Tag: Story time

witch-of-the-west-country:

darecrow:

Imagine going to a party and the white suburban stay at home mom with two overachiever kids and white dad who barbeques but doesn’t know how to barbeque and yet is always surrounded by other white Dads who compliment his barbqeuing even though they’re just store bought preshaped frozen patties from Ralph’s or Food 4 Less and while he’s cooking those the white mom comes out and says “okay kids, here’s some pizza!” And she pulls this out and starts telling the kids why its a “fun pizza” and then cries in her master bedroom when no one likes it or finishes it and the white dad is then consoling her why she sobs that she’s a terrible mother and ruined her fourth grade straight B+ sons birthday and thinks her kids hate her but they don’t care but she continues crying softly into her pillow while the children eat poorly cooked burgers with unmelted kraft singles and too much mayonnaise and the only other condiments are two pickles and pepper because the dad calls it his special burger with a secret spice but the spice was just pepper and the kids just keep playing E rated games on their Nintendo Wii while the 17 year old older sister starts cleaning the tragedy up and throwing away uneaten “fun pizza” and whole burgers dejected from the start while she dials Pizza Hut to get these kids an actual birthday lunch and the mother then throws a fit because the daughter did something the kids liked and she didn’t and was the only one making a huge deal out of it and the daughter was then grounded from her TV in her room for only two days and the son went to blow out the candles in his standard birthday cake from food 4 less the mom added strawberries to so she could feel she did something but was still slightly teary and sad because her day was ruined by no one wanting to eat her “fun pizza”

Mom is doing her best trying to get actual nutrients into her kids but has been fooled by Pinterest moms who raised their kids on fresh fruit into believing the “fun pizza” will work and she knows she failed and hates herself and once her babies are in bed she will console herself with prosecco and/or pink gin to fill the gaping chasm in her life.

I’m here for that deluded mom she needs help and hugs x

There are at least 4 ingredients on that fun pizza that will guarantee that I will have a not-so-fun time.

It looks amazing though.

My kids would probably love it.

*slides into your dm’s* hi hope :) how’s it going hope :) no i’m not dead :) I was wondering, in case nobody’s asked you yet and you have the time and will to do it…45 or 58 for the drabble challenge? one or the other or both? tysm ily <3 -kaleb

the-great-escapism:

58. “You smell like a wet dog.”

“What do you mean you’ve never played in the rain before?” Peter asks, giving Tony an incredulous look.

Tony shrugs. “I’ve been caught in the rain before, which is basically the same thing, and I’d imagine it’s just as unpleasant.”

“But that’s different!” Peter protests. “When you’re caught in the rain, of course it’s unpleasant! You didn’t, like, consent to it.”

Tony stares at him, eyebrows raised. “Excuse me?”

Peter cringes, face reddening. “Okay, not the best way I could have phrased that. But you know what I mean.”

“I really don’t think I do,” Tony tells him, eyes sparkling with amusement at the look on the kid’s face. It doesn’t last long, though. Peter’s face brightens suddenly with excitement, and Tony groans inwardly.

“Well, there’s no time like the present to fix that!” Peter says enthusiastically, looking to where the rain is pattering against the window.

This time Tony groans audibly. “Absolutely not. I’m – busy. Paperwork. You know how it is in the life of a genius, billionaire, philanthropist. Sorry, it can’t be helped,” Tony says, not sounding sorry at all.

Peter crosses his arms over his chest and scowls. “Come on, this is the best time for it! There’s not even any lightening or thunder.”

Tony toys with his tablet to avoid looking Peter straight in his puppy eyes, knowing that as soon as he does, the battle will be lost. “Sorry, kid. Things to do. Places to be.”

“You’ve been sitting here for the last two hours watching Cap’s PSA videos on repeat and laughing,” Peter points out. “I’ll tell Pepper about that time you lost control of your gauntlet and burnt a hole through her favorite painting and had to pay for the original artist to replicate it,” he threatens smugly.

“Oh, you little shit.” Tony narrows his eyes at him. He huffs, feeling himself already giving in. Brat. “Fine. But only for a minute.”

“Yes!” Peter cheers triumphantly, grabbing Tony’s arm and hauling him to his feet. “It’s be great, I promise.” The kid looks so damn excited as he drags them to the door leading outside the Compound that Tony can’t help the small smile that comes to his face.

Tony stops them right before they step out, staring dubiously at the falling rain. “Is this really necessary?”

“It’s practically a rite of passage, old man,” Peter insists.

“Um, who do you think you’re call-” Tony doesn’t get a chance to finish before Peter flings the door open and tugs him into the rain. “Jesus, that’s cold!”

Peter just laughs loudly and runs forward, holding out his arms enthusiastically as rain quickly starts soaking through his clothes. Tony curses under his breath as the cold water seeps to his skin, and he shivers lightly.

“Don’t be a baby, Mr. Stark!” Peter taunts with a mischievous look on his face. He quickly darts a hand out and taps Tony’s arm, and Tony gives him a baffled look. “Tag, you’re it!” Peter calls before running off.

Tony closes his eyes for a second, wondering how the hell his life has come to this. “Really? Oh, that’s not childish at all!” Tony says sarcastically, but Peter just looks back at him with a dopey smile.

And all at once, it hits Tony: Peter still is a kid. He just rarely gets a chance to act like one. Tony shakes his head and wipes the water out of his eyes, grumbling, “I’m too old for this,” before taking off after the kid.

Peter yelps delightedly, slipping and sliding on the wet grass as he runs. It’s an unfair game from the start – Peter is younger and more sure-footed as he runs, while Tony is struggling not to fall and bust his knees.

Sure enough, Tony hits a slippery patch of mud, and his feet skid before he loses his footing entirely. “Shit!” he curses loudly, and Peter stops and looks at him, eyes wide.

“Mr. Stark, are you -” Peter starts to go to his aid, but Tony pushes himself up on his elbows, cringing at the squelching sound. He doesn’t need to look to know he’s covered in mud. He glares at Peter, who looks like he’s biting back a laugh now that he sees Tony’s okay.

“You, Mr. Parker, are entirely too clean,” Tony tells him, and the smile dies from Peter’s face as horror takes over. Tony smirks playfully and lurches to his feet. He commands his suit to form around his feet and hands, letting it lift him into the air and hover above the ground.

“Wait, that’s not fair!” Peter whines, already taking off across the field.

Tony flies after him, staying close to the ground. “Who said anything about fair?”

As Tony gets closer, Peter starts zig-zagging, and Tony lets out a bark of laughter. “I’m not a damn crocodile, Pete! That’s not going to help you.” Tony reaches out to grab him, but Peter ducks his head out of the way and tries to double back.

“I don’t think so!” Tony flips in the air and follows him.

“Oh, come on!” Peter exclaims in exasperation. “It’s not my fault you can’t keep up and fell!”

Tony laughs in disbelief. “Well, now you’ve done it. No mercy from me, kiddo.”

Tony lines up next to Peter and snags his arm, retracting the pieces of his suit and letting them both fall to the ground, angling himself so Peter doesn’t take the brunt of the fall.

Peter yelps loudly and wiggles, trying to escape Tony’s grip as the man carefully pushes Peter into the mud, laughing at the look of disgust on his face.

Mr. Stark!” Peter yells, swatting his mentor away, even as he grins widely, accepting his defeat. Content that the kid is now just as dirty as him, Tony pushes himself to his feet and holds out a hand to Peter, who clumsily pulls himself up.

“You played dirty!” Peter accuses him, giving Tony a mock pout.

“Literally, it seems,” Tony jokes. Peter rolls his eyes. “Oh, come here,” Tony says, slinging an arm around the kid and pulling him to his side.

“No, I’m mad at you.” Peter bats at his arm half-heartedly, even as he leans into the embrace.

“No, you’re not,” Tony says matter-of-factly, ruffling his hair as they head back into the building and out of the rain. He scrunches his nose. “You smell like a wet dog.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Peter says pointedly.

“Uh… yours, actually. It was your idea to play in the rain,” Tony reminds him.

“Whatever,” Peter says, and Tony laughs.

“Come on, kid. Let’s get changed before Pepper comes in and yells at us for tracking mud into the building.”

lynnafred:

castielcampbell:

danielkanhai:

i hate when customers at work hand me a 100 dollar bill and then scoff when i check the watermark. like, lady, i will break out the counterfeit pen. i’ll draw your god damn portrait over benjamin franklin’s before i make a ruling. i’ll get a second opinion from a coworker on the opposite side of the store. i’ll call the mint like, “heyy…it’s daniel…you guys print any hundreds lately? i got a lady here with a hundred, just making sure it’s one of yours…haha cool just checking. so how are the wife and kids?” the people that make a fuss are always like, obviously rich too and you know that’s why they have a problem. like the nerve of me to doubt a rich person’s money. how dare i lump them in with a normal person with a hundred dollar bill. eventually one of them is going to let it slip. i’ll take the bill from them and go to hold it up to the light or feel it between my fingers or something and they’ll laugh and go, “oh, no, no no no i’m wealthy.”

i had a co-worker catch a counterfeiter. back then we all had “truth teller” pens. and the rule was “anything over a ten gets checked if you’re not comfortable with it” but not everyone did it. but this girl was hard core about her pen. especially if she got a bad feeling from a customer. girlfriend had TWO truth teller pens in case one gave a false positive.

this couple come through her line with a lot of stuff and they acting like they are in a hurry. this was the wrong thing to say to this girl. you say that to her and she goes slower cause it freaks her out.

she finally gets to the end and the guy hands her a bunch of 20′s. first she straightened them out and counted them, and then she took her pen out. when i used it i made a little flower so that i would know that i did it. she made a swirly. the first swirly came back black, the second swirly came back black. she got out the SECOND truth teller pen and scribbled a like down the center of the bills…. black as coal.

she was freaking out. dude look like he was intense. she very politely asked if he had another form of payment as she would not be able to accept his money. “WHY NOT?!”

*gulp*

“cause it’s not real, sir.”

“MONEY IS FUCKING REAL! YOU BETTER GET MANAGEMENT OVER HERE! MY MONEY IS AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE!!”

she very quickly walked over to the phone and paged, and her voice, was so tinged with panic that everyone, even CUSTOMERS stopped dead in their tracks and listened to the page. 

you’d never seen a page answered so quickly. it was prolly ringing before she put the phone back on the receiver. “what’s wrong? what’s going on? are you in danger? are you okay?”

and she told them that no, she wasn’t okay,, her customer was screaming and cursing at her and his money wasn’t real and she had no idea what to do now, this wasn’t covered in the CBL’s! 

this got manangement on their feet. “stay call, take a deep breath, we’ll be there in 5 seconds with back up. it’s going to be okay. just breathe.”

which is easier said than done with a man that weighs 150 lbs more than you is screaming his ever loving head off. even the retiree door greeter came over and stood by her just as a show of solidarity, she couldn’t really have done anything, but she was a witness, and sometimes that’s enough to get people to back down.

it must have felt like a hour later, but it was about 2-3 minutes before the store managers came walking down the aisle with the popo trailing behind them. the cops were soooooo happy to see him. 

one member of management took over the register as the other led the cashier off to sit and collect herself, while the cops talked to the guy and eventually arrested both the guy and the girl. (apparently they’d been looking for them)

management was so fucking happy that she caught him because he had like 300 dollars in funny money and she caught him dead to rights. they calmed her down, thanked her profusely, gave her the rest of the day off with pay, and called her bf or mother or someone to get her home, because she was shaking like a leaf and they didn’t want to her to get hurt on her way home.

So yes, i will use my pen when i have too. i’ll hold them fuckers up to the light to make sure that the right pressie is in the corner pocket.

don’t fuck with the money honey it just don’t pay.

When I was a manager for a large craft store chain, I had a customer pay with a $100 bill. One of those new ones, the blue ones that look more like they belong in a game of Monopoly than in your wallet, and there was something… Off… About it.

The watermark of Ben Franklin on the bill looked like the shittiest line art of a man you’d ever seen. It was horrendous. But it passed my marker test, so I had to give the guy his change and with a smug grin and $50 worth of Copic markers, he left.

I thought about it all night and into the next day, when the local weed dealer came in to buy his baggies. See, jewelry baggies are cheaper than ziplocks despite being the same fucking thing, and I was the only one who would treat the guy like a normal fuckin dude, so as we were chatting as I rang him out, I sighed and said, “I got a counterfeit hundo the other day.” And I told him about what I’d gone through. I told him what the guy looked like, what he bought, how he acted in line. And when I was handing him his receipt, I said, “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, man, but just watch out for any suspect looking Benjamins over the next few weeks.” I gave him one of the counterfeit markers and told him that they wouldn’t do any good, but he could have one anyway.

I guess I just wanted to tell someone about it, because I stopped thinking about it after that.

Until the day I got a call from the pot dealer about a month later. He was furious. Someone had ripped him off in over $250 of weed, and they’d done it with–yup–fake Benjamins. He gave me the guy’s name, his description, everything. And then, at the very end, he added, “I’m luring him downtown for a drug deal. Call the fucking cops.”

So I did.

The cops swooped in and grabbed the guy, and not only did they find my Copic markers that he’d bought from the store, he found similar high ticket items from other stores in the area. The cops came back, returned me my markers, and asked how I knew to tip them off.

I told them it was a lucky guess.

And that’s how a drug dealer and a junior store manager bagged a counterfeiter.

lana–22:

what-even-is-thiss:

queencatradora:

tryingmygoshdangdarndest:

bleachtrippin:

queencatradora:

queencatradora:

queencatradora:

i went to the dentist today and my dentist honest to god said “can i ask you a question…….what the hell is in your mouth”

it was in awe lmao

then the hygienist and assistant all came over to look too and they were like “wooooow” and my ass was sitting there like

oh my god i posted this and then went to work, and

story time

okay so to preface this, my hometown where i’m originally from is a really fucking weird place. like from the outside it seems like a normal suburban town, but once you’re there for awhile you get the feeling that’s something’s not…quite all together. a lot of people are really fucking weird there — so much so that that was a running joke in school growing up, that people in the town were just like that. everyone knew not to go out to the farm lands surrounding the town especially at night, we called it “the cuts” and people used to disappear out there all the time or get shot at by the especially weird people that would live out there. the news was and still is truly a thing of horror. every time i come back i’m regaled with even more stories of crazy shit that has happened there.

to put it in perspective we generally never had “normal crime” like robbery or anything like that when i lived there, though that did happen sometimes. the news stories were always like, “a kid was kidnapped by local residents and tortured in a house around the corner,” “a random person was chased down and shot for sport in a really nice neighborhood,” “someone was gored to death by a bull while out car shopping,” etc. (these are all real, btw). everyone does drugs and the whole town is located really close to a government site where they test nuclear weapons and chemicals and shit. this is how i grew up, in this bizarre environment.

i need to preface it this way so that you get that it’s weird. it’s a fucking weird place. i used to listen to the welcome to night vale podcast and make comparisons from it to my hometown, that’s how weird it is.

i only say this so you know that this town is where i got my orthodontics from.

all the kids in my town went to this one particular orthodontist. i also used to go to a dentist in town that a lot of people went to as well. i had a permanent retainer put on my bottom teeth after braces and no one had ever said anything to me about the model of retainer itself or it being weird type of retainer at all. i saw a ton of other people (mostly other kids that were my age at the time) that had the same type of retainer as me too so i never thought about it.

so i kept my retainer in — it’s never caused me problems and it keeps my teeth straight, why not?

however i went to a dentist for the first time in a metropolitan area now, and when he saw it in my mouth his literal first reaction was to say “uh can i ask you a question….what the hell is that”

LITERALLY the words that he said

which in hindsight makes almost too much sense. of course my town of all towns would put these weird unnecessary contraptions in kids’ mouths, and of course it happened so much that everyone just thought it was normal. that sounds exactly, to a T, like my hometown.

my permanent bottom retainer is apparently this prototype that is so rare that he’s literally never seen it before in his life, not in dental school, nowhere. it’s not that it’s an outdated type, it’s just rare as fuck. they were still staring at pictures of it on my chart in wonder when i left the office.

so just know somewhere out there, in a weird ass suburban town where they test nuclear weapons and a good portion of the residents go fucking nuts, there’s probably hundreds of people still walking around with this same contraption in their mouth that exists nowhere else in the world thinking, “yeah, that’s cool. that makes sense. let me go drink the definitely not-contaminated water now and never move away from here.”

This sounds like an X-files episode

Okay, so I looked into it and I think that the town is Tracy, California.

I looked up the bull-murder thing OP mentioned and Tracy seemed to be only town that came up with a matching case. Though the man didn’t actually die from his injuries everything else matches up one for one. So just to make sure that it was the right town I looked to see if there was any murder-torture of young people in Tracy, and unfortunately there was. It was a 17 year old boy who escaped and survived the torture. And just to solidify that it was in fact Tracy I looked up shootings in residential areas and there was one of a 20 year old man who was shot and killed in a nice neighborhood.

Okay, but I decided to look into Tracy more to find out more information about it and the town is super suspicious. There’s been a lot of murders and shooting in the town. Back in 2009 an 8 year old girl, Sandra Cantu, was kidnapped and murdered by a Sunday school teacher who said she had no idea why she killed Sandra. Another case happened in 2018 when four underage boys were shot and one was killed by four teenage boys. There’s a lot of news stories on shootings, homicides, and drug busts in that town. It’s a really cute town from the outside, if you just look up Tracy, California there’s a lot of really cute businesses and nice articles on sweet things that happen in the town, but if you actually look into it the town is really sketchy.

So yeah, this sketchy town with a military base, multiple homicides and shootings is maybe Tracy, California.

………………..yeah, you guys caught me

i grew up in tracy

also i have to add another person’s tags to this since it’s honesty hour because they’re hilarious and true

Honestly I wasn’t even surprised when I found out it was in California. Even less surprised when googled it and found out it was near the Bay Area. That sounds about right.

Apparently the motto is “Think Inside the Triangle” and I’m not sure how to feel about that.

kurlyfryz:

krystalprism:

phantomrose96:

phantomrose96:

ghostfiish:

phantomrose96:

phantomrose96:

You know those anime meta posts along the lines of “I was born with pink hair. The doctors told my parents I was a Main Character and ever since my life has not known peace from demons/spirits/sports competitions/harems who find me”

Well I see that, and I raise you this:

An anime boy whose appearance is, by absolutely anyone’s account, completely and utterly average. Mundane hair. Mundane eyes. Not even glasses to set him the tiniest bit apart. A simple, unmemorable, unrecognizable civilian among a backdrop of millions.

And he has a lot of passions, and a lot of ambitions, which he hones every chance he gets. He’s dabbled in sports and archery and cooking and just about anything you could wrap a competition around. And he’s competed in many of these. Every chance he gets. With all of his passion and all of his might.

He’s crushed by the competition every single time.

Until one day–one day something clicks for him. Something that should have seemed obvious from the start and yet never was–as though everyone, including himself, was unwittingly blind to it. It clicks, when he realizes every kid who’s beaten him in competition, every kid who’s gone on to fame and glory and acclaim, has been some candy-haired gel-spiked ridiculously-dressed fucker. 

There’s some trend there that this Main Character boy can’t explain and can’t understand but he decides, this one time, fuck it. He’ll play along too. He’s got a model train competition in four days, and he’s got nothing more to lose. He hits up the department store, buys the pinkest, noxious-est, fruitiest hair dye he can find, the spikiest hair gel available, and the gaudiest clothes on the thrift rack. He enters the model train competition looking like a bubble gum gijinka.

And he wins.

Suddenly, the other candy-haired contestants notice him. They talk to him. They pledge rivalries. Girls notice him. Judges applaud him. Acclaimed model train aficionados offer him internships across the world. He’s hit on something

The main cast expands to cover just about every candy-hair cliche in the book: from the mostly-normal-looking demure school girl with the blue hair to the Naruto-est, yelling-est boy with the red-and-green spiked hair. The cool megane senpais, the purple haired tsunderes, suddenly everyone is interested in him. They’re prodigies and upstarts and underdogs and they truly believe that this main character boy is one of them.

So the main character boy maintains his ruse. He touches up his roots at dawn every morning and carefully attends to his gelled spikes and tells absolutely no one about this great, uncanny, unfathomable secret he’s stumbled upon. He wins his competitions left and right. He racks up the acclaim. He’s hailed as a prodigy of all trades, just now bursting onto the scene, and boils to the top of all his candy-haired peers.

He’s rising up, his every dream within his grasp. Until one day he gets a note under his door, taped to an old picture of his Normal Boring self from middle school, that says “You don’t belong”

There’s an international competition, and Main Character-kun and all his candy-haired rivals/peers/nakama/friends are being housed in the same hotel.

The night before the competition, some ungodly scream sounds from the Naruto-kid’s room. The rest of the cast rush in, flick on the lights, and find Naruto-kid sitting up in bed, his hair completely flat and utterly black, a pair of DIY salon gloves discarded next to his bed. He races to the mirror across the room, hands hovering in shock around his straightened hair, as though unable to recognize the boy staring back at him.

It’s… an unsettling act of personal vandalism, but Naruto-kid seems unhurt. After verifying he’s okay and reporting it to hotel security, most of the kids are content to go back to their own rooms and just double-check their own locks.

Most seem content…. Not all…

The next day, Naruto-kid is eliminated from the competition nigh-instantly. He’s given no chance to monologue about his ambitions, his friends, his hometown.  Not even a second spared for a flashback to the bullying that became the formative motivator of his childhood.  

No. He’s summarily eliminated by another candy-haired contestant. Naruto-kid, with his suddenly unassuming black hair, is dismissed from the arena. And Main Character-kun is distressed. 

There’s a murderer on the loose. Just in no traditional sense. Another kid is shaved bald in the middle of the night, and eliminated from the competition the next day. Colored contact lenses go missing, and suddenly the red-eyed yandere girl doesn’t have a leg to stand on. She’s sent home without the slightest bit of fanfare. Someone funnels bleach into the sprinkler line, and a triggering of the fire alarm leaves a whole arena of contestants doused in the ruinous fluid. Their candy colors melt into brittle, tacky, bleachy off-orange. Not a single one survives that night’s round of eliminations.

Main Character-kun is still pink. He’s still gelled. He’s still dressed in fiery robes and platform sandals with a bandana cinched around his forehead. He hoards hair dye in his room and sleeps with one eye open. He can only watch in silence as this gruesome assassination plot unravels, without a doubt in his mind that he is the real target.

One night, there’s a knock on his door. And the twisting of a key. And the squeak of hinges swinging open. Main Character-boy’s breathing halts.  His time has come.

He looks. It’s the blue-haired girl, the quiet one with self-confidence issues. Her hair is tied into twin pigtails. She’s carrying something in her right hand.  Main Character boy braces for impact.

She flicks on the lights. He looks. They’re wigs, in her hand. Three of them. Purple Green and Orange, each primmed and poofed and curled to extravagant degrees.

“Here,” she offers, hand extended. “Take whichever you like. They’re extra.”

“Wait. Why…? What’s this–what’s happening?”

She takes a step forward, and she shuts the door behind her. With her free hand, she grips the blue hairline at her scalp, and she pulls back gently, revealing netting. She drops the blue hair to the ground, and pulls the netting free from her forehead, and a loose, unassuming bob of perfectly black, perfectly normal hair falls around her shoulders.

She’s unassuming in every possible regard, mundane in every sense, a girl to blend into the backdrop of millions.

“We’re not going home yet,” she says. “Not you, and not me.”

chrissy i want you to know im in love with this

The Comb and the Dye are in fact the real anime weapons of this series im so glad they’re wielding them as such

The Main Character girl wraps her hair back up in the
netting and fixes her blue wig back in place. She takes a seat in the nearby
desk chair and explains why she’s here. She’s suspected for a while that she and MC-kun are the
same, both normal-looking people masquerading in this candy haired world. MC-kun
had seemed just a bit too distraught during the Naruto-kid incident. That was when Main Character-chan first noticed him, and when she recognized his shade of candy pink hair by its bottle
brand.

MC-chan explains that she had lived a very normal and
unassuming life. She did Stage Crew in middle school for the drama club, always
the unnoticed extra in the background, sweeping in silently, covertly, under
darkness to handle the scene changes and wardrobe transformations.  She honed her skills making props and costumes
for the drama kids, til she was a master of needle and thread, dyes and combs,
and props built from paper and plastic.

She thinks it was that attention-to-detail she cultivated in
prop-design that let her finally See what MC-kun had seen—the Candy Haired
world around her that constantly overshadowed whatever she did.

One day, she put on the wig. And she never looked back.

But she doesn’t know who the hair assassin is either, any
more than MC-kun. There’s still strength in numbers. And she figures if they
work together, their odds of survival are greater.

MC-kun agrees.

The next day is a free day for the kids competing in this
International Competition. The morning passes with most of the contestants
montaging through a romp in the city, tasting local cuisine and window-shopping
around the market area and getting into Kodak-moment worthy shenanigans.

MC-kun and MC-chan steal away to a quiet park, sitting at a
picnic table, putting pink- and blue-heads together to talk through all the
info they have, and what options are open to them. They don’t get very far. A
glasses-wearing girl appears from behind the bushes and stops them cold.

Glasses Girl is small and wiry, mousy in her frame. She has
orange hair that poofs around her head, cropped at chin level, in a way that
reminds MC-kun vaguely of a roosting chicken. Her glasses are enormous on her
freckled face, and they capture the light, obscuring her eyes behind their
glare.

“You two… you’re fakes, aren’t you? Both of you.”

MC-kun stops cold. MC-chan spins around in her seat,
wide-eyed. “I don’t… I don’t even know what that means! Go away before we—”

Glasses Girl pulls an immaculate, highly stylized laptop
from her bag. She flips it open with one hand, propping it on the table and
typing furiously, too fast to even see her fingers. Audio begins to play from
the laptop speakers.

“We’re not going home
yet. Not you, and not me.”

“I hacked into your phone last night,” GG-chan states
simply, head tilted toward MC-kun. “I’ve heard the whole conversation.”

“How?!” MC-kun asks. He holds his phone at a distance, like
it’s suddenly venomous.

GG-chan shifts. Suddenly the glare of her glasses is no
longer obstructing her eyes. Behind the coke-bottle look is an expression of
pure brow-knitted confusion. “I don’t…. I don’t actually know. I just could.”

GG-chan was an art student. A not-very-good-at-all art
student. And a very-much-below-average competitor in sculpting competitions. She
was plain, and unassuming, and inconspicuous, and jealous of the
better-established art students around her with their own flashy styles. Her
peers wore giant non-prescription glasses; they dyed their hair bright colors
and cropped it short to perfect hipster chique.

GG-chan tried to imitate that. But as a truly-not-fantastic
artist, she couldn’t even pull that off. She dyed her hair, picked out glasses,
overshot “hipster”, and landed firmly in “geek”.

She landed so
firmly in “geek” that internationally-acclaimed hacker abilities spawned with
her makeover. Suddenly she could break into anything, override anything, hack
or fix or erase anything over a permanent wifi connection that followed her as
its hotspot.

Her laptop never loses charge. Her bash scripts never fail.
Her glasses always glint in the slightest bit of light and slide down her nose
so that she has to keep her middle finger pressed firmly to the bridge at all
times.

She’s afraid of being sent home in ruin, sent back to her
life as a mediocre art student.

GG-chan wants to join the effort to not be eliminated.

A day passes. GG-chan has hacked all the email accounts of
the registered contestants and has found nothing suspicious. MC-chan has spent
her time crafting shorter-cut wigs to give to MC-kun and GG-chan as backups.
MC-kun has been trying his best to understand what he’s gotten into. He bought
a few extra obnoxious bandanas to bolster his obnoxious outfit, as if that
might help.

They’re sitting quietly at lunch, eating in silence, with no
new information to share and no desire to attract unwanted attention from the
contestants around them.

“Ohhhhh my what is
this? Has this pathetic posse of plebeians
formed a little club oh how quaint!”

MC-chan chokes on her noodles. GG-chan startles. MC-kun
groans.

The voice belongs to a platinum-blond boy, dressed to the
nines, who’s sidled up to the table unannounced. He reeks of ambition and money
and arrogance and a very particular high-end cologne, and he laughs heartily at
his own joke. He flicks a lock of blond hair from his face, which all but
sparkles.

MC-kun recognizes this kid. He was one of the first Candy
Haired kids to declare an eternal rivalry with him.

“What’s it to you?” MC-kun challenges, already ticked off.

And the Rich Blond Rival Boy deflates. Comically. Pale and
hollow-cheeked and exhausted, suddenly leaning against their lunch table,
speaking in a rasp. “Please let me join you. I’ve been wearing this Gucci suit
for two weeks straight I don’t have any others.”

No one answers immediately. No one has anything resembling an answer.

“Then buy another suit!” MC-kun says.

“Do I look like I’m made of m o n e y to you?!”

“YES.”

“Ah ha! Yes that is the point, well you see–”
and RBR-kun pulls out a soggy PB&J from his bag, slumps into an open seat at the
table, his eyes dull and matte, solemnly chewing his lunch. “Can one of
you spot me like $1.50 for the bus ride to the competition arena tomorrow? I
spent the last of my money on this bread.”

MC-kun: “What?”

RBR-kun: “I don’t have money!”

MC-kun: “Why are you ACTING like a rich boy if you DONT
HAVE MONEY”

RBR-kun: “LOOK IT JUST KIND OF HAPPENED OKAY.”

MC-kun: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT JUST KIND OF
HAPPENED.”

And well, it just kind of happened. Rich Blond Rival Boy is
as fake as they come. He grew up in a modest household, making money over the
summer by doing yard work for neighbors. He was fairly frugal and quiet and
unassuming, until his grandma bought him a nice tux for the school dance, and
he dyed his hair platinum blond on a dare, and suddenly the world was in his
pocket.

Suddenly he had connections in high places. Suddenly he
could have wait staff doting on him at a moment’s notice. Suddenly he could summon
helicopters at the snap of his fingers, and have any product imaginable, legal
or not, air-lifted to him on a whim. Everyone was his pawn. Everything bent to
his will. Ever since then he’s been unstoppable in his ambitions.

He just doesn’t have any of the actual money to maintain this. All his cards are overdrafted. His
credit is in the toilet. Several different loan sharks technically own the
rights to his immortal soul.

Rich Blond Rival Boy wants in on the League Of Background
Characters, because he is utterly afraid of the ruin he faces if he is exposed.
If the others get assassinated, they get sent home. If RBR-kun gets
assassinated, the debtors will drag him out by his toes.

A scuffle erupts over by the lunch line. It’s over in an
instant. A shriek, a clatter, a tray and knife hitting the ground. The biker
ruffian boy with the blue mohawk lies on the floor. His shorn-off mohawk spikes
lie on the platter, as if being served to the cafeteria at large.

Worried murmurs break out in the crowd.

No one had seen the knife-yielder. 

No one had seen anything.

As if the act were committed by someone impossible to even notice.

Yooo I don’t even like anime and this is cool

^^^

fuckingconversations:

pazdispenser:

CBC made a good documentary on adult ADHD and part of it really caught me off guard because i swear they repeated verbatim my life story for the past 3 years

full programme here:

http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episodes/adhd-not-just-for-kids

My ADHD manifested in excellent in-class work. Excellent understanding in discussions. Excellent participation. 

My ADHD manifested in piles of homework left undone until the last possible minute, while I stared at them, thinking; “I want to get these done. I understand the theory. It would take 10 minutes. I want to start, why can’t I start?” 

My ADHD manifested in fantastic reading comprehension – nigh impenetrable focus on interesting topics the first time I’m reading about them. 

My ADHD manifested in a complete inability to focus on reviews or re-reads, mind skittering sideways and away whenever anything was boring or repetitive. I sat down to study, my books open, my eyes on the text, and my brain clawing its way out the back of my head to focus on something else – anything else. Focus, focus! [No.]

My ADHD manifested in Articulating wings half-finished but still beautiful, in beautiful lineart and half-hearted coloring. In stories written passionately for days until I forgot it existed and never returned. In projects started and forgotten and started and forgotten a thousand times until my bins of project supplies piled up and my bank account shriveled down. No, it will be different this time – I LOVE this new thing. This new thing is my world, my destiny, my Everything. I CREATE and CREATE and CREATE and never FINISH. 

My ADHD manifested in confusion and surprise as time slithered away, hours passing like minutes and minutes seeming endless by contrast. An inability to gauge how much time had passed, was left, a task would take. An inability to hold dates in my head, because time didn’t feel consistent or even real.

 My ADHD manifested in watching someone talk and not understanding a word they said – literally hearing sounds and translating out only nonsense. In thoughts so loud I couldn’t speak coherently. In a conversation across the room shattering an idea I was trying to hold. It’s hard to think when you’re already thinking about everything around you. 

qfantasydragon:

bunjywunjy:

yesterday for April Fool’s my workplace had a short training article on recognizing computer-generated faces from real ones and one of the tricks mentioned was “count the teeth” and I just wanted to say that it’s both ironic and kind of horrifying how society has unwittingly cycled right back to IF YE MEET A MAN ON THE ROAD, COUNT HIS FINGERS LEST YE DEAL UNKNOWING WITH A FAE 

The fae were time traveling AIs.

Fairyland? The future.

Mushroom rings were disguised time portals. Explains how people could be gone for a day and come back 100 years later– the AIs dropped them off later for fun.

The food that was so good, everything else tasted like ashes? Modern cooking laced with drugs.

The faerie “magic” was just advanced science. The only-telling-the-truth comes from an integral part of their code, Asimov-style. The fear of iron comes from a far of magnets that could be used to wipe their harddrive.

The Wild Hunt/Changlings? AI who find the whole thing hilarious. Robot humor at it’s finest. Look at the squishy extinct sapients run.

It’s late and I tied and have sent far to much thinking about this.

unpretty:

elvensemi:

unpretty:

Batman did not look up from the screens of the computer in the Batcave. “You didn’t say you were going to be in town,” he said, still typing.

“Oracle said you were out of state for work the last few days,” Nightwing said, leaning against the desk once he was close enough. As the desk was massive, this was still a significant distance from Batman. “You didn’t call me in.”

“She shouldn’t have mentioned it,” he said, still typing. Different windows were popping up onto different screens, databases and tables and terminal commands. “You have enough to worry about.”

“I can still cover a night shift or two.”

“It was handled.”

Nightwing made a sound both thoughtful and suspicious. “So,” he said, “someone stole the Batmobile.”

Batman paused. He turned his head just enough to see the Batmobile, parked exactly where he’d left it. He turned his head the other way, just enough to look at Nightwing for the first time. He’d started sitting on the desk, his toes only barely able to brush the ground.

“Not ours,” Nightwing clarified.

“Is there another one.”

“That Netflix show,” he said, and Batman did an almost-nod of acknowledgement before returning his attention back to whatever script he was running. “They had a big reveal of a new Batmobile this season, they auctioned off the old one for charity. I’m sure you heard about it.”

“What they do with their show isn’t my business,” Batman said.

“Uh-huh,” Nightwing said. “You really didn’t see any of this in the news? It’s been pretty nonstop since last night.”

“I was working.”

Nightwing put his hands on the edge of the desk, and kicked his feet upward to do a handstand apropos of nothing. “Too hard to see any news, all day.”

“I may have seen something about it,” Batman conceded.

“I’m sure you have theories about who did it.”

“It’s outside our jurisdiction.”

“Your business trip was in…” Nightwing asked, swinging off the table to stand.

“Jacksonville.”

“Did you pick that to help you get in character as Florida Man?”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“I want to know where you found a pink Batman costume in that size,” Nightwing continued.

“I didn’t.”

“The pictures are–I’m having them framed, I hope you know that.”

Batman’s mouth twitched.

“I’m so mad you didn’t call me,” Nightwing said, leaning against the desk again. “I know this place that sells rainbow Robin costumes with hotpants and a crop top–”

“Absolutely not.”

Kitty what the fuck, I knew you were writing this and that news article looked so real that I actually thought I was reading an article for about ten seconds

i comforted myself with the thought that in the future it will be a lot easier to make fake gotham gazette articles

j-ace-flicker:

injuries-in-dust:

Writing Prompt #11

Somehow, you, a perfectly ordinary human, has ended up the alpha of a pack of werewolves.

                              A Little Bit

The trick, she discovers, is kindness.

~

Werewolves are notoriously violent. They are said to “lose all autonomy” on night of the full moon, and transforming on other days still results in “heightened levels of testosterone and violence.”

If you tell someone that they are something their whole lives– if you tell a little girl that the color white is purple, that she is dumb because she writes backwards, or that she is bad because her hair or her financial situation, she will believe that. She will grow into that. If you tell a werewolf that they are evil and violent when wolves, that at their freest they are their meanest: they will believe that. They will become that. They will expect that of other werewolves and become defensive, will have bred hatred for their brethren before they ever transform.

An outsider’s perspective is sometimes needed.

And it starts, as most things do, with a child.

~

“Look,” her brown fingers forcefully unfolded from the fist it had been making. “I know what I want. I want the child you said you couldn’t even find fosters for. I already signed the paperwork!”

The social worker sighed, skin washing out under the light and wrinkles deepening. “I have to make sure. I’ve been trying to find little Zora parents for years now, but…”

“The only issue would be health issues. I can afford an unhealthy or disabled child, so that’s not an issue for me at all. I don’t get why you’re being so–”

“Zora is a werewolf.”

Silence.

Hailey took a breath. Let it out.

“So?”

The social worker smiled, “Then one more signature, and in a few weeks you will have your child, and Zora will have her home.”

Neither of them mentioned his tears. They both talked over what she would need to buy to handle a werewolf child– her werewolf child. They drank tea. She signed papers.

She would never regret that.

~

Zora had the yellow eyes of all lycans. She grinned shyly with too-sharp teeth, and fiddled with her too-long nails.

Hailey gave Zora the softest blanket she could buy, and settled her down for hot chocolate as they watched the sun set from the porch.

She had dimples and threw her hands around and enjoyed talking. And loved the color green. And brown. And blue. Maybe red was her favorite color, but pink was certainly a close second. No, wait, purple. She liked ice cream and steak and chicken and flowers that grew between the cracks of the sidewalk.

Zora was perfect.

The doctor said that Zora would transform the next full moon. To lock her in a cage. To muzzle her. To chain her up.

Hailey looked at Zora. At her large yellow eyes so filled with hope. At the way she used her too-long nails to open bags of chips or used her too-long teeth to open cans. At the sundresses she wore; pictured the paint-stained overalls. The room they had painted like a galaxy, the glow-in-the-dark stars they’d taped and hung on her ceiling.

She thought about the small, lycan-run website she made, and some controversial, revolutionary ideas it proposed.

She snorted. Yeah, right. Lock and chain her child up? No.

~

The first transformation was always painful. An online forum said nothing more than a Aspirin or two could be taken for this first Shift.

“Mom?” Zora’s lips wobbled. Her bushy hair tangled from the nervous pulling it had endured that day. “I– I don’t want to be bad, mom. Will the Shift make me bad?”

Hailey could have said anything to that, and no one would blame her. She could say it’s not you, it’s the wolf, like one website recommended. She could say yes, and every second you have to fight against the evil inside you, like one Christian-extremist group urged. She could have said anything. She said,

“No. You are good, and the wolf is a part of you, so it must be good, too.”

And it was that simple.

The moon rose. A daughter screamed, a mother cried. A mother prepared to have to wrestle her child, so much stronger than her, to have to assert an unwanted dominance.

A werewolf– too large to be a real wolf, spine to straight, claws too split, to be something so mundane. It yipped. Saw the hesitation in the mother’s eyes. Rolled onto its back, tongue lolling, and yipped again.

Hailey laughed. “Good girl! I love you so much! Want pets, or play?” A yip, the lycan bounded off. More laughter. “Play it is, then!”

~

There’d been complaints. A neighbor said they “feared for their life” and that “the lycan had attacked” her. Zora didn’t leave the backyard, despite how much she wanted to. So, once a month, they drove to a werewolf forest-reserve. They hadn’t encountered any other lycans.

Until then.

A grey wolf burst out from the bushes, snarling and snapping. Intent on Zora. Zora.

“Zora!” Hailey didn’t need to think, she was moving before words could form.

“Don’t you DARE touch my daughter!” She stood in front of Zora, arms spread wide.

That did not deter the lycan, who prowled closer. Yellow eyes. She could not hurt yellow eyes. But she must.

~

Werewolves have exceptionally large forms. A younger, adolescent lycanthrope in its Shifted form can easily tower over an adult man. These large forms are one of their greatest assets: they can overpower their prey though sheer size. It is, however, also a weakness. For, you see, their vulnerable points are that much more exposed. Which is why, if one becomes cornered by a Shifted lycanthrope, it is recommend that you strike at their diaphragm or throat, if help cannot be contacted, before absconding away as quickly as humanly (or superhumanly) possible.

~

She rushed forward, swinging her elbow and digging it into the small hollow near the creatures chest. It yowled, falling to the side. It growled and backed away.

Zora whimpered, tail between her legs and ears down. She nuzzled at her mother worriedly, terrified of the bigger werewolf and scared for her mother’s life.

“It’s okay, baby.” she hushed, holding out a spray-bottle (Zola loved to try to bite the sprays of water) like it was a gun, eyes never leaving the (violent, evil, human) attacking lycan. “See? Mommy knows what she’s doing.”

She stepped forward once. Twice. Four steps and then she hit a stride. She stood nose-to-nose with the lycan, all five-feet of her stretching tall, towering in presence if not height.

“Bad.” The lycan growled. She sprayed it twice in quick succession. “Bad.”

It blinked. Surprised.

“Now, if you wanted to play, you could have just waited!” She turned, walking purposefully in Zora’s direction. “Come along, now.”

They did come along, by lunging. Zora howled, bunching up her muscles and preparing to attack, but Hailey whirled around, spraying their face. “Don’t be mean! We don’t want to fight. I have steak, and am willing to share. But only to those who play. Nice.” They considered, head tilting, before thumping to the ground and rolling over, whining.

Hailey laughed, but wiped the anxious sweat from her forehead. “Okay, let’s go!”

~

The next full moon, the black-and-white wolf found her, a pack behind them, all barking and waiting for plays and pets and meat.

~

The full moon after that, everyone fell asleep just before the sun rose, and Hailey met them as people.

Hardin was the black-and-white, and she was alpha. Or rather, she had been.

“What.” Hailey couldn’t comprehend.

“My name used to be Phir’Hilaaya, but now it is Hardin. Normal pack members are given two-syllable names. The Alpha gets three-syllables. As previous Alpha, I name you Melora.” Hardin was gigantic in her human form, as well. Hulking muscles, and she stood at least at six-foot. Her yellow eyes had become softer than when Hailey– Melora?–

“Okay, yeah. I get that part. But how did I become Alpha?” She bit her lip, held Zora closer to her.

Hardin gave her a look like she was particular stupid, but humored her regardless. “That first night, I showed my belly to you. An Alpha can never submit to an opponent, else they lose their place. I submitted to you, so you are Alpha.”

Hailey hunched in on herself, and whispered, “I don’t know how to be Alpha.”

“That’s okay,” Hardin put an arm around her shoulders, giving her a kind smile, “I’ll help you get on your feet.”

Melora stood taller. Looked at her daughter. And knew.

~

Melora’s pack was not the first to fight for werewolf rights. No, they were simply the first to have a human leading the pack, and for that human-Alpha to be dating the previous Alpha.

As they strode towards a better world, a better life, Melora suggested, “Maybe we can help the vampire community, once we make more progress here.”

Hardin, bouncing Zora on her hip, barked a laugh, “You’re too good. But wherever you go, we’ll follow.” Howls broke out around the Alpha.

Hailey, now Melora, had known she wouldn’t regret this.

A little bit of kindness goes a long way.

~Fin~

Oh, geeze. This was supposed to be a little thing, but I wrote six pages on google docs for this and hrrrggghhh. I didn’t get to include everything I wanted, otherwise it would have taken hours longer! I hope this is something like you were imagining for your prompt idea. I wish I had more time to do things for this, but it wasn’t meant to be D: 

This isn’t written in my usual style, but it was fun. I hope anyone reading this enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

tumblunni:

batzendrick:

updatebug:

Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like: 

“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?” 

“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.” 

“…Noted.” 

“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material – however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.” 

“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”

“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”

“Yeah.”

“Does such a process not hurt?”

“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.” 

“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?” 

“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?” 

“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.” 

I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs.

Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues