the trellises.
How did I accomplish this?
Once a week I bury a small amount of leftover meat in the soil.
My morning glories loved the crap out of the charred chicken bones I gave them. They’re already an enthusiastic plant, but the blooms I had this year were extraordinary.
@thebibliosphere Well, if you ever get your allergies under some semblance of more control and want to get on Demon Rose’s good side, I guess
