Tag: Text

gallusrostromegalus:

lazyevaluationranch:

11/2 Today Goofus the Peacock killed a mouse and instead of eating it right away, decided to wander around the pasture carrying it in his beak. The feral cats always appreciate dead-rodent-based performance art, so they followed behind Goofus single file to make a Very Exciting Dead Rodent Parade.

At one point Goofus stopped and put down his rodent and one of the feral cats dared to sniff at it, and Goofus unleashed The Most Terrifying Honk, something along the lines of I WILL END YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE AND YOUR BONES WILL BE FORGOTTEN ON THE FROZEN EARTH WHEN I SNUFF OUT THE SUN AND SING THE STARS TO DARKNESS I AM THE DEVOURER AND DESTROYER OF ALL THINGS

The feral cats, previously unaware that the Death Of The Universe And End Of All Things is currently living as a peacock, ran off at about fifty miles an hour and hid under the barn for the rest of the day. They didn’t even come out at milking time to beg for goat milk, which is a first.

We probably should not have named the Death Of The Universe And The End Of All Things “Goofus,” actually.

Are you kidding that’s the Prefect name for The Death Of The Universe And End Of All Things.

theladyoftheblog:

theladyoftheblog:

i think a lot about that calvin & hobbes strip where they find a trickle of water and calvin is like “i guess we have the afternoon booked solid” or smth. i just really miss that. when you’re a kid and you get completely involved in small things without any real purpose. i remember when i was a kid i used to observe ants for long stretches of time, not doing anything, just looking at them work. there was no anxiety or guilt over being so idle, and very small things could hide a world of enchantment. i just really really miss that feeling.

the-pen-pot:

madamehearthwitch:

I CAN’T WALK TO MY CAR LATE AT NIGHT WHILE ON THE PHONE 
I CAN’T OPEN UP MY WINDOWS WHEN I’M HOME ALONE

I CAN’T GO TO A BAR WITHOUT A CHAPERONE

AND I CAN’T WEAR A MINI SKIRT IF ITS THE ONLY ONE I OWN
I CAN’T USE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION AFTER 7 PM

I CAN’T BE BRUTALLY HONEST WHEN YOU SLIDE INTO MY DMS

I CAN’T GO TO THE CLUB JUST TO DANCE WITH MY FRIENDS

AND I CAN’T EVER LEAVE MY DRINK UNATTENDED

BUT IT SURE IS A SCARY TIME FOR BOYS
YEAH GENTLEMEN!
BAND TOGETHER, MAKE SOME NOISE

ITS REALLY TOUGH WHEN YOUR REPUTATION’S ON THE LINE

AND ANY WOMAN YOU’VE ASSAULTED COULD TURN UP ANYTIME

 YEAH, IT SURE IS A SCARY TIME FOR GUYS

CAN’T SPEAK TO ANY WOMEN OR LOOK THEM IN THE EYES

ITS SO CONFUSING, IS IT RAPE OR IS IT JUST BEING NICE?

SO INCONVENIENT THAT YOU EVEN HAVE TO THINK TWICE

I CAN’T LIVE IN AN APARTMENT IF IT’S ON THE FIRST FLOOR  

I CAN’T BE WEARING SILK PAJAMAS WHEN I ANSWER THE DOOR

I CAN’T HAVE ANOTHER DRINK EVEN IF I WANT MORE

I CAN’T MAKE YOU FEEL INVALID, UNSEEN, OR IGNORED

I CAN’T JOG AROUND THE CITY WITH HEADPHONES ON MY EARS

I CAN’T SPEAK OUT AGAINST MY RAPIST AFTER 35 YEARS

I CAN’T BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IF I’M HOLDING BACK TEARS

AND I CAN’T EVER SPEAK EARNESTLY ABOUT ALL MY FEARS

BUT IT SURE IS A SCARY TIME FOR DUDES

CAN’T TEXT A GIRL REPEATEDLY ASKING FOR NUDES

CAN’T MAKE HER HAVE SEX WHEN SHE’S NOT IN THE MOOD

AND WHAT GIVES HER THE RIGHT TO GIVE YOU ATTITUDE??

YEAH, IT SURE IS A SCARY TIME FOR MEN

GIRLS LIKE TO ACT LIKE YOU’RE TO BLAME AND THEY’RE THE VICTIMS

HER DRESS WAS SHORT AND SHE WAS DRUNK,
SHE’S NOT SO INNOCENT

THANK GOD YOUR DAD’S THE JUDGE AND YOU WON’T BE CONVICTED
OH WAIT…
THAT’S RIGHT…

IT’S NOT SUCH A SCARY TIME FOR BOYS

THEY’VE ALWAYS HAD THE UPPER HAND,
THEY’VE ALWAYS HAD A CHOICE

IT’S TIME FOR WOMEN TO RISE UP,    
 USE OUR COLLECTIVE VOICE

THE DAY TO VOTE’S NOVEMBER 6,
SO LET’S GO MAKE SOME NOISE 

I am just going to assume that the 2k of dislikes on the vid are from just the kind of people she’s singing about.

onboardthestar-shiptitanic:

snakegay:

terrible-tentacle-theatre:

supaslim:

bogleech:

heedra:

with some bugs it really does feel less like the larval stage is the ‘baby’ stage and more like its the ‘normal’ stage and the bug’s final form is just their extra special final form they use to fuck

I was actually distraught as a child when I found out that an antlion was “just” a “larva” to something else but later I learned that they spend two to three entire years that way and the adult only lives for a couple of months.

Butterflies are also shorter lived than caterpillars; we can think of them more as the caterpillar dispersal system.

We also always hear about how “mayflies only live a few days” but that ignores the fact that they, too, spend years as aquatic nymphs.

same for dobsonflies, which live for maybe a week as adults, but for years as enormous highly predatory aquatic larvae called hellgrammites.

except with dobsonflies, all forms feel a bit extra. If they were pokemon they would be some late generation multi-form legendary

Pretty, graceful adult dragonflies live only for like seven months, but beforehand they spend five years as this

aquatic predatory incarnation of bullshit, which hunts other aquatic insects and even small fish with its big fucking xenomorph mouthparts.

not to make a long thread longer but i think the ultimate manifestation of powered up final fuck form is 17 year periodical cicadas

like they  arent just hibernating or something, they spend the length of a human adolescence as these nymphs living underground and feeding on fluids from roots. and after 17 years their population group emerges in eerie synchronization and they all molt into their adult stage, which only survives for a few weeks . like 99.5% of their life is spent in their “baby” stage and the final .05% of it is a powered up flight capable adult form that exists solely to scream and fuck

@bisopod

Human please I care about you. Will you tell me what else you like?

locallez:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

Ugly animals

Awkward gay characters

People calling me Boss, or Sir

Wine, tequila, very cold vodka

Ceiling fan noises but only sometimes

Cloaks, blankets

Jackets with inside pockets and they’re big

When all the laundry’s done and your very favorite clothes are clean and competing to be worn.

Zoloft

Doing something borderline embarrassing and pulling it off so it’s a power move

The fact sluice is a word

Hurricanes and everyone goes to the basement

Flying dreams.

Drinking water after eating something salty and having to Wait

When you’ve had a craving for a while and you finally get to eat it

People who initially fit a stereotype but that totally changes once you find out more

Basically whenever someone’s personality pleasantly suprise you

Platonic goofball friendships. Friendships where people get each other and bring out the best and interact smoothly and hilariously.

Sheriff of Babylon by Tom King. Read it here: http://readcomiconline.to/Comic/The-Sheriff-of-Babylon

BAMF characters who happen to be female but that’s just a detail and no one makes it a Thing

Boys looking up in awe to cool female role models

Birkenstocks. But like, cool Birkenstocks. Metallic Birkenstocks. They’re really comfy ok

Remembering great personality details about Harry Potter book characters that didn’t make it into the movies.

Gun holsters but people use them to carry random stuff, like window washing tools, or carrots for horses

Platonic physical affection. Friends messing w/ my hair.

Villains w/ musical numbers

Kids excited about stuff and adults being excited with them

Relaxing but it’s after an unusually long day so it feels extra good

Fingers brushing your skin lightly and you get goosebumps

Watching people care about each other.

Finding a new song and knowing you can play it on a loop for ages and it will be satisfying every time

When there are a lot of people around but the cat/dog chooses me specifically

When a song that was just ok intensifies and suddenly makes you Emotion

When you’re doing a new book/movie/anything and the characters make you feel strong things you haven’t felt in a while

That feeling when a story rushes into your head in incredible detail and just keeps going

Those moments when you’re falling into sleep after being awake for too long.

Getting into that imagination space that you used to do easily as a kid, and you can daydream a story and it’s super real and satisfying

Finding something new that makes you happy.

When groups without much in common support each other anyway. When differences draw people together.

When people let good things happen.

Things that used to make you afraid, but now they excite you

Telling a joke assuming no one will laugh, but they do and it’s genuine.

People who pay attention when you’re talking, and respond to you, and are present

Being tired and calm after being put through the emotional wringer

That feeling of giddiness when you meet someone and it’s Good and sort of wakes you up.

Being excited to hang out with someone.

Those bits of books/shows where there’s not much action just characters and dialogue, and it’s like you’re just hanging out with them, and they become a second family, to the point you genuinely miss them if you go without re-reading/watching for too long.

Wanting something in a way that motivates you.

When certain worries stop worrying you

When you need a hug and you get one.

Being in bad pain but suddenly it ebbs.

That feeling when you discover you’re good at something you assumed would be harder

That feeling when a moment feels profound and you can see it as a scene from a tv drama where a song is playing or about to start

When people are important to each other.

Noticing something new about your personality and liking it. When your self-image changes in a good way. Realizing you like yourself.

When you’re a person with low-key emotions and you go into a rare super happy mood and have to lie down after

Also those rare moods where something’s so funny you literally are unable to stop laughing even if you wanted to, and the next day your ribs are sore

Remembering the refrain of a song you haven’t thought about in years.

That feeling when you’re zooming out and instead of seeing the last day, week, month, you see your whole life, and the world, and the universe, and you’re hovering above it, watching

Feeling sad and being able to cry instead of arresting & going into Numb Mode

That feeling when you realize something that was hard a year ago isn’t so hard anymore.

That feeling of knowing you are getting better, and suddenly the future opens up.

That feeling of believing you are going to be okay.

throwback thursday

Once I used a gun holster to hold my epipen and albuterol at a rave? My Near Death self makes this list.

fuckingconversations:

pazdispenser:

CBC made a good documentary on adult ADHD and part of it really caught me off guard because i swear they repeated verbatim my life story for the past 3 years

full programme here:

http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episodes/adhd-not-just-for-kids

My ADHD manifested in excellent in-class work. Excellent understanding in discussions. Excellent participation. 

My ADHD manifested in piles of homework left undone until the last possible minute, while I stared at them, thinking; “I want to get these done. I understand the theory. It would take 10 minutes. I want to start, why can’t I start?” 

My ADHD manifested in fantastic reading comprehension – nigh impenetrable focus on interesting topics the first time I’m reading about them. 

My ADHD manifested in a complete inability to focus on reviews or re-reads, mind skittering sideways and away whenever anything was boring or repetitive. I sat down to study, my books open, my eyes on the text, and my brain clawing its way out the back of my head to focus on something else – anything else. Focus, focus! [No.]

My ADHD manifested in Articulating wings half-finished but still beautiful, in beautiful lineart and half-hearted coloring. In stories written passionately for days until I forgot it existed and never returned. In projects started and forgotten and started and forgotten a thousand times until my bins of project supplies piled up and my bank account shriveled down. No, it will be different this time – I LOVE this new thing. This new thing is my world, my destiny, my Everything. I CREATE and CREATE and CREATE and never FINISH. 

My ADHD manifested in confusion and surprise as time slithered away, hours passing like minutes and minutes seeming endless by contrast. An inability to gauge how much time had passed, was left, a task would take. An inability to hold dates in my head, because time didn’t feel consistent or even real.

 My ADHD manifested in watching someone talk and not understanding a word they said – literally hearing sounds and translating out only nonsense. In thoughts so loud I couldn’t speak coherently. In a conversation across the room shattering an idea I was trying to hold. It’s hard to think when you’re already thinking about everything around you.