Tag: Text

While talking to a friend, I managed to typo “hell yeah” as “hell tea,” and this has got me thinking: what would be the anteathesis to Jesus tea?

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gallusrostromegalus:

Well, Jesus Tea* is basically Soothing Decaf Teas+Mild Spice+Vitamin-C Rich Juice+So Much Honey**.

…since concrete objects don’t have opposites per se,I’m kind of free-associating, so it comes out to something like:

Hypercaffinated Coffee+EXTREME SPICY, JUST POUR HALF A BOTTLE OF SRIRACHA IN THERE, MAYBE GRIND UP A COUPLE HABENEROS+Gin***+ just a hint some kind of artifical sweetner that may or may not cause cancer.  

Which sounds like something colleage students would come up with as a hangover cure/study aid/other kind of unnatural life-aid, so it really does seem somewhat faustian so I’ll call it SATAN’S LATTE.  I see from your description that you’re a programmer so lemme take a moment to do a safety psa and say DO NOT DO THIS AT ALL EVER.  DON’T DO IT AT HOME. DON’T GO OVER TO A FRIEND’S HOUSE. DO NOT. 

*Jesus Tea is not actually affiliated with any religion, it’s named that because it’s easy to google when you’ve got only two brain cells left from being sick.

** Jesus Tea is pleasant but innefective unless you gargle with salt water to break up the mucus in your throat/sinuses first.

*** IDK what the opposite of fruit juice is, but Gin and Juice was a favorite drink of my grandmother’s so I kind of opposite-pair the two.  Also juice is nice and Gin smells like drain cleaner so flavor wise they’re probably opposites.

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

mremaknu:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

teenagers being taught to glorify being ‘adult’ as if it’s all glamorous stuff like ‘sex’ and ‘credit card debt’, but honestly most of your time will be spent self-checking your jiggly bits for suspicious lumps and filling out paperwork

you forgot the part where you wake up one day deriving legitimate personal satisfaction from purchasing a table

a coffee table

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honoriaw:

ms-demeanor:

smarmyanarchist:

the-great-escapism:

thor-20:

smarmyanarchist:

stuckuptumblercunt:

smarmyanarchist:

smarmyanarchist:

god im just thinking about how much going to public school in the MCU would’ve made me hate captain america. every time i got caught giving some bitch the finger or writing on bathroom walls or ditching class or stealing books from the library cause i got a fine or what have you, and then they gave me lunch detention or ISS and i sat in that dumbass eraser-smelling room and im in My Chair (the chair i always sit in and yell at anyone else who tries to take it), fuming, arms crossed, full of teen angst and hating everyone around me, and AGAIN had to watch this stupid fucking video ive already seen so many times that i know it by heart and every word grates on my eardrums and i’d just see this fuckin familiar face

and i would be ready to LOSE MY SHIT

Villain Origin Story

god imagine Steve giving Peter his Captain America is Disappointed in You face/lecture over something dumb and Peter just fucking dissociating and zoning back in to “Peter! Are you even listening to me???” and looking him in the eye and being like “I’m completely immune at this point. You can’t even touch me.” and walking the fuck away

canon.

the real reason why Peter agreed to fight cap at the airport

I also firmly believe that not a single teen in the MCU would take Captain America seriously. I’m positive he’d be a total meme, and anytime some sort of disaster is happening, all the kids would just laugh, like “good luck.”

The News: Captain America may be our only hope.

High school kids, snorting: What’s he going to do, tell the villain he’s disappointed in them and to make better choices?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Gen-X Supervillian confronting cap after years of PSAs: Oh no, it’s the star-spangled saint coming to tell me to make better choices. Whatcha gonna do, Cap, help an old lady cross the street at me?

Captain America, AKA Steve Rogers the pissed-off-Brooklynite who spent his youth getting into alley fights: The fuck are you talking about? Eat fist, dipshit.

Cap leans into it after four villains in a row get thrown for a loop by him insulting their mothers and swearing a blue streak during battles so he plays up the oh-shucks thing during interviews. That works great until the news catches him on camera saying “It was propaganda, you nazi fuckwit” while decking a superpowered alt-right millennial who came to attack a BLM march.

“It Was Propaganda, You Nazi Fuckwit” becomes the next meme. There are photo edits, there are tee shirts.

Steve buys a tee shirt.

omg this is so awesome

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eldritchgentleman:

warriormale:

taijispearman:

Taken from a friend of a friend.

This friend of mine has been very consciously raising her young daughter outside of stereotypical gender norms. They’ve done quite a number on my friend, and she’s like, “Nope, my kid’s life will be different.”

Her daughter is small for her age, and will probably remain small. This has affected her self-confidence. Earlier this year, my friend decided to tell her daughter a slightly sanitized version of Arya Stark’s journey in GoT, to basically demonstrate how a small girl could learn to be badass.

Six months go by, and the daughter turns from 5 to 6. Her mom asks her what she wants for her birthday. The daughter says, “I want to learn how to fight.” So my friend, who has zero martial arts experience, looks up a place, and they go there.

The moment they get there, my friend is thinking, “This may not be the right place.” It’s a Krav Maga/MMA gym. Lots of burly dudes beating the crap out of each other, basically. Not your kid-friendly karate dojo.

But she doesn’t want to tell her daughter that they have to leave because the place is filled with intimidating men – it would pretty much fly in the face of everything she’s trying to teach her. So she says, “Okay. I don’t know if they have a kid’s class here. Why don’t you go ask who the teacher is, and then ask them?”

So her daughter walks up to one dude, asks for the teacher, then gets pointed to this tattooed, musclebound dude with his head shaved and a goatee. As my friend put, “The guy looked like your bigger, meaner younger brother.”

She trails behind her kid a bit, ready to step in, and listens in. Her daughter walks up the guy and says, “Hi! Do you have classes for kids? I want to learn how to fight.”

The guy looks down at this wee little girl, and he says, “Uh, well, no, we don’t really. Maybe I can talk to your mom and suggest some places for you? This isn’t really a place for little girls.”

Her daughter reaches into her jacket pocket, pulls out a nickel, holds it out to the guy and says, “Valar morghulis.”

The guy takes the nickel, looks at it, then says, totally deadpan: “Valar dohaeris. Of course I can teach you.”

The mom comes over and says, “I thought you said you didn’t have kid’s classes?” The guy says, “We do now. Come into the office and we’ll work up a training schedule.” The mom: “Do you have any idea how much it’ll cost?” The guy holds up the nickel. “She’s already paid up.”

A great story about a little girl who wants to learn how to fight.

Check it out……

Train and fight!

WarriorMale

Krav Maga huh… whoever messes with this little girl will go back home screaming and bleeding.

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

not finishing 100% of your personal projects or commitments is totally normal! please don’t let it discourage you from pursuing new ones! there are a dozen projects over the years I’ve committed to and almost immediately abandoned. i get embarrassed sometimes when I remember specific ones, but eventually you got to say fork it and move on

literally no creator, however successful or prolific or famous, has completed all or even a majority of the works they conceived. they all have notebooks of dozens, hundreds of ideas and concepts 90% of which will never see the light of day. and that’s okay!

the projects we don’t finish give us practice. and more practice leads to more and higher quality finished products. The act of creating is never a waste of time.