Imagine a d&d game but everyone talks like golf announcers and you all just soft clap when someone rolls a 20
“great swing from the barbarian, absolutely beautiful”
#“and i do believe – yes. that will be enough damage from the rogue’s sneak attack to kill the dragon.” #“vaeren the black has pulled ahead in the killshot tally for this campaign in a stupendous way. well done.” #“although his overall damage is still behind szanaks the sorcerer” #“true. that’s very true. it’s hard to compete with szanaks’s gratuitous use of area-effect spells.”
“Look at that pure concentration on the monk’s face as he prepares his carefully placed punches. He knows it’s now or never… He has just rolled the most natural of 20s, but it is not over yet. The only question that remains:
How does he want to do this?”
Tag: D&D
My super advanced mapmaking technique – a handful of dice makes the map nice
interesting method
My question is do the die affect topography any or just set the borders?
I imagine it’s up to the person making the map. But maybe the more dice in a single spot, the more mountainous or forested the area. Maybe choose a few dice to be deemed cities, and some dice for ruins.
Maybe let the dice choose, like a nat 20 would be the world capital, and 10’s would be mountains or something like that.
1-5: Plains and fields
6-8: Forests
9-11: Mountains
12-14: Tundras and snow covered lands
15-17: Farms and towns
18-19: Larger cities
20: Capitals and castles
what would happing if all the dice landed on a 20?
then you have a very busy continent
not all of those are d20s though, so you’d have to come up with another method for the other ones
Adjusted for all dice you might have
D20
1-5: Plains and fields
6-8: Forests
9-11: Mountains
12-14: Tundras and snow covered lands
15-17: Farms and towns
18-19: Larger cities
20: Capitals and castles
D12
1-3: Plains and fields
4-6: Forests
7-8: Mountains
9-10: Tundras and snow covered lands
11: Farms and towns
12: Larger cities
D10
1-3: Plains and fields
4-6: Forests
7-8: Mountains
9: Tundras and snow covered lands
10: Farms and towns
D8
1-4: Plains and fields
5-6: Forests
7: Mountains
8: Tundras and snow covered lands
D6
1-3: Plains and fields
4: Forests
5-6: Mountains
D4
1-2: Plains and fields
3: Forests
4: Mountains
Holy shit. Definitely using this.
I swore at how simple this motherfucking thing is. You’re all bastards and i love you.
((This is genius, seriously))
This is the best D&D
“I have a dexterity of bad” is my favorite
[a series of tweets from DungeonRobyn:
first: “Can one of us dress in the dead leader’s corpse?”
“What about just his clothes?”
“Yes, I suppose that would be easier.”
second: “You are fighting a wolf.”
“Just a wolf?”
“Yes. It’s a wolf in wolf’s clothing.”
third: “What did you get when you rolled your d8?”
“9. This may be the wrong die.”
fourth: “You transform from a bear back into human form.”
“But I’m an elf!”
“Then something went terribly wrong.”
fifth: “Maybe we should heal the tieflling before we loot the room.”
“He’s fine. Look at him – he’s breathing.”
sixth: “Did I hit? I rolled a two.”
“We’ll give that a soft no.”
seventh: “Are you finally doing something selfless?”
“Oh my word, no. I’m doing something violent.”
eighth: “How did you get bit by that snake?”
“I have a dexterity of bad.”]
Paladin™: when you’re kinda feeling cleric but also want to Stab
Sorcerer™: when you wanna be a caster but you don’t wanna be a nerd
Bard™: when you’ve never made a decision in your life and you don’t intend to start now
Warlock™: when you’re not quite ready to admit you’re into cryptids like that
Druid™: when honestly you’d rather be on the floor petting the DM’s cat but they made you play and this is the next best thing you guess
Fighter™: when all the weird puzzle shit bores the snot out of you and you’d rather stack dice til the fighting part gets here
Rogue™: when you’ve never solved a problem in your life, and in fact have caused many, and you’re just fine with that honestly
Cleric™: when your friends are a gaggle of idiots with a deathwish and you’re the only person who’s capable of saving them from themselves
Yo nerds
the campaign I’m DMing is approaching a narrative break, so i’ve decided my players are about to run into a shady lil thrift shop. What i need from y’all is a list of just some absolutely garbage cursed items. Like they do cool shit, but they also come with mildly annoying downside whenever you use them. Example: a sword that’s like hella cool and pretty dang powerful and real pretty and stuff but it also just fuckin. screams
go nuts
A ring of invisibility but when you put it on the ring turns invisible.
A dog who talks but instead of going nuts and barking when not given attention, he won’t stop screaming your embarassing secrets at the top of his fuckin voice
A collection of the first three Dragonlance novels inexplicably there
An extremely powerful bow but it’s enchanted to yell in your ear a moment before you let go of the bowstring.
some costume fairy wings that let you fly, but only straight up and only while you are flapping your arms like a bird
A ring enabling you to speak fluent [language] but in the most un-elite, barely mutually intelligible, generally derided dialect available.
A sentient bag of holding. Anytime you want to get something back or put something in you have to convince/bribe the bag to let you.
a set of two small bells. one is a bell that, when rung, heals the whole party for 2d6 each. the other plays Vengabus at increasing volumes and causes 2d6 psychic damage to anyone within 50 feet. they are exactly identical.
A ring that lets you cast Charm person on anyone within 30 ft of you, but the ring blares “In The Hall Of The Mountain King” at an extremely loud volume, and you must roll a Charisma Check to make sure you can shout over the ring to give commands.
Boots of dashing with laces unable to be tied
Doubles your speed but you must roll percentile as there is a 50% chance of your tripping and falling on your fucking face making you pronecloak of darkness – when you put it on, no one can see you but you’re also blinded
heres a neat little quiz for getting your real life stats
http://www.kevinhaw.com/add_quiz.php
tell me what you get
heres my fucking embarrassing textbook nerd stats
@chronic-altitis this seems inaccurate when your base is ten right?
It me
I am so painfully fuckin average lol
Can i reroll life?
16 strength! I am a monster truck that walks like a man! @noelfae do it
Nobody should be surprised at my str lmao
You’re very charismatic though. Also my score just reminded me of this
STR: 5
INT: 11
WIS: 15
DEX: 11
CON: 9
CHR: 11
I think that makes me a Rogue or Mage.
STR: 8
INT: 17
WIS: 15
DEX: 12
CON: 9
CHA: 13
dnd spell: vicious mochrie – summons an enraged balding canadian to improv melee damage at your enemies (roll for comedic effect)
if you have a bag of holding you can give him two items to use as props.
Can he use Hoedown as a cantrip?
only if you’re fighting drew carey
Swans are the horses of birds
intriguing thesis, but i think herons cause more existential horror
Herons are the hippopotamus of birds
i agree. hippopotamus cause existential horror and aren’t usually considered beautiful or graceful in the same way horses and swans are. it’s the combination of perceived grace and grim reality that makes a horse
good point
fuckin…. hell
Sworse and Heronopottamus sound like D&D monsters, and i should make Husband roll up stats for them.
A few joking D&D achievements.
( All images used are No-Attribution Required stock images. )
Forgot these two.
More fake achievements.
Yet more fake achievements.
More!
So… I heard people wanted more of these?
I somehow managed to royally screw up the text, but hopefully these still come in handy.