ok can we agree that the WORST feeling is when you’re just sitting around consciously procrastinating and you’re just overly aware that each second that passes is more time wasted and you like watch hours pass and you’re STILL procrastinating and you CANT STOP and your panicked brain is trapped inside a body that refuses to be productive and inside you’re screaming but outwardly you’re just eating chips
You have a thing at 2:00 PM so you set a reminder for 1:00 PM because you don’t want to be late, but you should eat by 12:00 PM. That means you should start preparing food by 11:30 AM, but you want to double check or confirm the appointment before 11:00 AM before everyone goes to lunch. So if you want to finish your other tasks by 10:00 AM, you ought to start at 8:00 AM, which means you’ve got to wake up at 7:30 AM and you may as well get ready to go out then ahead of time, and that’s how something that starts at 2:00 PM effectively starts at 7:30 AM and lasts the entire day.
ME. ME. ME.
Literally how I plan my day when I have a thing
This is literally just being a functional adult with basic organisation and planning skills.
It isn’t some special *thing*
No, it’s not. This post is about my executive dysfunction. It’s my performance anxiety and my depression. It’s dozens of people with ADHD in the comments remarking that this is the only way they can make appointments– often with each stage of this process tied to an alarm. Many of those people routinely fail even with that forethought. It’s people with chronic pain or disability who clock every activity in their day by how long it takes, when they have to prepare, how long they’ll have to stand or work, etc.
I am sure “functional adults with basic organization and planning skills” go through a milder experience of this thought process. But it’s comfortable to them– not something they think twice about, let alone make a post about. I made this post when I was dreading going to get my hair cut. A haircut. I made this post because I was reflecting about how crazy a simple visit to the salon was making me. It was an appointment I called for myself, on my own terms, an experience I enjoy and actively wish I did more often. But I don’t. Because making appointments is so hard for me, because I have executive function problems. It’s been about 9 months since my last haircut.
I almost flubbed college because I dreaded meeting with a single professor once at the beginning of a semester even though I wanted to.
I haven’t gone to the doctor since I got new insurance. I just struggled for three weeks to bring myself to arrange for a mandatory safety recall upgrade for my car so its airbag won’t explode into metal shards and kill me if I’m in an accident. I often fail to go out, to arrange meetups with my friends, to achieve my personal functional goals simply because all of that is going through my head whenever I have to make simple appointments or complete basic tasks.
Does that sound like “literally just being a functional adult with basic organization and planning skills?”
That autistic / ADHD feel when you want to do… something.
I call this “activity cravings” because it’s like when you want a certain food but you aren’t sure which food. But for activities.
Do I want to go for a walk? Play a game? If so, what kind of game? DO I want to make things? Read? Watch tv? A movie?
then when that executive dysfunction comes into play and since you could do literally anything in the world, you end up trapped and unable to choose anything to do at all, and do nothing instead but live in that restlessness
One of the best additions to this post yet. This is one of those nuances of choice paralysis that people fail to understand – sometimes it is because we lack the executive function to choose, sometimes we want to do all the things and can’t choose.
And, if your depressive anhedonia kicks in, even if you DO decide on something, you quit 10 minutes later because the thing just isn’t doing it for you.
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god this post is such a mood, all the time
Me on my days off from work
Do I have “I’m Not Being Productive Enough” fatigue or “I Need A Break From Productivity” fatigue?
Will I become an overworked wreck or an underworked anxiety ball? tune in next w
