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kittydesade:

dduane:

petermorwood:

ronc32:

petermorwood:

nonyayo:

memehumor:

Title

LOL!

This is amusing.

It’s also a load of bollocks.

There is no Royal Navy aircraft carrier – indeed no Royal Navy ship – called “HMS Britannia”, and 15 seconds on the internet would have confirmed it.

The most recent “HMS Britannia” was the Shore Establishment now called “Royal Naval College Dartmouth”. Not somewhere likely to be at risk from lighthouses…

Writer Note: fiction is much more effective when there’s a big dollop of truth mixed with the lie. “HMS Invincible”, “HMS Illustrious” or even a default name like “HMS Ark Royal” (for US purposes, think “USS Enterprise”) would have made this story work.

As it is…<operates toilet flush>

(The Royal Yacht (decommissioned) was “HMY Britannia”, more usually called Royal Yacht Britannia, and was not an aircraft carrier even for radio-controlled scale models.)

This is a good story and funny. Don’t know why Peter has to throw cold water comments on it. So petty.

Because it’s a lie, and a stupid lie that could have been a damn good lie if anyone had done their homework. (Except that it’s already got legs – US Navy vs Canadian lighthouse etc.)

Get the facts right and the lie looks good.

If the facts are checkably wrong, you’re sunk.

Even before your fictional aircraft carrier runs into your fictional lighthouse.

“The more truth you mix with a lie, the more believable it gets.”

Jeez, guys. TRY HARDER. Do your homework. Tell a lie that’ll stand up to a little stress testing, you know? (Because what’s the point, otherwise?) And learn to subject what you hear to a little more stress testing, too.

Otherwise, as you drift gently into adult life, you’ll get in the habit of believing whatever (for example) your local government tells you. And then where will we be?

And also: does the truth really hurt THAT much? You want to have that looked at.

No matter how many times I see it nor how many times the affiliations of each change, it’s still funny to me.

If we’re telling weird stories wanna know the story of how roughly 75% of my mom’s family was arrested within a 3 day weekend, all for different reasons?

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science-jumps:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

brendalltherock:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

i absolutely do

mmmmmkay, so lemme preface this with that I live in a small town of 2,000 people in AL

so a couple of weeks ago, the cops went to my great uncle’s house to arrest my cousin (im gonna call her K) for a “felony” (no one knows exactly why, but there is a lot of material the cops could have pulled from). once they got to the house and went up to knock on the door, and found another one of my cousins hiding place where he grew his weed plants. so then that cousin (let’s call him J). So K isnt at my great uncles house, but they caught and arrested J on a distribution and paraphernalia charge. So the cops are still looking for K, and they wind up going to her daughter’s house, to find her youngest (S) hiding her sons father, who is wanted for murder in Birmingham. So now S and her ex are arrested for that, and they picked up S’s older sister while they were there because she was on parole and was caught up with S’s shit. K still hasnt been found. The cops wind up going to my other cousin’s who live across the road from us (who are Js parents and Ks brother and sister in law) to look for K and wind up arresting my great uncle (who was at their house???? instead of his own???) because he pulled a gun on the cops, then arresting Js dad bc he punched the cop who handcuffed my great uncle. and K? she was across the street breaking into my car and stealing mywallet. the only reason we found this out is because when I went to pick my wallet up from the police station I saw all of my family’s names on the “in custody” board and my mom called the on call chief bc apparently she dated him in college and he owed her a favor.

tl;dr: all of my grandmother’s 2nd oldest brother’s family got arrested except for his son’s daughter because she moved out of this hell hole as soon as she graduated highschool

it’s 2:15 am and this is the BEST bedtime story anyone’s ever told me

Alabama is discount Florida

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gallusrostromegalus:

jurgenronaaz:

gallusrostromegalus:

artemisnightingale216:

gallusrostromegalus:

Someone in the Fort Collins Area owes me an explanation

So, I’m up at my parent’s house to return the power tools I borrowed and say hi, and I’m out walking the dogs. Got a leash in each hand, dual-weilding doggos. It’s a bit tricky but they’re used to this and don’t tangle as much and I’m the only person with good enough knees to stop them when they see snackable wildlife.

Anyway, we’re on the North end of the Poudre River trail, by overland, you know where that long bridge is? And I’m disposing of dog waste right before the bridge like a responsible adult when I hear what sounds like an ice cream truck playing “Yankee Doodle” at roughly five times the speed it’s normally played at and see the following:

There is a gentleman rapidly approaching our location who is also dual-weilding doggos, but in his case he’s got a pair of malamutes barreling down the trail at full Iditarod speed, clearly having the time of their lives. They’re hauling thier human behind them, whom I will describe from the top down:

He’s wearing a helmet, which is the only sensible thing going on here. He also has a magnificent handlebar mustache that is flapping joyously in the unusual October rain. He’s wearing a full body Spandex suit of such intensely clashing colors that is physically hurt to look at, but most importantly

He is riding

A unicycle.

It’s not a normal unicycle either this gentleman is towering over us mortals in an unreasonably massive unicycle, like he’d lost the back end of a penny farthing and decided that was an acceptable means of transportation. I see a device attached to the seat that looks like a pedal-powered music box which explains why my ears are being assaulted with the speed core rendition of Yankee Fucking Doodle. I do not see brakes.

I realize I have half a second to grab my own dogs before they decide to join or topple this strange Traveller from wherever Dr.Seuss books are set. I gather each animal under my arms and stand there with a collective hundred pounds of writhing canine under my armpits as the malamutes pick of speed and as they pass the gentleman cheerfully bellows something at me that I don’t hear because Arwen has already partially broken my hold and is attempting to climb on my head, presumably to launch herself at him.

And then he is gone.

We stand there, staring bewildered in the direction of his last known trajectory, listening as speedcore Yankee Doodle fades into the distance. Even after it is gone I still wait, because the trail ends in half a mile from here and I expect to here a crash, possibly even see a fire explosion. But nothing comes, only the sound of October rain and confused dogs.

So if you know of this gentleman and if he’s still alive/on the material plane, can you ask him something for me?

How the hell does he STOP?

Did you ever find out?

This happened an hour ago. I’ve barely had time to put the kettle on and tell y’all.

Mate I was BORN in Colorado, raised near the Realm of the Dread Corn Gods, and I have no idea what in the good god damn you just encountered, but they are not to be trifled with.

1. According to the notes, apparently you BACKPEDAL to make Unicycles stop, and this giant kind is called  “Giraffe”, and you dismount it by… falling forwards while holding onto the seat.  So I susspose he could backpedal and then make an acrobatics check to land on his feet when the dogs Keep Going.  Malamutes, even really well-trained ones, are had to slow from a gallop and from that point the trail ends fairly shortly.

2.  

@savethecanteloupe I’m so glad somebody knows who this is.  Tell him if he wants to get involved in local protest theater I can make introductions for him.

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unpretty:

unpretty:

unpretty:

unpretty:

there is no higher form of literature than olde-ass europeans trying to explain the skunk

“The other is a low animal, about the size
of a little dog or cat.  I mention it here, not on account of its
excellence, but to make of it a symbol of sin.  I have seen three or
four of them.  It has black fur, quite beautiful and shining; and has
upon its back two perfectly white stripes, which join near the neck and
tail, making an oval which adds greatly to their grace.  The tail is
bushy and [163] well furnished with hair, like the tail of a Fox; it
carries it curled back like that of a Squirrel.  It is more white than
black; and, at the first glance, you would say, especially when it
walks, that it ought to be called Jupiter’s little dog.  But it is so
stinking, and casts so foul an odor, that it is unworthy of being called
the dog of Pluto.  No sewer ever smelled so bad.  I would not have
believed it if I had not smelled it myself.  Your heart almost fails you
when you approach the animal; two have been killed in our court, and
several days afterward there was such a dreadful odor throughout our
house that we could not endure it.  I believe the sin smelled by sainte
Catherine de Sienne must have had the same vile odor.”

– some jesuit missionary in like 1635

– darwin in like 1839

europeans had so little frame of reference for the very concept of a skunk that when they first met the skunk’s closest relative they named it the stink badger because that was the best they could come up with on their own

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danielle-mertina:

libraelementia:

loveiseldritch:

cloverhoneyed:

apersnicketylemon:

floralvixen:

apersnicketylemon:

Christianity and conservatism are not compatible ideologies. Conservatives, socially, are against refugees, against equality, and fiscally are against social programs and financial aid to those in need.

Jesus demanded they help refugees, demanded equality, and demanded aid to the poor.

To be conservative means to not be Christian, and to claim you are both is to be a hypocrite.

Something Jesus also condemned.

I don’t think you know much about either ideology

Sincerely, a conservative Christian

I’ve read the bible six times, I know what it says.

I’m also a polisci student, and pay attention to what conservatives do. In fact I’ve studied conservatism, in addition to the other political ideologies that exist in our world.

Jesus said:

When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat
them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your
native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt.
(Leviticus 19:33-34)

When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very
edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Do not go
over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen.
Leave them for the poor and the foreigner. (Leviticus 19:9-10)

He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the
foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. And you are
to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in
Egypt. (Deuteronomy 10:18-19)


For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and
you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I
needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I
was in prison and you came to visit me. (Matthew 25:25-36)

Just to quote a very, very few.

Conservatives repeatedly repeal and cut back programs that feed the poor ,including poor children, cut back education, and cut back healthcare, all things vital to the poor. Conservatives repeatedly want no refugees, want no immigrants (travelers), including children. In fact, many conservatives want to throw the existing immagrants (travelers) out of the country (and need I remind you, Jesus was not a “legal” immagrant, so to claim ‘legal’ and ‘illegal’ immigrants are any different is still to ignore what the bible has commanded of you.

I know exactly what each ideology is about. You are a hypocrite, and not a Christian. You only call yourself one while flaunting what was commanded of you.

in the field of religious studies, we often call jesus one of the first radical leftists. he was a social anarchist with communist leanings, and that’s why his draw was such a threat to the imperial system—because he was calling for the dismantling of oppressive power structures. the conservative romans were the ones who killed jesus, and conservatives after are the ones continuing to kill his message thousands of years after his death.

Don’t forget he fought against slut-shaming, embraced alcoholics and the homeless, and straight up said you can’t get into heaven if you die rich.

When I say conservative Christians would deport Jesus if they actually saw him or blacklist him if they heard him…this is why.

And it’s funny because those fools are the Pharisees and can’t even see that.

The greatest commandment of Christianity is to love your neighbor like yourself and that’s not what conservatives do.