consider this: Heaven is not happy about the whole Angel And A Demon deal, so they pull some “A Thousand Words” shit where if Aziraphale sees or tries to communicate in any way with Crowley he loses one of his feathers until he Falls, hoping that’ll keep them apart
Litcherally
bold of you to assume Falling is anywhere near painless
frankly hell as an operation functions much better than heaven, despite forcing Every demon to work out of their mother’s musty basement with a leak and one shared lightbulb. like, crowley actually had to report back about what he did. when he meets hastur & ligur in the cemetery, they all share their “evil deeds” of the day. crowley had to give a presentation about the m25. hell not only had to jumpstart the chattering order of st beryl and work out the plan to deliver the antichrist, but also handle the hellhound. heaven did basically nothing & knew nothing….. aziraphale gave away the flaming sword and no one noticed? gabriel checked in on aziraphale and was like “gross sushi” and hightailed it out of there? they knew so little about earth they thought it was appropriate to talk/buy porn in a soho bookshop ?? tbhhhh if anyone was in jeopardy of losing their job during those 6000 years it wasn’t aziraphale
Aziraphale got one rude note in 1790 and that was it. Like some poor angelic secretary got handed his P-Card folder and was like, “Holy shit – the dates on these receipts go back to 4,000 BCE? They really expect me to dig through every single miracle this minor principality has ever performed since the dawn of recorded time and make sure they all add up? Just… fuck, I don’t know. Just tell him to do fewer miracles. Put on a sticky note that says ‘you’re over your monthly allowance of miracles.’” And then she promptly shoved the folder to the back of the shelf and no one ever mentioned it again.
going off of this, I can imagine crowley explaining away so many of his minor miracles that hell is sufficiently explanationed out, bc no matter how ridiculous his excuses are, they make sense and it’s infuriating and it’s at the point where they really really just don’t care anymore
hell secretary, surrounded by stacks of dirty & damp paper, smoking a cigarette: no I don’t want to know why you made hamlet popular just shut up & leave
crowley, leaning heavily on the desk, sending papers toppling: no no you have to hear. don’t you want to hear? seriously. you have to. it’s bc now he’ll be known primarily for his dramas and not his comedies, isn’t that just diabolical? I mean—
secretary: sure.
crowley: just think, generations of misery from one minor miracle!
I know people have made observations about the fact that Hell grants Crowley a trial, but Heaven immediately condemns Aziraphale, which says a lot about the nature of forgiveness – or lack thereof – in Heaven.
But even the way they treat them upon condemnation is so different:
Beelzebub: Do you have anything to say before we take our vengeance?
