So my therapist has been helping me get to grips with my ADHD, and also the concept that I’m not shit at being an adult, I just can’t do things the way everyone has always told me to do them. Like every single “organize your life” books have always left me wanting to cry with frustration, and after I got hold of a copy of
Organizing Solutions for People with ADHDby Susan Pinsky I realized that was because they primarily focus on “aesthetic” over “function”. And the function of most standard “organize your life books” is to “make things look Show Home Perfect”.
So the standard “hide all your unsightly things by doing xyz” may look nice for the first week or so, but by the end of the week it’ll look like a tornado made of pure inhuman frustration ripped through the house as I try to find the fucking advil.
To give you an example of the kind of hell I’ve been fumbling my way through the last 20 odd years: dishes will be washed and left in the drying wrack but never put away. Which means I can’t wash more dishes, which means dishes pile up, which means I can’t make food, which means I don’t eat, which means my CFS gets worse, which means I don’t have the energy to put the dishes away, and so on so forth until I have a meltdown, cry to ETD (who also likely has ADHD but has never had it confirmed) about how I can’t cope with life, and then we fix it for a while, but inevitably end up back at square one within about a week.
Pinsky’s solution to this was “remove an obstacle between you and your goal, if that means taking all the doors off your kitchen cabinets to make things easier, so be it.”
And lemme tell you, fucking revolutionary.
Laundry never ends up in the hamper??? why???? is it a closed hamper??? Remove the lid.
Throw it out the window.Clothes are now miraculously finding their way into the hamper??? Rejoice????Mail ends up spread out over every available flat surface? Put a sorting station right where your mail arrives. Put a shredder or “junk” basket under it. Shred or dump the junk immediately. Realize you only actually have two real letters that need attention, feel less overwhelmed, pay your bills on time.
Like I’m not saying this book is miraculous, but it did help me realize that I was effectively torturing myself by trying to conform to certain ideals of “perfect house keeping”, and presenting a certain image rather than just allowing myself to live in my space as effectively as possible. And why? Why was I doing that? Cause people with different lives and capabilities are perceived as the norm? Fuck that. If this was a physical problem I wouldn’t be forcing myself to conform to an ableist standard, so why am I doing it with this?
My lived space will never look a certain way, and that’s okay. It will never look show home perfect, and that’s okay. It will likely always be cluttered and eclectic where nothing matches, and that’s okay. Sometimes I will have odd socks on because sorting them out required too much mental energy, and that’s okay. Actually fuck sorting socks, just buy all your socks in the same color. Problem solved. Boring sure, but also one less thing to do, which means more time to hyper fixate on fun things. Which really, what else is my life for if not to write screeds and screeds of vampire shit posts, I ask you.
things that have helped me get and keep my room clean:
-I have like 5 trashcans in my room so there’s always one within arm’s reach. boom. no more trash on the floor.
-Clothes that I’ve worn, but can wear again before washing them, get draped over the edge of the (lidless) hamper. that way they’re not on the floor.
-when laundry comes out of the dryer, I fold it while i’m still in the laundry room and carry it all upstairs in a box. that way, it gets put away. if I don’t do that and carry a basket of clean laundry upstairs, I have clean clothes all over my floor for weeks.
-No closet doors, nothing that belongs in an out-of-sight location. “out of sight, out of mind” is very literal for people with ADHD. often times we don’t put stuff away because we don’t want to forget about it.
-the “fuck it bucket”. A location or container where you dump everything that you just can’t bother to put away right now. There’s still a mess, but at least it’s all confined to one place. The fuck it bucket works really well in workshops and craft areas.
Tag: ADHD
That autistic / ADHD feel when you want to do… something.
I call this “activity cravings” because it’s like when you want a certain food but you aren’t sure which food. But for activities.
Do I want to go for a walk? Play a game? If so, what kind of game? DO I want to make things? Read? Watch tv? A movie?
then when that executive dysfunction comes into play and since you could do literally anything in the world, you end up trapped and unable to choose anything to do at all, and do nothing instead but live in that restlessness
One of the best additions to this post yet. This is one of those nuances of choice paralysis that people fail to understand – sometimes it is because we lack the executive function to choose, sometimes we want to do all the things and can’t choose.
And, if your depressive anhedonia kicks in, even if you DO decide on something, you quit 10 minutes later because the thing just isn’t doing it for you.
afzklnieasf
god this post is such a mood, all the time
Me on my days off from work
Do I have “I’m Not Being Productive Enough” fatigue or “I Need A Break From Productivity” fatigue?
Will I become an overworked wreck or an underworked anxiety ball? tune in next w
jeez just tag me next time
same damnit
Oh, I thought I was just stir crazy. Joy.
Happy fun times…
its really weird to see all these articles about how people who have ADHD have sleeping problems but the issue I have is that if you look at it as a matter of your circadian rythym being out of sync? of COURSE you’re not going to be able to sleep. we don’t say people who can’t fall asleep at 4 pm and sleep 8 hours have insomnia, because that’s not a normally agreed upon time to sleep and its not your bodies time to sleep. if you tell someone to go to bed at 10 and they can’t sleep till 3 am sometimes in just not insomnia. people with ADHD are often wired to sleep from 4 am to 12 pm ish because of the delayed onset of melatonin but if you let us go to bed at the time we need? most of us actually sleep pretty well and consistently.
wAIT THIS IS AN ACTUAL THING THAT EXISTS
“For most adults the onset of melatonin is around 9.30 pm; in ADHD children compared to controls this occurs at least 45 minutes later, and in adults with ADHD even 90 minutes (van der Heijden ea, 2005; van Veen ea 2010). After melatonin onset, it normally takes 2 hours to fall asleep, but in adults with ADHD it takes at least 3 hours (Bijlenga et al, 2013).”
Look at me awake at 1:47 am and reblogging this post.
So I’m actually trained in therapy for addressing insomnia and one of the things we learned is that a good chunk of sleep problems are societal disorders – as in they WOULDN’T EXIST as problems if society didn’t assume everyone was on the same circadian rhythm and that being up and working 9-5 was mandatory/normal. Blew my mind and made so much sense. You are not the problem, society is literally the problem.
I made a thing
I.. I got the whole chart..
B, G, bottom row, and
“Nearly everyone with ADHD answers an emphatic yes to the question: “Have you always been more sensitive than others to rejection, teasing, criticism, or your own perception that you have failed or fallen short?” This is the definition of a condition called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. When I ask ADHDers to elaborate on it, they say: “I’m always tense. I can never relax. I can’t just sit there and watch a TV program with the rest of the family. I can’t turn my brain and body off to go to sleep at night. Because I’m sensitive to my perception that other people disapprove of me, I am fearful in personal interactions.” They are describing the inner experience of being hyperactive or hyper-aroused. Remember that most kids after age 14 don’t show much overt hyperactivity, but it’s still present internally, if you ask them about it. The emotional response to the perception of failure is catastrophic for those with the condition. The term “dysphoria” means “difficult to bear,” and most people with ADHD report that they “can hardly stand it.” They are not wimps; disapproval hurts them much more than it hurts neurotypical people. If emotional pain is internalized, a person may experience depression and loss of self-esteem in the short term. If emotions are externalized, pain can be expressed as rage at the person or situation that wounded them. In the long term, there are two personality outcomes. The person with ADHD becomes a people pleaser, always making sure that friends, acquaintances, and family approve of him. After years of constant vigilance, the ADHD person becomes a chameleon who has lost track of what she wants for her own life. Others find that the pain of failure is so bad that they refuse to try anything unless they are assured of a quick, easy, and complete success. Taking a chance is too big an emotional risk. Their lives remain stunted and limited. For many years, rejection-sensitive dysphoria has been the hallmark of what has been called atypical depression. The reason that it was not called “typical” depression is that it is not depression at all but the ADHD nervous system’s instantaneous response to the trigger of rejection.”
—
“Devastated by Disapproval” – William Dodson, M.D., ADDitude Magazine
I did both of those two personality outcomes. Magic or something, I guess. -J
(via actuallyadhd)
I don’t think this is necessarily exclusive to ADHD – it’s extremely familiar to me and, while I have some ADD-ish traits, I very definitely don’t have hyperactivity. It sounds a hell of a lot like a lot of other autistic-or-otherwise-neurodiverse-but-not-necessarily-ADHD people I know too. And it also sounds a lot like something that comes from a (vaguely complex-PTSD-ish?) unconsciously-learnt response to repeated experience (or, in less clinical-sounding terms, internalised oppression), rather than something that necessarily comes from a particular cognitive difference.
(via spikyprofile)
Perhaps this is different where you live, but here “ADHD” now is an umbrella term that covers both “Hyperactive type” and “inattentive type.” I am inattentive type, and I must say that reading this article was like looking in a mirror, it’s amazing how accurate it all is to my life. I was diagnosed 11 years ago and somehow never knew that this was common in ADHD. But I think you’re right that it might have more to do with our conditioning than with our neurotype. I’d love to learn more abut this and see if there’s any more information on the causes.
(via squidsqueen)
My biggest pet peeve is being talked to AS SOON as i wake up.
I hate that shit.
Stop tryin to communicate with me.
Stop askin me questions.
Im tryna understand the universe all over again dont talk to me yet ur gonna confuse me and piss me off.⚠️ MORNING PEOPLE DO NOT INTERACT! ⚠️
I tell people that I am not a morning person and what they hear is ‘I purposely chose to stay up til the wee hours and then it’s my own fault for not getting enough sleep when I am awakened at a normal time when normal people should be up, and I just need to correct this failing to live a happier life’.
What I am ACTUALLY telling them is ‘I have delayed sleep phase disorder, where in my circadian rhythm is different from theirs and my brain does not produce melatonin the way theirs does. When I am forced to get up before I have had a full 9 hours sleep–especially if I am awakened during sleep cycle–I am working at an extremely reduced ability level and will be unable to work at my peak efficiency and effectiveness until the afternoon.
‘As a result, I may rely on caffeine and other stimulants for the first 5 hours of the day, which also contributes to insomnia, and burnout in the late afternoon means I may snack on carbs for the energy boost. It is the equivalent of having permanent jet lag such as when you are 5 hours off from everyone around you.
‘It is not something that can be cured, only a condition to manage, and requires the people around me to make reasonable accommodations such as not trying to force me to interact with them and be decisional when I first wake up.
‘I also have ADHD, which means I have difficulty working when there is noise and chatter preventing me from being able to concentrate. I need calm quiet to be able to do my best work, and the only time I actually have calm quiet is when the rest of the world is asleep.
‘During the day, I artificially create this quiet during the day, using noise-cancelling headphones when I am forced to work in a noisy environment, or by working alone in a quiet space. And when you deny me that quiet, I expend a tremendous amount of energy just trying to focus. And I am much more likely to miss steps, or make errors, affecting the quality of my work as well as how long it takes me to complete.’
And what people hear is ‘I am lazy and unwilling to change,’ when in reality THEY are the ones unwilling to change because it is inconvenient, or requires them to be considerate of others.
So, yeah. I am not a morning person.
Hey op
*are you me?*
This. ThisthisthisThisTHISTHISTHIS.
all of thiiiiiis.
“THE ADULT ADHD CIRCADIAN CLOCK MAY BE INCORRECTLY SET BETWEEN 4AM AND NOON” WOULD EXPLAIN A HELL OF A LOT ABOUT MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE
tbh I wish I’d known this earlier on in my life. I’ve always naturally slept from 4am-12pm when my body is allowed to choose its own rhythm.
… This is EXACTLY what I fall into, too.
Does anyone have an actual source?
https://apsard.org/are-you-a-night-owl-about-adhd-and-late-sleep/
ADHD is related to several sleep problems, but the most frequent seems the delayed sleep phase syndrome, a disturbance of the circadian rhythm. Research of children and adults with ADHD (when compared to controls) shows that the majority of these individuals has a late sleep onset that is associated with a late onset of the sleep hormone melatonin (van der Heijden et al, 2005; van Veen et al, 2010). Melatonin is produced by the pineal gland in the brain when it is getting dark in the evening, and we wake up by light in the morning. The onset of the melatonin production helps to fall asleep. For most adults the onset of melatonin is around 9.30 pm; in ADHD children compared to controls this occurs at least 45 minutes later, and in adults with ADHD even 90 minutes (van der Heijden ea, 2005; van Veen ea 2010). After melatonin onset, it normally takes 2 hours to fall asleep, but in adults with ADHD it takes at least 3 hours (Bijlenga et al, 2013). So it does make sense that so many people with ADHD have difficulty falling asleep on time. This late onset of melatonin is driven by genes that regulate the biological clock, and those genes have been linked psychiatric disorders like ADHD and bipolar disorder (Landgraf et al, 2014). What the exact relationship is between this late sleep pattern and ADHD is still unknown.
Oh Hey Look It’s Me.
I hate when I make a comment that someone sees as random and they ask, “Haha, where did that come from?”
Do you really want to know the series of internal associations and mental events that led me from one idea to another? I’m guessing not so much.
What I think: “The color of your nail polish reminded me of iridescent beetle wings, which reminded me of a dress made for an 1888 production of Macbeth, onto which over a thousand jewel beetle wings were sewn. I purchased a green sequined dress and wore it to a New Year’s Party in Ohio, in honor of the number 7, the digit I find most pleasing. I associate the number 7 and its multiples as elegant and well-dressed. I always pictured a human version of the number 7 as having flapper hair with carefully waxed curls. Waxed curls remind me of Denise Crosby’s hairstyle in an episode of Star Trek I recently re-watched and then caused me to go on another long rant about how we depict robots in media. Robots remind me of the book I am reading, in which an AI must adjust to being housed in a gynoid body and passing as human. To do this, she eats to keep up pretenses and because she enjoys it. Eating despite not needing to reminds me that I need to eat and forget to because I don’t recognize hunger. Impaired hunger symbols may be due to a lack of beneficial gut bacteria. I am attempting to propogate more gut bacteria through consuming probiotic food like yoghurt and smoothie mixes. I have some in my refrigerator at home, but I need to ensure that they are not expired and that nothing in my kitchen is growing mold. Mold has many surprising uses – the discovery of penicillin and the advancement of medicine surely influenced the last century in immeasurably important ways. The last century has been full of evil as well as progress, however – nuclear weapons are evidence of that! There is strange symmetry to think that radiotrophic mold has apparently been discovered at the Chernobyl site. When I first learned this, I could not contain my excitement and shared this information with a customer service representative with my bank on the phone. He was informed and excited about this topic as well, and we had a wonderful conversation about it entirely unrelated to banking. I hope this diversion did not get him into trouble – I do not know what is or is not considered acceptable interaction with customers. I need to visit my bank soon and withdraw cash so I can pay Hope my share of the hotel bill next month. It’s unfortunate that we were not able to secure the AirB&B they used last year, but the hotel should be acceptable so long as it is clean. It may appear clean, but I bet there is a whole horrifying world of organic residue invisible to the naked eye…”
What I say out loud: “Did you know that blood doesn’t naturally fluoresce? It will not show up under a blacklight like in the movies. Real forensic investigators detect bloodstains by spraying chemicals like Luminol, which react with the iron in hemoglobin and cause the bloodstains to glow.“
ADHD.txt
This is me, though it’s not linear: each step has multiple branches and it can veeeerry quickly get out of hand. Probably why ADHD folk can be excellent at problem solving (just run through EVERY POSSIBILE PATH in your head) and also paralysed with inaction at the simplest things (just run through EVERY POSSIBLE THING in your head).
PSA about ADHD
✦ADHD is not a personality quirk
– some things that tag along with ADHD are:
~sensory processing disorder
~executive dysfunction
~poor fine motor skills
~sensory overloads (that lead to meltdowns)
~sensory seeking (self stimming)
~hyperfixations
~moderate to severe memory problems
~Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria– is an extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain triggered by the perception that one is being rejected, teased, or criticized. The emotional response is complete with suicidal ideation and people suffering from RSD often get misdiagnosed with serious personality disorders. RSD is only seen in people with ADHD and the emotional sensitivity/reaction is much more severe than that of a neurotypical person.
✦Some other “fun” ADHD things!
~inability to regulate emotions
~no concept of time
~noticeable public stimming (resulting in stares from neurotypicals)
~no impulse control
~insomnia
~listen but cannot absorb what is being said
~no volume control
~increased inability to focus when emotional
~difficulty stopping a task and transitioning to the next
~social anxiety
~higher levels on generalized anxiety
~extremely forgetful
~”all or nothing” mentality
@ neurotypicals- some things to be aware of:
– you cannot hyperfixate. only people who are neurodivergent can hyperfixate. please don’t use that word when describing your latest obsession 🙂
– please don’t stare at neurodivergent people who are stimming in public
– be respectful of those who actually need fidget toys so they can subtly stim in public
– if we forget something you tell us it is not because we don’t care, we just have a million other thoughts racing through our mind and no way to filter through them.
– please be gentle with us. no don’t tip toe around us and treat us like we aren’t human, but be aware that even offhand comments can trigger RSD. no we aren’t being too sensitive, our brains are wired differently than yours.
never forget that ADHD is a real disability and it affects our everyday lives in ways that often we don’t even realize
Here I am hoping I’d outgrown ADHD somehow
And then I notice I’ve been staying up in bed in the dark for 2 hours after an entire day of “I want to, but for some reason I’m not” and dedicating every third thought to rewriting Greased Lightning to be about one of my OCs.