Category: Uncategorized

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

Consider: Hobbits unused to carrying swords, initially VERY unclear on when it’s appropriate to whip em out

Merry and Pippin have a disagreement over, idk, whether cake or pie is better and both draw their swords like ‘HAVE AT THEE’ 

meanwhile Aragorn in the background like, boys please, please boys those are sharp

Frodo: *napping*

Boromir: hey Frodo wake up we need to talk-

Sam: he’s having his nap sir

Boromir: Sam please this is important

Sam: *draws his fucking sword* HE’S HAVIN HIS NAP GO AWAY

Frodo is slightly more sensible & very polite

Frodo: *sees Aragorn with his sword drawn* oh is there trouble. should i get out my sword

Aragorn: …no that’s alright

Frodo: are you sure it’s no trouble

Aragorn: Frodo if i want you to draw your sword I’ll. I’ll say so alright

Frodo: ah, alright 🙂 just say the word

Boromir: *grabs Sam’s sword* ok I’m confiscating this till you learn how to use it appropriately

Sam: *does not let go*

Boromir: *pulls harder*

Sam: *still does not let go*

Boromir: *slowly dragging Sam across the ground* HOW ARE YOU SO STRONG

Frodo: *waking up* WHAT… is going on

Boromir: *holding sword like 6 feet up in the air w Sam dangling off it* um

Sam: I’m handling it Mr Frodo go back to sleep

talesfromweirdland:

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Because there is no option to appeal some of my incorrectly flagged posts, and because Tumblr needs to be reminded of their idiotic policy now and then, I’m writing this post.

I have yet to come across one sensible explanation of how the censoring of female breasts, and the exclusion of sexuality, could lead to a “better, more positive” Tumblr. I can’t see the causality at all. The implication that the depiction of sexuality (nudity, sexual activity) is negative and harmful, logically leads to the question: To whom? And how? Tumblr’s hastily drawn up, poorly worded guidelines from December 2018 lump sexuality, or specifically “female-presenting nipples” in with say drug and alcohol abuse, (gun) violence, gambling, hate speech, antisemitism, and racism as something dangerous—the difference however is, of these, only “female-presenting nipples” are actively sought out by Tumblr bots and censored.

I really would just like to have someone at Tumblr explain to me, in terms I can understand, how this censorship of “female-presenting nipples” is leading to a “better, more positive” Tumblr. We’re roughly six months further now, some change should be visible apart from a decrease in traffic. And also, I’d like to know if the people at Tumblr genuinely believe in this censorship. Because who in their right mind can defend these almost surrealistically pointless guidelines, which seem cooked up by an ethical scatterbrain: Tumblr now is a 17+ app without 18+ content.

It’s a step backwards, is what it is. The thing though about taking a step backwards is that before you know it, you start walking backwards and you end up in a backward place.

Of course, we could say that Verizon really is the culprit. And that they bought Tumblr because that is simply what such companies do, buying up platforms left and right just so they can sell more crap to you and secretly keep an eye on your browsing history so they can sell THAT crap to advertizers, but that Verizon didn’t realize that with Tumblr, they weren’t just buying another platform but a community with lively, diverse, blossoming subcultures, and that Verizon only really learned what Tumblr was when the new draconian guidelines were announced and everyone started protesting, and that Verizon then wanted to get rid of Tumblr as fast as possible and are now trying hard to sell it, which hopefully they will, because such companies sure as hell shouldn’t go anywhere near art—we could say all that, but we’ll let others say it.

In the fishing industry, there’s something called “bycatch”, where certain marine species are caught unintentionally during the catch of specific targets. Every year, thousands of protected and endangered species are killed because of this process. I understand Tumblr implemented its ban because child pornography had been found on its site—fine, but what it’s doing now, by censoring “female-presenting nipples”, is making bycatch a legitimate, indiscriminate part of it its main target. (Also, anything even remotely associated with sex or even erotica is hidden from searches—try to find my post on adult film logos.) If other social media platforms follow, the Internet will become one big trawl net, leaving a sterile, homogeneous lunar landscape in its wake that’s designed for everybody and enjoyed by nobody. This is all especially harmful to the people who already belong to marginalized, sidelined groups anyway, and who so need social platforms like Tumblr pre-December 2018 to be taken seriously, or heck, even acknowledged at all. They found each other here on Tumblr when they were regarded as weirdos, outcasts, freaks; they expressed themselves through art and writing, and formed communities; and then they became people with voices.

Tumblr’s new policy itself is condemnable, the way it’s being implemented is risible. We’ve all seen the random posts that its ridiculously zealous and misguided bots flag as adult content; the following examples though, all part of my archive, seem to have been flagged by staff and can’t even be appealed, even though similar posts have been OK’ed by other Tumblr employees. Let’s have a look:

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Image 4, right? Breasts. The caption though says “Mutterglück”. That’s German for “The Joy of Motherhood”. This should give you a clue about what’s being depicted. BREASTFEEDING. Tumblr however doesn’t want you to see this vile and depraved act.

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Two paintings by Richard Tennant Cooper. Well, you’re going to have to find a better way to depict breast cancer, Richard Tennant Cooper, you pervert, because Tumblr isn’t having this. Flagged, and back to art school. Those artist types, eh.

Or this one, French illustrator, Jacques Touchet (1887-1949):

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And how about the post below about John Wilson, an excellent animator and artist; he did those opening titles for GREASE, for example, and designs for SHINBONE ALLEY that I shared not too long ago. Spot the offending image:

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Number 8 of course, which is a still from a music video from the SONNY & CHER SHOW, aired in the 1970s. That’s more than 40 years ago, but in 2019, those two ink dots on the female character have to be censored, hidden from view, because you know how those 1970s kids turned out. Over-sexed, sick degenerates, all of them.

Et cetera, et cetera. Whatever Tumblr is trying to do, this is the reality of their new guidelines. Also, whenever you receive an email about a flagged post, the link to it never leads to the post within the timeline even though it’s supposed to (on mobile devices anyway): it leads to the Review Flagged Posts section, which never gets updated and is only partly complete.

By making sexuality taboo again, Tumblr feeds the fear of it, which leads to ignorance about it, which leads to misconceptions about it: and misconceptions about sexuality are toxic goods. Remember that censorship, and censorship only, creates pornography… (Also, the liberalization of pornography, some studies argue, could lead to reduced rape and sexual violence rates. Something to think about.)

So again I ask: what for? How is flagging these posts leading to a better, more positive Tumblr? I’d like someone with a degree in such things to tell me that.

steakplissken:

bramblepatch:

geekandmisandry:

correspondingnerd:

nimium-amatrix-ingenii-sui:

martaaa1506:

That’s it, the Professor is truly the King of Sass

The letter didn’t come from the Nazi party, but from the publishing house which had expressed an interest in the German translation of The Hobbit. Tolkien’s response really is a thing of beauty, though, so it deserves to be quoted in its entirety:

25 July 1938                                              20 Northmoor Road, Oxford

Dear Sirs,

Thank you for your letter. … I regret that I am not clear as to what you intend by arisch. I am not of Aryan extraction: that is Indo-iranian; as far as I am aware none of my ancestors spoke Hindustani, Persian, Gypsy, or any related dialects. But if I am to understand that you are enquiring whether I am of Jewish origin, I can only reply that I regret that I appear to have no ancestors of that gifted people. My great-great-grandfather came to England in the eighteenth century from Germany: the main part of my descent is therefore purely English, and I am an English subject – which should be sufficient. I have been accustomed, nonetheless, to regard my German name with pride, and continued to do so throughout the period of the late regrettable war, in which I served in the English army. I cannot, however, forbear to comment that if impertinent and irrelevant inquiries of this sort are to become the rule in matters of literature, then the time is not far distant when a German name will no longer be a source of pride.

Your enquiry is doubtless made in order to comply with the laws of your own country, but that this should be held to apply to the subjects of another state would be improper, even if it had (as it has not) any bearings whatsoever on the merits of my work or its suitability for publication, of which you appear to have satisfied yourselves without reference to my Abstammung.

I trust you will find this reply satisfactory, and remain yours faithfully

J.R.R. Tolkien.

(Letter 30)

The Hobbit wasn’t published in German until 1957.

This might just be the politest “fuck you” ever written.

W.h.a.t.

Not just “I wish I had Jewish ancestors, but I don’t,” but also “you do realize that’s not what ‘Aryan’ actually means, right,” and “you guys are making it pretty hard to be proud of my German heritage.”

Nazis: Are you Aryan?

Noted linguistics freak Tolkien: Are you?

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

that-one-nb-kid:

australianlogic:

dumblr-dor:

a-very-optimistic-realist:

belles-library:

phatwithanf:

punstoppablechatnoir:

lickpinkcheese:

i-am-a-koi:

cartwheelandfaceplant:

heccitsrebbecathewolf:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

when i’m in a bad mood i remind myself of the million dollar maple syrup heist

Was it a

Sticky situation

The stakes were stacked high.

Ihop the situation was put under control 

Did they leaf any evidence?

This is a very syrupious event guys

It must have been done very syruptitiously for them to have actually pulled it off. I think the whole thing is fairly waffling.

maple it was an inside job

You batter believe it was an inside job!

jesus these puns really crêped up on us huh? well u butter stop or I’m gonna flip!

Syrup

Is nobody gonna ask about it or

oh yeah i forgot

in response to the “why you know so much about everything” post, i would like to inquire about the aforementioned banana famine

jantar006:

fireheartedkaratepup:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

Ah, yes, the great Banana Famine. Dark, dark days indeed. Gather round my children, I am going to tell you a story of great tragedy.

Eons back, in a strange far away land, in a world now long gone (circa 1950), the Gros Michel reigned supreme. It was the one Banana to rule All bananas. Gros Michel (literally Fat Michael in French, also known as “Big Mike”) was the main banana cultivar grown in Central America and sold around the globe. A noble specimen, it’s thick peel and dense bunches made it resilient, easy to ship, and yes also fat. Look. Look at it. This banana is thiiiiiiiicc

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hard to find good photos. it would have also resembled the goldfinger banana. looooook et it, it so thicc

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so thicc. 

Ahem.

And all was well and good and peaceful.

Everything changed when the Panama disease attacked.

Ah, the Panama disease. The great banana plague. The Banana Blight, if you will. Songs were written in elegy to the terrible destruction it wrought. Like, actually. Here’s the “Yes we have no bananas” song:

It was Chaos.

Vast tracts of plantation banana trees, noble warriors, slaughtered, cut down in their prime. Ah! the grief. Ah! the loss.

But, amid the havoc of what wikipedia and I refer to as the Gros Michel Devastation Era, an unlikely hero arose. You know it as simply a humble banana. But our hero has a name:

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cavendish, it’s named cavendish. 

The Cavendish banana, a cultivar that had been mass produced since the turn of the century, but only just then got it’s Time to Shine. For whatever reason, Cavendish bananas grew just fine in the same Panama disease-ridden soil that destroyed Gros Michel trees. So yeah, we planted them, fought the blight, won the war, got bananas back. 

But every war has casualties. 

Never again were bananas so tasty. Never again, were bananas so thicc.

I warned you this was the story of a tragedy. A moment of silence for our fallen comrade, please. Raise your wands to our late, great hero, Gros Michel.

(You can still get em in some places tho. Or like hybrids? idk. ) 

And kiddies, that’s the story of the banana famine as i know it.

Other deets:

BANANAS HAD SEEDS HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THIS

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LOOK AT IT

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bananas were cultivated over time to be seedless. 

Bananas were deboned. dwell on that.

unnfff yeah

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feels so wrong but so good

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unnnfff

misc stuff 

  • cavendish bananas may or may not be dying. We may or may not see the dark days of plague descend again. idk, look it up.
  • There’s a story (not proven) that the reason artificial banana flavor tastes weird is b/c it was based on the flavor of the Gros Michel. If so, it might be cause Fat Mike had a stronger taste (due to higher levels of isoamyl acetate). idk.
  • the “Yes we have no bananas” song was written in 1922 during an earlier outbreak. src.  like any good plague, panama disease has a history of hovering over it’s fearful victims, sometimes for years, before striking the final blow.
  • sources are in the links above, also see the links on these wiki pages
  • i swear if i get hate mail on a banana post i don’t even know what i’ll do, probably stab a wall with a fork and eat it.

I want to share one more thing with you.

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I saw this with my own two eyeballs. now you have too. we never speak of this again. we take this to our graves

shhit I’m tired. 

you guys owe me a reblog on this one. Honor system, don’t mooch.

-BGP signing off

this post feels so much bigger than 500 notes 

Normal person:*does nothing*

Me:”Let me tell you the Tragedy Of Gros Michel the Thicc.”

joekewlio:

naidje:

rasec-wizzlbang:

slartibartfastibast:

Deep Frog

do you think this is what lovecraft meant whenever he described something as being beyond description

“It was a terrible, indescribable thing vaster than any subway train—a shapeless congeries of protoplasmic bubbles, faintly self-luminous, and with myriads of temporary eyes forming and un-forming as pustules of greenish light all over the tunnel-filling front that bore down upon us, crushing the frantic penguins and slithering over the glistening floor that it and its kind had swept so evilly free of all litter.”

— H. P. Lovecraft,

At the Mountains of Madness

This.. actually makes a fine reference to what a lovecraftian eldritch abomination SHOULD BE. not just.. tentacles and darkness. Perpetually changing, not cemented in form, with an otherworldly feel to it. Completely unrecognizable by most human descriptions, and only able to be viable perceived by those fine enough to be an adept wordsmith.