i am having the time of my life on this website. i’m just dangling from the monkey bars, careening on the swings, the whole playground’s burning and i’m just playing in the sand
i have very long arms
While also on the swings too let’s not forget that
Oh shit how could I forget
I have to use my phone now but I must amend my mistake
All better
Fuck wait it’s also on fire
There we go
NICE
and here we see our gaud in its not so natural habitat having the time of its life
Idk why, but I originally inagined the whole scene during nightime, You’re walking down the street, right around the corner, and ist dark and most things are hard to see, but that hard to miss, because there is this pink blob, playing around, and the whole thing is on fire, and its dangling around, like weird, pink, Lovecraftian spagetti,
BOTH VERSIONS ARE EQUALLY CONSISTENT WITH MY CHARACTER
i had just finished my face paint, which consisted of sickly greenish skin above a gaping, painted-on maw of sharpened teeth. i checked the bathroom mirror.
it was terrifying.
“perfect.” i whispered
i threw on my costume of a raggedy dress and flower crown for my altered “corpse bride” look, grabbed my pillowcase, checked my phone, and headed out.
it was time.
i walked the few blocks down to the rich neighborhood near my house. i got a good haul from the first few houses.
but then…
I heard them
i can’t really describe it in words. you would’ve had to hear it. it was like a mumble at first, getting louder and louder until I couldn’t hear my own thoughts over the whispers. all these voices, screaming at me and somehow still whispering.
then….they seemed to die down. the number of voices lessened until there was one, singing “this is halloween”. it must have noticed me, because it stopped.
it only said one word.
“who?”
“well….m-my name i-i-is Sophia. You ca-can call me…Sophie?” i said, surprised I hadn’t shit my pants yet. the voice was like satan himself was talking perfectly in time with the sweetest old granny you ever met.
“good name. what Miss Sophie doing near gaud’s wood?”
i didn’t know if I had misheard the voice. i looked around. everyone seemed to have left. just me and the still-disembodied voice.
“did you just call yourself God? Like, Bible and crap?”
“NO! GAUD, g-a-u-d! …”
did it just…..they just yelled at me!
“…and I ask miss sophie, what is Miss Sophie here for?”
“i-i-i-im trick or tre-tre-treating.” after this gaud person had yelled at me, I was sure I had shit my pants.
“trick…….trick rr treat? gaud like both those thing. gaud join.”
and then…..they left the woods.
they were the most terrifyingly beautiful creature I had ever seen or even fucking heard of. their skin was pale pink and smooth as glass, glistening in the soft moonlight. they carried themself regally, and, out of decency, had on a loose-fitting wizard’s robe.
“um….what candy do you like, mx gaud?”
“small, round, pretty color. I think are called…..sit….sitkul?”
“oh, skittles! would you like to try to find some?”
“O YES YES GOOD IDEA MISS SOPHIE!!”
they jumped up and down and clapped like a little kid before finally stopping and smiling. I took their cool hand and led them to the nearest house. it was around 8, so things were really begin to kick up.
i knocked on the door. a nice little old woman came out holding a bowl of, you guessed it, packs of skittles. she said some compliment and gave us three packs. we went out to the street.
“oh miss Sophie, thank, thank….”
they said, before tearing open a skittle packet with their teeth and swallowing it whole. they shook their head and looked at me, smiling.
and so, it began. we may as well have looted all the houses that had skittles, but otherwise, it was a blast!
but, of course, around nine-thirtyish, I had to take gaud back to the woods.
“tonight was fun! I hope to see you again next year.”
“yes miss sophie, I will see you next halloween!”
they went in for what I think was supposed to be a kiss, but they really just licked my face. and next thing I knew, I woke up at home. I thought it was a dream, until I saw the note on my bedside table.
Feeding your animals (safe) but new-to-them foods is botha great source of enrichment for the and endless hilarity for you. I reccomend green beans because they’re unwieldly for them to eat so its an involved process.
How to stop a hangover (personally I just make sure I eat before I drink and I drink a lot of water while I’m drinking, but there’s some other good tips on this link)
I can’t help you with tax stuff etc, because it varies from country to country, but there are great resources out there on the internet if you just look for them. 🙂
Crisis Helplines (there are more if you need them, just google.)
Americans, this is why it is SO IMPORTANT that you vote in the upcoming November election.
“Sorry lil Jimmy we can’t let you be fostered by this loving family because they’re Jewish. Stay put and keep attending our mandatory Bible study while we rake in more money until we can find a proper Christian family.”
Does this mean that Jewish kids who end up in foster care couldn’t be placed in Jewish homes? (Or Muslim or Catholic kids in Muslim or Catholic homes, etc.)
If the private foster agency in question takes them from the public system and places them in a group home, yes. And for all we know, those are exactly the kids they’re after, the young non-Protestant ones who they want to convert.
The first “religious freedom” lawsuits were never about baking cakes, they were about laying a foundation.
god was so fucked up when she made humans like yes let’s give them uhhhhh the capability to love but also let’s give them small caves inside their skull in which to accumulate snot. they’ll love that shit
i love every part of this post
i also love that this implies no malicious intent on god’s part it’s just ‘she was shitfaced what you gonna do’
