It’s hilarious watching non-Americans react to this with fear because I read it just nodding along like “yes, in fact this is How Things Are, there you go”
If you ask an American how they are and they respond “Super.” that means they want to die
ACCURATE
And if you add the F word (example: Fucking great, fucking fine, fucking awesome), it creates a feeling of seriousness. It amplifies the intention of the word. Fucking great would go in a negative way to mean “(this) is very bad.” Fucking fine would go in a negative way as well and comes to man “(this) is horrible.” Fucking awesome would be positive and would come to mean “(this) is the truly amazing/great/awesome!”
I enjoy using “fucking stellar!” to mean “horrible” and “amazing” because shit just be like that.
I feel like any of those could be good or bad, depending on if the tone is excited or sarcastic. Either way, the fucking amplifies it
oh sure when americans say forever it means 30 minutes but brits think 2 hours is a long bus ride so
Moving tip: the first thing you should bring into the new house is a roll of toilet paper. The second thing is drinking glasses or water bottles. The third thing is curtains or blinds. Then everything else.
Nope, router first. Otherwise agreed.
Router last. Otherwise this happens:
I’m on my 11th house in 23 years and here’s what should be in your “first” box:
Toilet roll,
Kettle,
Tea/coffee,
Mugs (enough for the number of people helping you to move),
A bottle opener (wine or beer at your discretion)
Disposable plates and cutlery (because the last thing you want to do once you’ve unpacked is wash up)
This was the system perfected by my parents who’ve lived in about 40 houses between them.
ADDITION:
When you get to your new place send someone out for milk for the teas and coffees also maybe biscuits.
Order takeaway your first night. I’m told in America the traditional moving dinner is pizza. We’ve always had a Chinese.
First Box: keep this box handy, pack it while you’re packing and put it in the truck LAST, or up in the front with you so you can get to it right away:
TP and toilet plunger. Hopefully you won’t need the plunger on the first night but it’d be AWFUL to have to look for it in case of emergency.
kette/coffee maker and necessary hot beverage supplies. Including Mugs. Caffeination is Key.
Your fave pan and spatula. You have one. You won’t use it the first night but I promise that you will NOT be done unpacking the kitchen stuff before you’re sick of takeout.
Duct Tape
Batteries
Cleaning supplies- paper towels, all-purpose cleaner, duster- houses get gross when left alone
Router, becuase we’re millenials and we’re going to be googling how to fix/turn on and assemble everything.
Enough bedding to cover your mattress while you sleep on it for the first few nights.
cell phone/laptop chargers
change of clothes, maybe two
If you have some kind of water filter that also fits in this box, bring that.
PURCHASE, FIRST NIGHT:
When you’re getting takeout, get the disposable plates/flatware/cups. Also get takeout sooner rather than later so you don’t collapse of hypoglycemia in the middle of unloading boxes like me, a moron.
I personally reccomend chinese.
If you’ve moved to an area where it’s not safe to drink the tap water unflitered and you’re a dummy like me that forgot to put your filter in the First Box, get enough bottled water to stay hydrated until you can get your filter set up.
milk, eggs, your preferred cooking fat, other meal/pantry staples.
Something fun like cookies or booze. You’ve had a tough day.
If you forgot the TP/batteries/duct tape/cleaning supplies, get those.
To Do Upon Arrival, even before unpacking:
Get there about an hour before the moving truck and do the following:
Re-check all the lights/taps/toilet/appliances/AC/Heater. Things might have happened and you’ll want to call the repair guy ASAP if something needs fixing.
Introduce yourself to your neighbors if they’re home. This will help prevent things like parking issues or noise complaints, there’s a good chance they’ll actually help, and if you’re REALLY lucky they’ll cook and you don’t have to get takeout.
Also if you do need to call a repair guy they probably know someone.
clean up any obvious messes before they get blocked by boxes.
Hydrate and have a snack before lifting.
DO NOT ATTEMPT ON DAY 1
Keep all pets and probably young children contained/boarded/at a friend or relative’s house until all the boxes and furniture is inside to prevent escape.
Hell, you’re probably exhausted. Leave them with grandma overnight.
Do Not Attempt to assemble disassembled furniture on day one. you will do it wrong and possibly slice your hand open with the allen wrench somehow and have to go to the urgent care
try not to go to the urgent care in general.
Don’t bother answering any email, texts, voicemails or nonemergency forms of communication. you’re busy. Possibly you are busy eating chinese and crying, but you are busy.
Exercise. you already did a ton of heavy lifting and cardio. don’t go jogging and pass out in an unfamiliar neighborhood.
Reccomended:
If you own the place or feel confident enough in your spackle and paint abilities to get your damage deposit back, put a nail in a wall and hang something up. It’s your space now.
If you don’t, hang something up with blue tac anyway. Still your space.
I hate shipwrecks in Minecraft bc they imply that there is/was some form of intelligent life in Minecraft before the player…… It’s clearly not villagers bc they can’t even build a village properly…… Who are these mysterious ship builders and where did they go…..
actually the more i think ab it the more beautiful and lonely the world gets. i developed this interpretation after mineshafts where added but even before that, the temples buried by sand? trapped caverns in jungles? even in other worlds, fortresses in hell itself now only guarded by skeletons? houses in the end only accessible by portal after defeating the dragon? all relics of a past race thats been mysteriously wiped. the villagers dont know perhaps, they see you and assume your one of them. different perhaps, your nose is much to short and face much to squished, your language garbled complexities they have yet to decode, but thats fine to them. you have things they want and they have things you want. perhaps they will one day, long after you get tired of this world, uncover those past relics as well. perhaps they will recognize the stories passed down, perhaps they will lament not trying to understand you, to find the missing pieces of the race before them now entirely gone.
or something like that. im v tired
In the deserts under the sand you can find bone blocks making up massive skeletons of unknown creatures
there was something before us, giant and unknown wandering the world.
